32 Things Teachers Said to Students That They Instantly Regretted

‘You sound like my wife!’
32 Things Teachers Said to Students That They Instantly Regretted

When you’re teaching middle schoolers, anything can be an innuendo. Which is why one orchestra teacher who instructed their students to “finger their parts quietly” was never able to live it down. Childish, yes, but most great humor is. 

On that note, the educators of Reddit have shared stories about the times students taught them a lesson about the importance of choosing their words wisely, and yeah, there are a lot of situations where kids are giggling about balls. As they should.

mortiece . 7y I told all my kids to finger their parts quietly while I help a student... I teach middle school orchestra. It was a running joke the rest of the year. ... 778
copperboom15 . . 1y Violin teacher here who accidentally told a lovely group of high schoolers put your finger on the D! ... 20
beardedpeck . 185d I have long hair and a beard, and one time an annoying kid referred to me as Jesus. No, I don't think so, Jesus loves you, I don't even think I like you ... 89
thebarrenlands. 10y My history teacher, when we were learning about samurai, called seppuku bukkake. ... 2.3k
eagledog . 185d Kid tried pulling the, nice Supercuts haircut to me last year, and without thinking I responded, you can talk when you get rid of the bowl cut. Kid stopped talking, but not my greatest moment ... 212
RealDrugstoreCowboy . 10y A student once came into my math class to promote a donkey basketball game the teachers were going to participate in. Не said, I don't know about you, but I really want to see Mr. с (referring to the teacher of the class we were in) get up on that ass and ride it. Mr. с instantly responded, You sound like my wife! After my peers burst into hysterical laughter, he explained (absolutely mortified) he meant the student's comment reminded him of his wife saying that she wanted to see an ass riding an ass. ... 1.9k
JustinStrata . 7y A few years back I was doing hall duty during passing time and a student was doing the jerk down the hall. I said to him, how about you jerk it all the way back to class. I felt like a fucking idiot but thankfully he didn't put it together and no other students heard me. 52
. 10y In high school there was a student named Porky. Everyone at the school knew he was a stoner. One day our science teacher got pissed because everyone failed the test, except for Porky. She yelled Maybe you should all start smoking pot, because Porky here is the only one who passed the test! ... 2.2k
Maffers . 10y We had a pupil in our computing class called William Cumming (reasonably common name in this part of Scotland). Не used to skip class a lot and our teacher, a former religious education teacher, asked a group of 14/15 year olds if anyone had seen William Cumming in the toilets? She genuinely didn't understand why we were laughing. ... 62
7y I was in front of a class full of 8th graders. I was teaching basics of gravity and said if someone has two different sized balls... The giggles escalated when my face turned bright red. ... 141
Still-Rope1395. 1y A colleague was teaching about the brain changes that occur in adolescence. They were trying to compare and contrast and mentioned the early tween brain and the emotional social issues it has and then added, however when puberty hits, that's when things get really hairy. ... 36
espressomachiato . 1 1y JROTC student dressed up. Saw their ribbon rack (fancy colorful medal things) on their chest, Nice rack! Luckily she was nice enough to just say thanks and not mention it, or it also whooshed over her head like me. ... 15
spacesuitz . . 3y The d on my keyboard would get stuck. I had misspelled something I had projected on the white board. They mentioned a word was misspelled. I claimed it was because my d doesn't work. ... 94
way2gofatum . 1y English 10/Intervention | Orlando, FL I had a kid ask what he needed to do to not fail class and I told him earnestly to prove thay you deserve the D. Have also accidentally told kids to stop scissoring each other while they were wielding cutting implements. ... 7
SillyGayBoy . . 1y A teacher said we could go home and wack off.... 20 or 30 pages. The class lost their minds. She was talking about reading a book for class. It became everyone's favorite quote. ... 25
2tonGordhead 10y A worked as a teacher at a school for kids with special needs. One day a girl would not stop saying money shot, money shot, money shot! and then chuckling. A few of the boys knew what she was referring to and chuckled as well. I asked her to stop saying money shot. She looked up at me and stopped laughing and in all earnestness asked, What does money shot mean? I froze, not knowing what to say. Being a male staff there was no way I could explain the dirty meaning of money shot to 17 year
10y I was teaching Beowulf to a bunch of seniors and somehow or another had to describe and sketch out a few of the weapons on the board. When I got to the double-headed battle ахе, I took one look at my sketch and erased it immediately. Too late- I had already drawn a penis on the board in front of 20+ boys. Pandemonium ensued. ... 2.5k
Bronloneus . 10y I was talking about genres of literature to my 3rd graders and I said something along the lines of, Fantasy is something made up or that couldn't happen, like Santa Claus. I heard a gasp from a student and another student said, Nuh, uh! I was that that guy, the guy who took away the mystery. ... 1k
armstronga . 10y 7th grade, my first year teaching. Kid did not want to read his next line of dialogue in A Christmas Carol. I thought he was just nervous about reading to the class so I say, very reassuringly with a smile, I know it's hard. And then he said his next line. Very attached to me was Dick. Whole class busts up laughing. Whoever put that in the textbook was definitely trolling middle school teachers. ... 549
10y During student teaching I split the class up into groups to learn about how different social groups (Women, African- Americans, Native Americans, Mexican-Americans, Farmers, etc.) were impacted by the New Deal. Once they were in their groups I sent them to different areas of the class room to research, when I dropped this line: Where are my African-Americans at? African-Americans to the BACK of the classroom There were two black kids in class... ... 1.3k
Danger_Zone . 7y A former GF of mine (24 yrs old at the time and looked 17) was substitute teaching jr. high in Salt Lake City, Utah and got assigned a PE class of 7th grade boys. She was told just to put out a couple huge bins of balls in the gym and let them do whatever they wanted until the bell rang. As it got closer to the end of class she tried to restore them to some order and could not so she yelled at the top of her longs - Boys, grab your balls and come over here! - again, this
billbapapa . 7y Was teaching at Uni, I'd had a horrible day and had been awake a couple of days (I was a grad student it was stress time)... Anyhow I'm hardly with it when a kid comes in late to the lecture hall and says sorry I'm late and I said without thinking it's okay man I don't give a fuck The students laughed, I felt pretty bad about dropping an f- bomb though. ... 2.1k
10y I'm a middle school art teacher. I had my 8th grade students make paper mache initials, decorating them to match their personality. Anyway, we were putting them away when day when one of the kids goes, Ms. Miss- Kitten, where do you want the d? And I said, Oh, wherever it will fit. The class died laughing and it took me about 2 seconds to realize what I'd said. Oops. ... 472
Slow_Mathematician38 . 3y I teach high school feshmen English. Once a student asked me how to spell analysis. I said, Anal. Y. Sis. Then, before I even knew what was coming out of my mouth, I said, Anal? Why, sis? The class fell out laughing. They never told on me, and they never, ever forgot how to spell analysis. ... 85
10y When I taught 4th grade, I had a hearing-impaired little boy who wore special hearing aids that picked up my voice from a microphone I wore around my neck while teaching. I was pretty good about turning it off when I was not delivering a lesson, but sometimes I forgot. One day I was so frustrated with my class, and I went into the hallway to cool off. I vented quietly, while banging my head against the wall, These stupid fucking kids, I want to knock their stupid fucking heads together. (Of course I didn't mean it). Took
sarar3sistance . 1y A young kid named Jack was climbing on some stuff in the gym when he should not have been as we were lining up for a transition. I knew he knew he was not supposed to be doing that so I just firmly yelled JACK, OFF! Definitely realized what I said as I was saying it. The older kids in my program immediately giggled and whispered omg did you hear what she just said?! The glare I gave them when I replied yes I did hear it, what about it? Was enough to shut them up for
lobosbiggestfan . 1y Was teaching natural selection. Showed the kids an example and then asked Okay what happened to the light- colored mice?. One student said they got eaten and another said they get taken out. So I repeated back, That's right. They get eaten out. Lost control of my sophomores for a solid 3 minutes. ... 59
RunningTrisarahtop . 1y One of my kindergarteners brought in two bouncy balls. They're supposed to stay home of course! Another boy tried to steal them and I turned to the first boy and said do you have both of your balls? ... 16
185d I called for attention with okay, girls and boys and one of the boys called out men. Without thinking, I said something like, maybe when your voice changes. I could have kicked myself, but it was just this weird snarky comment that slipped out. Very luckily, he was a good kid with a sense of humor, and he burst out laughing. ... 603
Anemoni . 10y Preface: The word for penis in Japanese is chinchin. I was a teacher in Japan at the time, in a 6th grade class. We were playing a game and I was naming different body parts for them to touch (touch your knee! touch your eyebrow! touch your elbow!). I was having trouble thinking of the next part for them to touch, and blurted out Touch your chin! without thinking. Cue 20 6th grade boys laughing and grabbing their crotches. ... 2.2k
treborsel . 10y About 6 years ago, I am teaching 7th grade writing. I had just gotten a new student who could be best described as strange. My lesson is coming to an end and I am getting ready to give the assignment. The strange new kid raises his hand about the same time as another student. Не then begins to whistle at me while raising his hand. I turn to him and explode. I ask, Do you think I am a fucking dog? The class erupts in laughter. I never lived that one down. All the classes heard about
redititititit . 10y The history teacher in our school was telling us about the Kimberly mine - a huge mine where tons of diamonds were found in South Africa. There was this girl named Kimberly and the teacher didn't say Kimberly's mine she would say Kimberly's hole. She went on saying how big Kimberly's hole was and that a lot of people got sick because of her hole. When she realized people were laughing their faces off, she realized. I haven't seen a face that priceless ever since. ... 2.8k

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