30 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, March 14, 2024

She has a new favorite patient
30 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, March 14, 2024

It looks like April showers will bring two new Saturday Night Live hosts with them: Kristen Wiig and Ryan Gosling. When Wiig hits the stage for the April 6th show, it will mark the SNL alum’s inauguration into the Five-Timers Club, joining the likes of fellow funny people Will Ferrell and Tina Fey. It won’t be the Fall Guy’s first rodeo either. Gosling’s April 13th show will be his third time manning the show, which is sure to be rife with months-old Barbie references.

Over on HBO, a certain crotchety comedian is circling the number two as well. The network extended Bill Maher’s Real Time contract through 2026 (i.e., at least two more seasons). In a statement, the divisive commentator said, “Two more years in the dream job of a lifetime, on the network so many dream of being on — that’s what we call a no-brainer.” It’s mostly no fun for the rest of us.

The timeline, on the other hand, is committed to delivering nothing but fun. And so, today’s funniest tweets include those about the savviest way to get a snack, the quickest job rejection and the Mothman’s coin slot.

Chuu 3 @Chuu4Lenin 22h ... Job sent out a rejection email 10 seconds after the interview call ended, never been this gagged before C Abby 0:02 From reaction encyclopedia 94 3,190 109K 1.9M
Ron Iver @ronnui_.1d I'm waiting in the lobby of my therapist's office and I just heard her laughing to another patient's joke. I feel sick to my stomach. 32 926 23.6K du 586K
Soph @LFCxSoph 19h ... Never syncing my contacts to tiktok ever again Melaninhotties Follow You may know John - Driving instructor 154 4,117 107K 4.8M
rinzu @MATCHALUV3R1d MY BOYFRIEND YALL Today 4:56 PM I want that pie thing pizza at sza pizza What What is sza pizza Lil sza Idk 3 793 19K 420K
katie @katefeetie.20h ... got one of those deeeeeeep forehead zits that starts so far down I think it's in my brain. like if I pop it i'm gonna forget English or the color turquoise 13 886 24.8K 484K
rachel @ANDAMOVLE 1d lucille bluth gooseleni @benadrylbird . 2d i love momstagram so much 21:56 8 Hot take: I do NOT love my children equally. 434 9.6K 4 417K
aaron. @ayroned 21h Let me write a sketch for Gosling. It'll be in roughly 90 min and have Russell Crowe in it. snL Saturday Night Live - SNL NBC @nbcsnl.21h APRIL 6 Kristen Wiig Raye APRIL 13 Ryan Gosling Chris Stapleton APR APR 6 13 RYAN KRISTEN GOSLING WIIG CHRIS RAYE STAPLETON 1.8K 1.9M 57 37K
alisa @squirtstain 20h my mac after i insert an iphone charger 2 vapes and an SD card into its orifices anna @twtrlssanna. 1d bet this feels so good for a macbook esc tab caps lock 23 22K 1.3K 1M
DANTE @steelydante 15h ... there are horrors on facebook shorts beyond comprehension Told my son if he 183 Wanted to watch Mr Bean Не needed to power 982K The Tv by running 24.9K 30 772 15K 388K
Sesame Chiccen @Loccdawggg 13h I'm not joking when I say you need to be put on a watchlist. Why you took it's clothes off?? jassjanaee @amourxjasss 21h am i the only one that does this ?? Madamo do ad da La coin Superiority SuMon Pastowy aute laid GRAND CHO D'OCCARD : Boul, de 1'150pital de PIANOS NEL PRUNGNAUD 23 1.7K 23K 1.1M
samson emerson @hatsunemcfly-15h ... this is ferris bueller's day off MS YURI # @museofdeity . 1 1d best trio dynamic!! experiencing anarchists! the horrors. 32 2.6K 27K 920K
kathleen @holdenfordfocus-17h born to say are you fucking stupid forced to say wow i've never thought about it like that before 13 4K 27K 523K
ci @cicireion . 1 1d ... i gotta stop telling my daughter white ppl crazy cus we was at the park yesterday and she yelled OH MY GOD ITS A WHITE BOY BY ME 317 3.7K 51K 1.4M
@npc1npc2npc3 . 1d The U.S. House has officially passed the bill to ban Microsoft Teams next please please please 35 2.8K 30K 976K
Deluxe Beauty Spa /-\=xDBSx=/- @dadbods... 16h ... When i see a baddie at the whole foods Alex Jones @RealAlexJones . 21h I WILL EAT YOUR LEFTIST ASS - ALEX JONES - 52 4.1K 55K 4.2M
ten second cam @camilli_amilli - 1 1d which way western woman Bi sexual tch Busy.org polar 2.1K 16K 710K 50
lucy ford @lucyj_ford - 1 18h need a dominic sessa pull-quote every day like one of those inspirational phrase calendars DF DisbussingFilm @DisbussingFilm . 19h 'THE HOLDOVERS' star Dominic Sessa still loves playing with Bionicles. (Source: @GQMagazine) 1 773 16K 565K
liv @forcersei. 9h ... a @aallleeexxxxxx1 · 1d if i had a boyfriend i would definitely frame him for a serious crime once i got bored of him 8.6K 47 67K 1.4M
Eddy @SteadyE69.1d ... Sliding into her Teams DMs saying HEY U WANNA GRAB SOME DRINKS AFTER WORK with this image. Wish me luck fellas 49 1.8K 33K del 1.7M
timmygami eyes @deliclit 1d Cain to Abel ShitpostGateway @ShitpostGate.2d Self-fulfillment needs Psychological needs kill twink with rock Basic needs 284 2.9K 191K
Zabern of Zerrors @tavernoft... 1d ... t t please stop shoving quarters in the mothman statue's ass crack 342 2,870 19.1K 3.3M
Matt. @MattTheBrand· 13h In hindsight this was my biggest contribution to society Jennie Egerdie @hijennieblair • 3d ... Mama Bear is 27 YEARS OLD Camilla Scott (2003) lama Bear is one of the main characte he Berenstain Bears series. According tan Berenstain, Mama is 27 years old. as voiced by Ruth Buzzi in 1985 TV daptation of The Berenstain Bears nd Camilla Scott in the 2003 adaptatic Personality 258 2,748 25.9K Matt. ... @MattTheBrand she should be at the club 13 2,849 63.9K 805K
jay @jayythewave 23h update: it's not together. idk what i . smelled jay @jayythewave.2 2d i'm so close to getting my life together like i can smell it 58 4,048 27.7K 920K
ky @kyIiehickson 1d ... I was so excited to push myself to make friends with the people around me today at the game and I can't stop laughing because there was not a single person near me and I get home and see this F в 2024 Climate Pledge Arena HOMENTO o lot 0 $ - 2034 comete Pledge Arena MORANTO PAKE 13 K S NICK as - DEFEND DEFEND THE DEEP THE DEEP 188 1,255 46.5K 1.7M
abrish @cxrnerrstone 1d never let ur job prevent you from acting unemployed 1 10.3K 47K 2M
CHRIS @bamfartgera 16h thtty ... @crazykeith11 girls say the dumbest shit during sex like FUCK ME WHAT IT LOOK LIKE IM DOING?? 3:04 PM 12/9/21 Twitter for iPhone 6 Retweets 43 Likes This Tweet has been deleted. 8 1,052 13.8K 441K
Chris @citehchris - 17h ... - - - I (on a first date knowing women like it when you ask about them) so have they diagnosed you yet 16 1,331 18.2K 626K
Punch Cat @PunchingCat - 10h ... 29 my kitten is too small to eat from his bowl, so he 0:09 hopped inside 198 11.5K 107K 3M
Isabel Steckel @IsabelSteckel 20h ... should i airdrop this to the person in front of me on my flight 10:05 Notes March 7, 2024 at 10:05PM can i have an m and m? lol 27 730 30.9K 711K
Syd Divine Tarot dm for... 14h ... pls dont forget coleman Hey guys when you say something is for the girls and the gays can you include me in that as well? The girls the gays and Coleman if it's not too much trouble thanks guys A + 469.5K 14 1,547 36.4K 844K


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