20 of the Wildest Self-Diagnoses Provided to Doctors

‘He was convinced he had cancer. It was actually seasonal allergies’
20 of the Wildest Self-Diagnoses Provided to Doctors

The American health-care system is a hellscape, so it’s understandable that people would rather google a few symptoms and call it a day than pay up and go to a medical professional. But it’s important that we all understand that having access to WebMD doesn’t make us doctors. Moreover, as one actual doctor has pointed out, you can’t just un-diagnose yourself, like his patient who had “chosen not to be diabetic.” 

Other doctors on Reddit have recalled the wildest times patients hastily diagnosed themselves, and a word to the wise: Gaining weight doesn’t necessarily mean you’re pregnant. You could just be eating too many chicken wings.

tthorn23 7y ago When I was 15 my mother was absolutely convinced that I had mono as I was coming home from school and sleeping for several hours, eating dinner then going back to sleep. So, she took me to the doctor who did an evaluation. It turns out that I didn't have mono; I was just lazy.
Naive_Outlandishness 5mo ago Attending I had a patient who presented to ER to rule out endocarditis. Не thought he had a Janeway lesion. It was a callus. 134 Reply Share ...
disabledemotions 5y ago Thought she had a cancerous tumour because the lump was growing rapidly and throbbing like it had its own blood supply. She was 26 weeks pregnant. 114 Share ...
YoungSerious 7y ago Patient felt shaky and tired, came in to the ER saying she was actively seizing. The easiest way to tell someone isn't having a seizure is if they tell you they are having a seizure. 198 Share ...
 9y ago . Edited 9y ago Had a friend come to me claiming she was surely dying and had colon cancer. She had dark stool, among some other things, the bloody stool being, the smoking gun. I asked her what she had been taking to help with her stomach pains. She said Pepto-Bismol of course. I told her to stop taking the Pepto-Bismol, and told her to go see her primary physician about it. Sure enough it was just the Pepto-Bismol. Share 1.5K ...
popthatshirtoff 9y ago A girl i know works in ER and not too long ago a college age kid came in around midnight to get tested for herpes. They figured it must have been pretty bad for him to go into the ER, after further investigation the small red dot turned out to be an ingrown hair. 1.4K Share ...
stickycondom 9y ago Man came into the ER in a panic thinking he had incurable skin cancer. Turns out he had a wart on his foot... 3.4K Share ...
Downvote_the_word . 9y ago Had one guy come in thought he had a bad pimple or a boil. Turns out it was a gummy bear 546 Share ...
Mmedical 7y ago 18 year old comes in with mild left sided headaches. Не was convinced it was cancer. Не had seen Saw III and Kramer had a brain tumor (from a prior existing metastatic cancer) that needed improvised surgery. This was his stated basis for thinking he had cancer. It was actually seasonal allergies improved with Tylenol and Zyrtec. 700 Share ...
tenukkiut 8y ago A patient told me she had a recurrence of her thyroid cancer because there's a growth beneath her jaw. It was fat. She got fatter. 158 Share ...
Anxious_midwesterner 9y ago While working as a nurse, had a patient who insisted that her abdominal pain was from a surgery she'd had done on her arm. She thought that a staple that had been used to close the wound on her arm had somehow traveled to her abdomen. 3K Share ...
JustJokingFuckYou . 9y ago Anal cysts. Nope, he just touched his anal cavity too much and left it irritated. 2.9K Share ...
coalminnow 9y ago Had a guy come in for migraines and confidently proclaimed that the severe head trauma he had suffered 1 month prior had nothing to do with it. Share 693 ...
SantaHickeys 8y ago . Edited 8y ago Wife in ED with nausea, vomiting, diarrhea. After lab and CT scan, Husband is sitting at bedside with iPad out, asking did you think about gastritis? Literally googling random symptoms to try to help (sigh). 48 Share ...
pharmaSEEE 8y ago . Edited 8y ago Pharmacist here. I've had more than one patient run to me screaming that they looked up their rash on WebMd and must have Stevens-Johnson syndrome. Actual diagnosis: contact dermatitis from laundry soap.
 8y ago I asked a patient once if he was diabetic, he said no but his condition told me otherwise so I asked him if he had been tested and he said yes and they told him he was. So I said you're diabetic then? And he said no I'm not because I choose not to be..... uhh ok so you're not diabetic but a completely uncontrolled diabetic 512 Share ...
Danimerry 8y ago Had a patient come in once due to weight gain that she thought was due to being pregnant. Made sense, except she'd taken more than half a dozen pregnancy tests and they were all negative. She was convinced she was pregnant though, and wanted me to check. I tell her ok, I'll do a blood test, since we can detect pregnancy earlier with that, and she refuses. Says that she just wants to pee on the stick in front of me and have me read it. So I say sure, and lo and behold, it's negative. Little
allergist 8y ago I had a patient a few weeks ago who was in her late 80's come in worried about having a sexually transmitted disease. She goes on to tell me that she hasn't had sex since her husband died. In 1994. I am an allergist. 6.4K Share ...
qriousgeorge 8y ago ER doctor here. I had a patient insist she had a fever once and when I pointed out that our thermometer did not record a fever she told me I'm not sure they taught you this in medical school but when Asians get a fever their temperature doesn't go up. Yup, I missed that lecture. 5.3K Share ...
exhaustedinor 8y ago I had a teenager and her mom come in worried she had some kind of serious circulation problem because her toes were blue. I looked at her feet and thought that's not really the right shade for loss of blood flow. I grabbed an alcohol swab and proceeded to wipe the blue color off the tops of her toes. I think it was from her new jeans. 2.4K Share ...

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