22 of the Funniest WTF Things People Absentmindedly Said

‘He did what he died loving doing’
22 of the Funniest WTF Things People Absentmindedly Said

Thankfully, each and every one of us has gotten hilariously tongue-tied or blurted out something nonsensical. There’s something beautiful and unifying about recalling the times we said stupid things, and something even more beautiful about the fact that you know there’s plenty of stupidity to come. One Redditor remembered the time they said “There was snow on BOTH sides of the road today!” after a snowstorm, which, yeah dude, that’s definitely how snow works. Another Redditor recalled bewildering a Subway employee by ordering a six-foot sub instead of a six-inch one. 

Here’s an opportunity to take a break from being haunted by your own words, and allow yourself to be haunted by others’ awkward moments instead. Let’s bow our heads in silence for the flight attendant who accidentally said “in case of ejaculation” during their demonstration. Hopefully they’ve bounced back from that one. 

brightyflo . . 12y I had been in my own, quite surreal world and I asked my friend if she wouldn't think it would be funny to see a human sized fly walk with a hat and a briefcase. She didn't know whether to laugh or run away. ... 178
bigfreakingnerd . 1 12y I went into Subway and meant to say one 6 inch and one 12 inch, but what came out was one 6 foot. I didn't realize what I had done until the guy went in back and got the bread... ... 135
12y I was the only guy in this club called Women in Science Technology Engineering and Mathematics as the male liaison. During Breast Cancer awareness week, the club was asked to make a presentation to the school. As the male liaison, I was asked to speak. I made a really nice speech and was really into it. But then I said Breast Awareness Week... School erupts in laughter and I'm kicked out of the club ... 246
ohither . 12y Last year we had quite a large snowstorm, and when trying to explain the size of it to a friend I proudly said: So there was snow on both sides of the road today. Yeah. ... 262
taq . 12y Thank you. After taking money out from an ATM ... 1.1k
Immynimmy . 1 12y I was at work and one of my contacts was on the upper roof of my eyelid. My boss walks by and goes you alright? to which I replied yeah, I just got my condom stuck in my eye instead of saying contact. Не just casually walked away. I know he heard what I said ... 236
ez_sleazy . 1 12y In college my friends and I were talking about someone who had died and I wanted to say Не died doing what he loved to do but it came out: Не did what he died loving doing. ... 787
. 12y I was on the phone with my former girlfriend, it was late, and I was getting pretty tired. At that point I was falling in and out of consciousness. She made a statement, and I responded: Well that's what you get for linoleum. It seemed like a perfectly good response until she asked me what the hell I was talking about. ... 420
Crazy_Hair_Week 1 12y And, as many records show, this Native American tribe proved to be very horny. I meant to say HARDY goddammit. I cringe everyime I remember the dead silence that filled the classroom. ... 56
12y I said in case of ejaculation instead of in case of evacuation once when doing my flight attendant demos on the PA. ... 16
moravaman 12y I used to work as a legal assistant in the legal department of a technology company. All of my colleagues, and most of the lawyers we supported were women. In an email that had the entire department copied, I offered to mate with (rather than meet with) senior counsel later that afternoon. My team never let me live it down. ... 111
. 12y So my then girlfriend and I had a little running joke. Any time I told her I was going to play hockey she tought it was cute to say Don't forget to wear your helmet, to which I would cheerfully reply Go fuck yourself! (Don't ask). Anyways one day my mom said to me Don't forget to wear your helmet and GUESS WHAT I SAID! ... 767
. . 12y A coworker said look at me I'm a monkey or something like that. Immediately I thought... be careful someone could construe that as racist. So to make this point I stupidly blurted out hey watch what you say, my father is black. So dumb. ... 1k
tym0027 . 12y Once in my physics class back in high school I was really bored and day dreaming. And as the teacher was talking I said BLAH BLAH BLAH I'm bored. I didn't realize I said that out loud and everyone in the class turned around to look at me. ... 652
beforrester2 . 12y When learning how traffic and crosswalks work in London (spoiler: It's fucking nonsensical,) I was told by a friend worst case scenario, wait til someone like an pregnant woman or a crippled veteran or girl scout crosses. That's the kind of person cars will actually stop for no matter what, so take advantage of them crossing for you to cross. So when a woman is pushing an infant in a stroller across the crosswalk, i say to my friend Okay, l'll try it. l'll take advantage of that baby. Loudly. ... 1.1k
monster_buck . 1 12y While trying to explain to someone how we had hard water, I actually said, The water here is really dry. ... 126
. 12y Once I was buying a train ticket, and instead of good morning, can I have a one way ticket to Whereverthefuck I said happy birthday. I don't know why I did it, I was as surprised as the ticket guy. And when he said what?, went sorry, I didn't realise. Really, I can't explain what the he'll I was thinking:( ... 997
doctor_princess. 12y Some friends and I were having a discussion about something, and I was trying to emphatically agree by saying Oh man, I know! and all that came out was a very passionate sounding Oh Moo! My friends still make fun of me for it. ... 45
Jux_ . 12y When I was a freshman in high school, me and a bunch of buddies got signed up to give a speech to a local club about our vision of the future. At the time, I had little public speaking experience, and I was insanely nervous, and I mixed up two lines and blurted out: We will live in a future where people are judged on the color of their skin, not the content of their character. Time stood still. ... 1.1k
blackrifle . 12y We were on a family vacation to Michigan, eating lunch at some diner, I was about 14. There is a guy at the table across from me with no arms. I mean he has absolutely no arms at all and is eating with his feet. It was pretty awesome how he could use utensils with his feet and get the food in his mouth. Anyways, my stupid brother knocks over the salt and like an idiot I say Nice hands, feet. Before I even knew what I said, My Dad punched me in the face. It was
motorcityvicki . 12y Oh God. I was 19, driving in the middle of nowhere, and two cops pulled me over for speeding. Both were young dudes, couldn't have even been 30. They asked me a question, and I replied with, Yes, ma'am. I could feel my brain punching me from the inside.
argonnn 12y I was at work, and I was having a long day. I stuffed my hands into my pockets because I felt like I looked awkward with them dangling while I walked. They got hot and sweaty and I got anxious so I started doing this wiggle thing trying to get them out of there but they were stuck. I look up to realize someone is just watching me wiggle dance trying to get my hands unstuck. So I just turn and start to run. Im looking down at my hands though trying to figure out why they were

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