19 of the Funniest Stories from Club Bouncers

‘I’m the least sober person in my group and you’re kicking me out?’
19 of the Funniest Stories from Club Bouncers

If you’re waiting to get into a club and you see two bouncers restraining Sonic and a hotdog, it not only means that two guys in stupid costumes got beyond the velvet rope before you, it also means the bouncers will have one heck of a story to tell later on. 

Club-goers and workers have scrambled to Reddit to share the wildest things they’ve seen at the club, and if a guy starts neighing like a horse and bucking his hind legs, get the hell outta dodge.

Fromhe 5y ago She was peeing in a sink. She argued that she was in a bathroom. I pointed to the mop, the cleaning supplies, and the lack of an actual toilet. She still argued that I'm a pervert for busting in on her in the bathroom. I told her friends what went down, they rolled their eyes like... again?
nordicanonymous 5y ago Once had licence controllers (they look for drunks/ alcohol rule crimes) dropping in. Nothing out of the ordinary. Suddenly I and my coworker find this guy sleeping by his table. He's not possible to wake up fully, speaks in tongue... Basically gone. We had seconds until the controllers would pass by us, so I grabbed him bride-style (I'm around 190cm, 100kg, he was probably 175cm, 70kg) and carried him out. By the time I got him out he was a bit more aware, and as he left my arms, he grabbed my hand, bowed and kissed it,
5y ago . Edited 5y ago I was a bouncer. Had to bounce a guy who was jerking off. Не wouldn't stop and wouldn't leave. I had to pick him up and throw him out. Не jizzed all over my chest. Wow, first gold. Thank you. 4.7K Share ...
BleachConcierge 7y ago I worked in a college bar in Ohio my senior year and on two occasions I had students hand me pieces of paper that said I am 21 and on one occasion I was handed a Spongebob Squarepants boaters license. 768 Share ...
ImTouchingYourToes 10y ago . Edited 10y ago The weirdest night I witnessed, I was trying to get into a strip club but there was a commotion ahead, I tried to get past the crowd to see it, but all I saw was blue spikes above the people in front of me. After the crowd started to disperse I saw one bouncer with a guy in a sonic the hedgehog mascot costume on the ground restraining him, and the other bouncer tacking a man in a hotdog costume. Was an odd night.
7y ago Bouncer at a bar, we were using the black light on IDs one night (obviously we were shining it all over eachother like a bunch of idiots as well). Anyway this little blonde white girl comes up and hands me her Florida ID. The thing with Florida IDs is that they have a small hologram of the persons driver license photo in the bottom right hand corner of the license. So I take the ID from her, shine the black light over the card, check to make sure it's the same girl in the photo who handed
7y ago I am a bouncer. You can tell who's aggressive when you greet them and ask how their night is when you ID them. Either they will have a positive response or just a standard response, or they are an asshole when they respond dickishly. I once had a guy come in, biggest douchebag I've ever seen. Drove an audi, obviously well off, very built. Asked for his ID and he said really? and shook his head. Instantly I knew he was a cunt. Or so I thought. Не got drunk, then was buying the whole bar rounds,
fuzzy510 0 7y ago I was once handed a fake ID where the listed date issued was five days after the listed expiration date. It's the only time in 7 1/2 years of restaurant work that I've actually asked somebody if they were serious after handing me an ID. 159 Share ...
OnlyMySofaPullsOut . 10y ago Edited 10y ago We had a guy on angel dust steal the valet tray of toiletries, go into the handicapped stall at our club, lube himself up like a greased pig, get totally naked and begin to furiously masturbate while babbling about Jesus. 14 security dudes, all of whom were either pro fighters, ex mil or both, the smallest of which was me at 5'11 255, tried to extract this guy doing a stall breach. Не ran through us like a collective wet paper bag. We had to choke the fuck out of him to get
linkman0596 5y ago Wasn't the bouncer at the time but was at a burlesque show and this group of guys decided to have this loud conversation, when i say loud i mean you could hear them more clearly than the MC speaking into his mic, and were turned around so none of them were even looking at the mostly naked women on stage. Bar staff ended up kicking them out during intermissions, so not super weird, but still, of all the ways to cause trouble at something like this, that's what happens? 9 Share ...
Pjman87 . 5y ago Bartender here. This guy and his girlfriend got kicked out for throwing a tip jar full of money at me while my back was turned. I was only giving the wife water for free, and the husband took offense. 9 Share ...
5y ago *obligatory not a bouncer BUT... we watched our 5'2 petite friend get carried out by 3 bouncers of a dive bar while shouting out extremely funny and very personal insults to a 4th bouncer, who at 6'8 was running away from her across the bar. Her husband just quietly grabbed her purse from our table and said ok guys looks like our cab is here. We'll catch up tomorrow and walked out whistling. Literally the funniest exit by a couple I've ever witnessed. 16 Share ...
hailkelemvor . 5y ago The lady who got kicked out for stealing salt and pepper shakers, only to go outside, find a rock, and throw it through the window. 24 Share ...
5y ago Had two women come up to the entrance of the bar with a five year old in tow. It was 11pm on a Saturday night. I said he can't come in here to which they responded Oh, don't worry, he's not going to be drinking. They meant it too. They thought what they were doing was okay. 20 Share ...
Ouroboros612 5y ago I was the kicked-out part but I really want to share this so hope you don't mind. I was at a bar with friends and got WAAAY drunk. So I did the irish exit and I told the bouncer: I'm completely wasted right now, so I'll do your job for you and throw myself out. The bouncer told me Hey, don't you want a glass of water first? You'll feel better in the morning trust me. So I went back in for a glass of water. Got icy cold water and lots of ice cubes, felt supergood.
5y ago Ex bouncer hope that counts. Two guys try to come in at 155 and the bar closes at 2. We're already moving people out the door but they keep insisting on coming in. I say no again and they try and slip me money. I still say no. They then berate me for about 20 minutes calling me all kinds of white slurs. The last one they use for a few times and leave on is You John Cena looking mother fucker. At this point I'm curious so I ask are you complimenting me now or still
ProfessorRGB 5y ago Bachelorette party: You're kicking me out? I'm the least sober person in my group, and you're kicking me out? Happy Birthday: Mid December in Washington state, this kid had just turned 21 and wanted to come in after midnight (policy did not allow this). Plus he was already pretty wasted from earlier celebrations. A cop follows him to his car, dude drives off. Police chase him for about a mile. Abandons his car in the middle of the road, then starts running through a parking lot. Cops chase him on foot, but he gets back to his
Phynal 5y ago I worked in a club in the 90s that was open on Friday and Saturday until 4am. In this state (Ohio) we had to stop serving alcohol at 2am, and often people would try to sneak in drinks after that. I was walking through the dance floor just after we cleared all drinks and saw a kid with a beer. One of those tall boys that we didn't even sell. It looked like he just opened it, and I was in a good mood. Не looked like an nervous kid who probably never bothered anyone in his
12y ago I was working at a rave club and I saw this guy on the dance floor with a glow stick between his teeth, jumping around, shaking his head wildly back and forth and kicking his legs out behind him. Now, I would have just let it go, but he ended up kicking a girl in the chest and knocking her over. I approached the guy and said Hey, man! What's your problem? To which he replied Neeeeiiiiiigh! and promptly turned his back toward me and kicked me in the stomach. I, along with one of my co-workers

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