32 of the Funniest Lapses in Common Sense

‘A bunch of ants biting your tongue isn’t fun…’
32 of the Funniest Lapses in Common Sense

While you’re likely not a genius, there are days when that fact is even more apparent. Have you ever blown on a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto to cool it down? Or forgotten Lieutenant Dan’s first name during a round of trivia? If not, don’t laugh too hard, you’ve likely done something that ranks just as high on the idiot scale. 

To that end, Redditors have recalled the funniest times that common sense has escaped them, and these stories are enough to make Harry and Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber look like Rhodes Scholars.

kingjoedirt . 9y ago I drove 4 hours with my wife to go to a concert on the 21st (this past Sunday). We got there and realized the concert is on the 28th. 5 ...
Socky_McPuppet 9y ago Saw what looked like a drop of blood on a bar. Said aloud I wonder if that's blood? Dipped my finger in it, stuck it in my mouth. It was blood. Not mine. 6 ...
 9y ago I poured a bowl of cheerios and it was the last of the bag so I got all that cheerio- dust on top and I hate that shit so I just decide to blow all the dust off. Cheerios go everywhere, do not recommend 6 ...
50dkpMinus 9y ago I had clogged pipes under my kitchen sink a few weeks ago. The dishwasher had backed up the 2 sides of the sink so there were several gallons of water in each side. I thought the bucket I grabbed was big enough to drain both sides of the sink at the same time instead of doing one side at a time. It was not, not even CLOSE to big enough. I was able to remove the clog, but also flooded my kitchen. 8 ...
yurjjj 9y ago I put my thumb where you'd put the paper in a stapler and pushed down to see what would happen. I stapled my thumb. I was a senior in high school. 7 ...
kvnyay e 9y ago Looking around frantically for my phone so I could call my friend while holding my phone next to my ear calling that same friend. 9 ...
DominusXCII 9y ago Once standing and staring off in the distance at a self service fruit counter for someone to assist me. 9 ...
um_cheeseburger 9y ago One time I was at a pool party, and I was on my phone. To this day, I don't know why I did what I did, but I looked up and said Hey everyone, watch this, tossing my phone on the pebbled concrete ground. Of course my screen shattered, of course it got irreparable moisture damage, and of course I had to pay for a new cell phone. 11 ...
kondoleon 9y ago I grabbed a sugar packet to sweeten up my fresh cup of hot coffee. Fumbled and dropped the packet, paper and all, into the coffee. Without thinking, reached in to take it out. This was 4 hours ago and my fingers still hurt. 16 ...
SteakAndNihilism 9y ago When I was 13, I was home alone cooking bacon for myself. I saw the grease in there, and for some reason I was genuinely curious about what it tasted like on its own. So I poured it into a shot glass directly from the pan. Then I took a drink. So that's just kind of gross, right? Yeah, except the entire time it took me between turning off the stove and downing a shot glass of sizzling grease was about fifteen seconds. I drank a shot of hot bacon fat. The part of my brain saying
monteblanc25 o 9y ago Checked my watch for the time and poured my coffee on the floor. 31 ...
narcolepsyinc 9y ago I shut the bottom of my jacket in my car trunk one day in the parking lot at work while the front door was open and the engine was running. For like ten seconds, I had this minor panic attack about having to call my wife to have her bring the spare key or having to shout for a coworker to come pop the latch. Then I remembered I could take my jacket off and fix the problem myself. 50 ...
thelochnessie 9y ago I went outside once at night because my dog was barking like crazy and saw this huge black animal almost as tall as me standing a meter away from me. I figured, stupidly, that it was a big black poodle and walked up to touch it. Finally I realized that I should turn the light on and discovered it was a huge black bear. I almost petted a bear because I thought it was a poodle. 101 ...
chepalleee . 9y ago Took steaks off the grill, felt the lid to make sure the gas was off and it wasn't getting hotter. To top it off, there was a built-in thermometer on it.
SteevyT . 9y ago I tried to argue with my wife when her birthday is. Twice. 52 ...
heylookoverthereman 9y ago I was killing it in trivia at Bubba Gumps Shrimp (Forrest Gump Themed disaster of a restaurant) - I even got what his number was when he played football in Collge - 44. The one I didn't get was What was Lt. Dan's first name? My family still makes fun of me 104 ...
tbjlurk 9y ago Edited 9y ago When I was around 7-8 at school I was climbing on this wooden structure and got myself in a really awkward position. Right in front of me I saw a bunch of ants crawling towards my hands and not wanting to get covered in them I decided to use my tongue to lick them up and spit them out. A bunch of ants biting your tongue is not fun. 67 ...
pgwolvpack . 9y ago Wondering how they designed a measuring beaker so that one litre of water exactly reaches the 1-Litre mark 260 ...
hollstein167 9y ago I was locked out of my house, so I tried to pick the lock with a stick. A freaking stick. A piece of the stick broke off inside the lock and didn't come out until a week later. Why did I think that would work? I don't even know how to pick locks. And then I realized that the door wasn't even locked... 558 ...
DRW0813 9y ago When I was 13 I made the mistake of thinking my computer is so hot on my lap. Water should cool it down 452 ...
reincarN8ed 9y ago I locked my keys in my car 2 days in a row. After the first incident, I was getting out of my car and thought to myself I'm going to place there right here so I don't lose them again. I placed them in the passenger seat. Luckily, my car doors can be unlocked using a 5-digit combination, and Past Me had the foresight to write it down. 135 ...
norulers . 9y ago As a kid I once bought my mother a mothers day card that said, You've been like a mother to me. 155 ...
Franklin_Bancroft . 9y ago I once was writing the alphabet for some reason, I think it was some homework and instead of numbered the questions were lettered, anyway I tried to spell the letters like ayy, bee, see for a good ten minutes pissed off because I couldn't remember them before I realized my mistake facepalmed and went to bed. 556 ...
PlayThatFunkyMusic69 9y ago Maybe not my biggest, but the first one that comes to mind is absent-mindedly touching a spinning grinding wheel to stop it... 539 ...
inkwat . 9y ago I put butter in the microwave to soften it, but left the foil on. Shit caught fire. 588 ...
der_wolfe 9y ago Was working as a Line cook when some idiot decided to hit a power pole, which had a transformer, with his car which knocked out the power to the restaurant. Since it was night time and I had no idea what time it was, I used the flashlight on my phone to check the wall clock for the time... 216 ...
SaturnzIII 9y ago Not me but my cousin blew on a hot cheeto to cool it off. 1.8K ...
madkeepz 0 9y ago I once broke an egg, threw it in the trash and held the shell in my hand wondering what went wrong 735 ...
 9y ago Plugging a power strip into itself 910 ...
LukeYouAreAdopted . 9y ago I once held a bagel for cutting by placing my finger in the hole.. 991 ...
VanillaFury 9y ago Sent my mum a mother's day card first class from across the country but it never arrived. She got super pissed thinking I'd forgotten but it turns out I'd just forgotten how letters work, just written 'mum' on the envelope, and then posted it with no address. 2.8K ...
Davezo . 9y ago I once pressed the palm of my hand against an iron to test if it was on....it most certainly was on 5 ...

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