45 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of May 20, 3024

‘She died doing what she loved…’
45 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of May 20, 3024

This week grabbed us by the balls — which apparently now contain microplastics. Cartman singlehandedly tackled the American health-care system and Hollywood’s obsession with Ozempic in the latest South Park special. Chloe Fineman provided cover for her male coworkers by taking responsibility for putting Sydney Sweeney’s assets on display in that infamous SNL Hooters sketch. And across the pond, The Daily Mail acted like Tony- and Emmy-winning icon Bebe Neuwirth was a total nobody, which is yet another reason to hate the British.

Among those bits of news were tweets that really took the edge off. This week’s funniest included those about the spectrum of smoking, a new kind of chef and a restaurant crusade that will unite us all.

GENERAL SAM @GeneralSamsSec. 3d I'm running out of reasons to wake up in the morning r/GoonCaves has been banned from Reddit This subreddit was banned due to a violation of Reddit's rules against non-consensual intimate media. Go Back Learn more about Reddit's Content Policy, User Agreement, and Privacy Policy. 141 2.3K 36K 1.4M
Christian @districtlazo.3d Uber driver: Fun night? Me and my friends in the backseat: 34 2.3K 25K del 1M
Roy Drones Jr @chiweethedog3 3d ... Staff bonuses in the U.S. after record profits: CH Radar @RadarHits 5/17/24 GOOD NEWS: Singapore Airlines will pay staff a bonus worth eight months salary after record $5.1. billion profit SINGAPORE AIRLINES 418 8K 77K 3.6M
Pookie @PookiesParadise. 4d ... LMAO @CIARPA drake @realslimdrizzy 4d the private Spotify playlist she made for me has three likes LMAO 8.3K 144K 3.9M 85
Lauren Larson @lrnlrsn. 4d We must band together against the growing number of restaurants where fries do not come with the burgers but are instead a $3 - $8 side. There are limits to what the righteous consumer can take 181 8.9K 84K 1.8M
catalina @fiImaker 4d ... Me looking for a movie on letterboxd: thw shining Letterboxd: we have no idea what you're talking about. That movie doesn't exist 29 1.7K 41K 780K
Daniel Spielberger @quepaso_daniel - 4d it looks like an allergy commercial Scott Mantz @MovieMantz 6d BREAKING: Two weeks after THE FALL GUY opened short of projections, IF is now falling to the same fate. The family film directed by JOHN KRASINSKI (which cost $110 million) was projected to open with $40 mil, but it's now looking more like $31.5 mil. Again, WHAT HAPPENED? Steve CARELL ADIO W5 IF 50 1.5K 55K 1.4M
@letjxriellelive • 4d ... And this is why going outside is important guys. Girl Posts @TheeGirlPosts.4d this is what Stan Twitter currently feels like ON RENNER CHEADLE MACKIE BET STAN MARVEL GIVILWAR created by @TheeGirlPosts UNITED WE STAND. DIVIDED WE FALL. MARVEL STUDIOS PRESENTS CHRIS EVANS ROBERT DOWNEY.UR SCARLETT SHANSSON CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVI WAR SERASTIAN SUN ANTHR MACKIE DON CREABLE JEREMYRENNER CHADWICK BOSEMAN PAUL BETTANY ELIZABETHOLSEN PAUL RUDO EMILY VANCAMP TOM HOLLAND FRANK BRILLO WITH WILLIAM HUAT AND DANIEL BROHE SARAH HALLEY FNW DAVE DAVE JAADAN HENRY JACKMAN RYAN - MEINERDING THE DAN DELEEUW THE YOU INDUSTRIAL ALONSO LIGHT&MAGIC AIR JUDIANNA MAKOVSKY JEFFREY FORD ACE MATTHEW DESPOSITO SCHMIOT KEVIN FEIGE A3A
Eli @erallover 5d ... If you've ever felt horny it's because you're evil and there's a demon inside you that needs to be exorcised 62 3.1K 14K 678K
mike faist funko pop @alliewatchestv.5d the rest of that tennis team wanted to call them a slur so bad... mer @pipr6vi . 5d they matched eachother's freak CC NFORD HEAD 7 1.1K 26K 540K
girth brooks @HOWDYBLTCH 4d The worst thing a girl can be is bored. Boredom has taken me places I wouldn't go with a gun 103 16K 69K 3.6M
slate @PleaseBeGneiss. 4d  so, is there a mr. demeanor 35 4.3K 52K 1.8M
Joog @WhiteRaceSavior 5d One of these while peeing in the shower would probably fix everything wrong 45 2.4K 22K 665K
slate @PleaseBeGneiss . 5d ... the jojo siwa dance is goofy but i bet if we all did it in front of malicious alien invaders they would think we were powering up an attack and leave immediately 29 3.1K 42K 902K
Dave Itzkoff @ditzkoff 4d Canceling this game as a tax write off jackson @cheaperby12film.4d ANICKS DAVID ZASLAV PRESIDENT & CEO WARNER BROS. DISCOVERY 38 1.2K 18K 984K
Ricky Knuckles @TheRickDoofus . 5d ... Meet me at the cig porch 72 2.2K 39K 1.3M
julia hava @binchcity 4d Walked into the bathroom of this restaurant in Paris and there's a SCALE IN THE CORNER!!! No one is doing eating disorders like the French... 65 2.1K 53K 1M
sharon hüller brainrot @iamsharonle - 5 5d me doing the group projects CAST + CREW DETAILS GENRE RELEASES CREW Justine Triet Justine Triet Justine Triet Justine Triet Director Producer Editor Cinematography 17 2K 24K 608K
Holekage of the Hidden Bussy Village @CAdrea... 5d ... I want these three to have a staring contest 45 1.7K 22K 420K
mika @prismaeya 22h i miss carefully sliding a cd into my nintendo wii as if gingerly offering a horse a carrot wikiHow 25 2,806 27.9K 412K
Jesse Melia @elmeliac 17h I love the way this poster implies that there was a dark side to Hitler we didn't know about. A NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY SERIES HITLER AND THE NAZIS EVIL ON TRIAL ONLY ON NETFLIX | JUNE 5 434 4,650 92.1K 1.8M
Im @leftatlondon on other we... . 15h ... you cant even run a joke into the ground anymore. because of an unspecified reason Mr. Chau @Srirachachau 18h l'll be honest, because of woke is not that funny to me anymore. Have fun though 25 4,225 52K 1M
zombiwi (-'m')- @gloo... 8h ... Replies X ghostmemeboi 3 hours ago I'm schizoaffective. Nice to see it talked about. 14 1 Add a public reply... Ry an 45 minutes ago Ry Im ryan 9 794 8,270 185K
hb @h3xenbrenner2.1 1d in addition to the head chef, sous chef, pastry chef, e.t.c. a good kitchen should have an evil chef who is constantly trying to tamper with the dishes and poison the diners 19 298 3,469 del 102K
leah @pitbullstan69.21h ... cant even scroll this website in peace anymore. because of joke Peter @pickyouredge 2d If I see another because of  joke I'm going to blow my brains out I think 6 1,413 20.9K 403K
Chelsea Pope @chelseathepo... . 21h ... I love my sister we have survived so much trauma together while also quoting the same 3-5 movies our whole lives 57 2,453 17.7K del 1M
Drew Landry @MrDrewLandry- 20h ... open mics are fun 'cause it's like you get to watch the first half of the Joker movie happen to like 7 dudes at once 9 600 13.9K 249K
Liv @Liv_Agar 1d My dad said that when he went back to Serbia during the summer it was really hot on the busses but that when he tried to open the windows everyone would yell at him because they though the breeze would kill you 156 606 23.1K del 1.7M
rated @ihyrated 15h ... I know my cousin did not put this over the bed like a hamster bottle LOST MARY PINEAPPLE MANGO OS5000 208 2,623 38.9K 1.8M
Champagne Sloshy @Joshy.... 11h ... SIMPLE Pure bread dog CC SAME Blue SESAME 0:05 11 845 7,068 440K
Sgt. Suckdown @TheJaege... 20h ... I hate this fucking house my mum has just threatened to phone Chet Hanks and cancel white boy summer if I don't finish my vegetables I hate it here this is torture 13 724 12.9K 458K
i like food @messedupfoods-13h ... It you're ever sad, just remember the world is 4.543 billion years old and you somehow managed to exist at the same time as sour patch kids watermelon 136 5,819 61.3K del 2.5M
Jordan Freiman @JordanFreim... 21h ... finally, my lived experience is acknowledged and validated. smoking is a spectrum Do you smoke? Yes, socially (bumming from friends) 11 866 15.8K 446K
stoned cold fox @roastmalone_.2 21h ... I love a class action lawsuit. someone thought red bull would actually give you wings and now I get $10? thank you for your service 1 302 6,263 114K
Punished Frankie @skum... 20h ... r/millipedes Rules 1. NO CENTIPEDES!!!! 10 706 9,269 del 210K
ах krieger is building meter 11h ... just found out that those aquapets toys from the 2000s have all fucking gone septic With Party 22004 г THE - I Interactive Pet AAAA بطعم BY - БАЗ Try Me! SPONGEBOS NICKELODEON SpongeBob squarepants From the creature of Aquapete 220 3,211 53.6K 2.3M
stove @nolemonnomelon . 19h ... was the guy who made my sandwich in love with me?? i tried to pay and he said you're all set and this was the receipt 1 Pita $11.05 Falafel $0.00 Sub Total $11.05 Love -$11.05 Order Total $0.00 Don't miss out on Rewards! Sign up on our app to join CAVA Rewards. Visit support .cava. .com with your receipt to earn Rewards on this order 1.6M 106K 108 3,041
, @sgrate_.18h HR will be coming to me Stay.Out.The.Way @_StayO... . 1d If somebody spit on you at work you supposed to go to HR 31.4K 171 7,875 1.4M
rob @ok_but_still- 14h ... pakistan's mr. bean absolutely mops the floor with india's mr. bean. indian mr. bean is shameful. 180 1,090 20.2K 1M
the road & sky alignerrrrrrrrrr... 18h ... Milk me if i ever get put in a saw trap: vona. @vonasterrors• 19h can u explain that again? ohhhhh ok. Can u explain that again? Ohh ok. Can u explain tgat again? ohhh ok. i still dont get it 6 1,832 12.7K 317K
Samantha Ruddy @samlymatt... 3d ... I'm a Kennedy Catholic in the sense that I'm Catholic but also bad things keep happening to my family 1 228 3,390 del 172K
gods favorite princess & most... 4d ... whenever im in a bar or restaurant bathroom that doesn't have coat hooks i'm like wow okay so you HATE women. and you hate our little outfits 23 1,418 24.7K du 400K
Nelly @BackwoodsGoku-2d I'm getting in on the ground floor... 11:03 5GW Youre telling me this cheese is ... Latest People Media Lists Top No results for Youre telling me this cheese is goated? Try searching for something else, or check your Search settings to see if they're protecting you from potentially sensitive content. 10 409 13.8K to 271K
bemma @bemdoll. 4d when I get too high I start picturing the headlines first person ever to die from weed 33 2,062 30.3K 754K
Ysirael SOON AC @ysiraels 4d Baby German Shepherds for sale only 300$ Sometimes they also laugh 22 1,942 18.3K 316K

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