John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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30 Funny Stories from School Picture Day Photographers

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30 Funny Stories from School Picture Day Photographers

School picture day can be eventful for the children and the photographers. On one hand, you may have a child who gets incredibly psyched to get his picture taken while holding his two samurai swords, and frankly, good for him. On the other, you have a photographer who sees a kid posing with two samurai swords and is definitely thinking “What the hell?” 

The professional photographers of Reddit have recalled some of the funniest situations they’ve encountered during school picture days past, and I really admire the tenacity of the kid with the space suit. 

 . 8y Some kid showed up in a fursuit. Like, full on fursuit. A bright blue fox, and he ended up having a half hour long argument with the photographer and assistant principal over it. ... 2.2k

postcardviews . . 8y Working at a school a little further out, not that nice of a suburb, kids were a bit feral but still corporative. Asked a kid to smile and say twisties! Kids yells back CUNT followed by looks from other photographers. Teacher didn't seem to care/pretended not to hear it so took the photo and let him go.

idliketobuyavowel_ . 8y While pushing kids bangs out of face teacher comes over and whispers in my ear you may not want to do that, he has lice fml. ... 13

MrBombastic4life . 8y Not a photographer, but when taking my year book photo the photographer took the first pic and said ok, now let's try not doing the creepy serial killer look. ... 15

suitology . . 8y guy at my school had a reverse Mohawk which is where you shave a line down the middle. The photographer actually asked him if he'd like to wear a hat. ... 5.4k

othersomethings . . 8y I asked a kid to please look at the camera like 3 times. Then I realized... Не had a lazy eye. Damn. ... 7.2k

Hylian-Loach . . 8y Fedoras everywhere. Also had one guy show up with a feral cat to pose with. ... 68

Finsceal . 8y I had a girl standing perfectly poised for the shot when her heel spontaneously snapped and sent her tumbling sideways, taking out one of my lamps. ... 31

NewStarKiller . 8y One kid brought in his duckyshine 3 mech keyboard. Paging r/MechanicalKeyboards ... 52

Need2throw 8y I do Santa photography. Had a 12 year old boy come in with his family. Не was extremely excited to meet Santa. So excited, he decided to pee his pants as I was setting the shot up. Didn't see until I took the first photo. With some clever hand positioning I was able to hide it for the most part. Parents didn't even notice. ... 512

dadtheplant. 8y Not a photographer, but was a yearbook editor. We received a photo of a girl wearing a gray shirt and had a painted gray face, apparently in attempts to blend in with the gray backdrop. Yearbook staff (feeling high and mighty) called her out for it and she claimed she had been part of a freak accident in chem lab where she had chemicals spilled on her skin. ... 26

AlabamaSniper . . 8y Years ago I traveled the SE states shooting family portraits but mostly kids. I was in the middle of a shoot with a 4yr. Old boy and used my standard phrase for smile say fuzzy pickles which normally worked. This time however, the kid misunderstood and in front of everyone said, fuckin pickles. Cringeworthy!!!!! ... 1.5k

happycheff . & 8y We were doing photos at a special needs high school. Guy comes up in a windbreaker, corduroy high water pants, velcro tennis shoes and the thickest glasses I've ever seen. I asked him whose class he was in so i could make sure he was in the right group and he said he wasn't a student, he worked there. ... 6.1k

gredgex . 8y Two of my friends in high school knew they were alphabetically next to eachother in the yearbook so they drew huge arrows on their faces pointing to each other. Another friend of mine put a Harry Potter lightning bolt on his forehead and burned his shirt that he had also ran over in his car and rubbed dirt all over his face and got his picture taken like that. His mom bought them without knowing what they looked like and she was pissed. ... 34

ThePoliticalPenguin 8y There's a kid I went to middle/high school with. Every year for pictures, he'd wear anything from Kakashi to Harry Potter cosplay... One year he even dressed up as Kid Icarus, using pink glitter wings he purchased from the dollar store. Brilliant kid though. ... 69

likeyoualatte. 8y I was photographing a 3rd grade class and I got to an adorable little boy and went through my list of instructions;  now turn your head here, shoulders here, oopsie, your right arm there. Wait. Please move your right arm. Не gave me the saddest little look and showed me the stub on his right shoulder. Не had no right arm. I felt like a terrible person. ... 6k

 8y I worked as a studio, school, and advertising photographer for a studio in Utah after high school. I am not a Mormon, neither am I originally from Utah. I just ended up there after a series of plans went sideways. At the end of one shoot, I had some extra time left and plenty of film, so I asked one of the parent volunteers if she wanted to get a picture done with her daughter. This woman could not have been 30. Oh no, I couldn't do that. My nine other kids would get upset ... 38

wakimaniac . 8y Spent 15 min with a guy because he blinked every time I took the photo. I tried everything in my book, making him close and open his eyes before snapping the picture, delaying the flash, shooting without flash, taking the picture while talking to him so he'll be distracted. Nothing worked. Ended up taking his picture with a cellphone, because apparently what made him close his eyes was the shutter/ mirror sound. ... 2.2k

kutuup1989 . 8y My high school prom picture is a doozie. It was taken in front of this big ornate fireplace. I had the picture taken with my girlfriend at the time. Thing is, we were very much what would be described as emo kids. I was wearing more makeup than she was. That photo does not leave the locked drawer it lives in. ... 925

hotdogjohnny 8y Kid I went to high school with showed up on picture day wearing a giant afro wig. Не had worn a wig the year before but it wasn't as noticeable so our Senior year he decided to push it. These weren't yearbook shots just school ids. Не gets to the front of the line and the photographer tells him to take the wig off. Не argues it was he real hair and even breaks out the my dad is black argument. Finally the guy just lets him take the picture with the wig on. ... 295

Sierra419 8y When I was in high school it was popular for the sports people to hold the ball of their sport in their picture and photographer would photoshop the ball on fire. At the time it was all the rage. It was so cool to see the jock quarterback with his varsity jacket with MVP medals pinned all over it holding a flaming football. Anyways, my friend requested that the photographer photoshop his head on fire and another picture with his hands on fire. To our surprise the guy actually did it. My friend got a picture of him

TheUnicornlsWatching . 8y My school was very strict about school photo day and were dictators on conformity: no hats, no shirts with words, no fun hair. One of my friends really wanted to wear sunglasses to stand out. So he brought these HUGE blind glasses to school and had his friends pretend to lead him to the front on the line, and actually place him down on the stool and angle his head for him. The teachers weren't there and the photographer totally bought it, but his mom was really pissed when the photos came back. ... 65

jinbaittai 0 8y Can we do funny? When I was a school photographer, to amuse myself I tried to give each kid in class a unique word to say. Fuzzy puppies! Funky monkeys! Etc etc. So I get this little girl at my chair. She's got the thickest glasses I've seen, an overbite, and is pale as a vampire. But whatever. A kid is a kid. So I say, Okay, say Fuzzy Kitties! And she gives me the most irritated look I've ever seen. Uh, I'n allergic to kitties. Like it was the dumbest thing anyone had ever said to

 8y When I was having my graduation portrait taken, the photographer pulled me aside afterwards and for like 30 minutes was talking about all this new Photoshop and airbrush techniques they could do now. I played along, being polite. I didn't really care, but he seemed super hyped about it and how cool it was. Turns out it was his subtle way of asking me what I thought if he airbrushed out my pimples - I had pretty awful acne at the time. Like, holy shit, lunar lander couldn't find a decent spot to put down in. Не eventually gave up and

Bonifaz_Reinhard . 8y A guy at my school demanded to have a picture of him with a Microsoft painted space suit on as his Senior Photo but the teachers wouldn't let him. So he paid extra to have himself as an ad in the final part of the year book, with a photo of him in a space suit ... 6.2k

Donkpup . 8y So I'm in kindergarten getting my picture taken (1980) ... The flash bulb pops and explodes, catches that umbrella thing on fire. All the teachers scream and I shit my pants..... Awkward when I get picked up by mom wearing underoo's and holding a plastic bag .... But the teachers said I was brave .... Ahhh simpler times. ... 2.4k

blunket . 8y I did senior portraits and this really nerdy lookin kid wanted photos with his two samurai swords. I tried my best to make it look cool but... I just... couldn't. Another senior did couples photos with her boyfriend. They specifically earnestly requested a pose where the girl posed all cute on one side of the couch, while the boy sat on the other side of the couch, staring at her while stroking his beard. That one didn't turn out well either. ... 4.9k

novazee . 8y I was trained to ask the kids first, if I could move their hair, adjust their glasses and fix their shirt if I needed to. I couldn't do it if I don't have the explicit permission form the kids. I had limited amount of time to take photos of hundreds of kids. One day, I was rushing and I wasn't thinking too much when I ask one of the girl to fix her hair, Can I touch you? She was like What? So I asked her again, Can I touch you? I remember asking her like 3

daswagen . 8y There was a very small country mountain high school we used to take senior pictures at every year. Only about 15 or 20 seniors each year, but there was no other photo studio or services for a few hours drive, so when we came to town to take pictures, it was a big deal. I did several sessions where I was taking entire family photos, newborn baby pictures, and bridal portraits during their senior portrait sessions. Yes, bridal portraits. Some were for upcoming weddings, but most were for the wedding (and/or children) they had already had during

thethirdriver 0 8y The photographer who did my senior photos told me the weirdest request she had gotten so far that year was a girl who very specifically wanted just one arm photoshopped to be especially thin. It ended up being a girl in my class and I noticed the second I saw her picture in the yearbook. She was a bigger girl so she had one chubby arm and one very, very, very skinny twig-like arm. She didn't seem to notice how weird it was. She was one of the more popular girls so of course everyone looked at

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John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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