John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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30 Hilariously Bad Tattoos

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30 Hilariously Bad Tattoos

Some people dedicate their bodies to the art of bad tattoos, and we should commend them for their service. A calf tattoo of Steve Urkel with an erection is the gift that truly keeps on giving. It’s hard to have a bad day knowing you’re always carrying that around with you, and it’s likely a good conversation starter if you’re not sure how to introduce yourself to new people. 

Redditors have shared either the worst ink they’ve gotten themselves or seen out in the wild, and we really wanna talk to the guy who got a tattoo of a flying penis.

 . 3y Not me but my mentor tattooed the words No daddy don't! on some guys hand. apparently the dude wanted to see that so he thought about his kids every time he reached for a drink. ... 129

sinclairsolutionss . 9y A friend willingly put a flying penis on his thigh. His explanation was dude it's so metal ... 403

nickelbackisbad . 9y While traveling in Portugal I met an Englishman who told me about his tattoo, and why it was a bad idea. Apparently he had met a girl and had taken her back to his place. They start getting physical and she begins taking off his pants so as to fellate him. She pulls down his pants and sees above his dick a tattoo that reads Does your dad know you're here? She then quickly gets her things and immediately leaves. ... 815

theresidentjunkie . 9y Not a tattoo artist but when I was in prison I knew a guy with #norules tattooed above his dick. I know he meant it to mean he was a sexual maverick but I couldn't help but hope that someday, someone would think it was an Outback Steakhouse reference. ... 1.1k

iSkateiPod . 9y I have a teacher with a tattoo above his belt line that says DONT LAUGH. ... 1.1k

Skullhunter . 9y One of the bouncers at the nightclub I used to work at has a T-Rex tattooed on her vagina do it's roaring open mouth is her cooter. I bet that was awkward. ... 199

tasty_rogue . . 9y I know a girl with a tramp stamp that says Ride em Cowboy. She recently got remarried and her new husband is not a fan. ... 892

tcg2815 . . 9y My tattoo artist used to have this guy come around the shop all the time begging for a free tattoo. Finally one day he agrees, as long as he can pick the tattoo. So on this guys calf, he tattoos a large image of Steve Urkel with a huge erection. ... 2.7k

Neo-Toni-123 . 2y a man who had a cat tattoo on his cheast. His nipple was supposed to act as the cats butthole ... 41

 . . 10y Tattoo of Elmer Fud pointing his rifle at a guys butt hole and saying come outta there you wascily wabbit ... 1.2k

sprogger . 9y I'm not an artist myself, but my friend called tom had the letters t and m tattooed either side of his bum hole to spell out his name. Pretty funny, but must of been horrible for the tattooist to have to shave his ass crack first. ... 19

Nyisles84 . . 9y I know a girl that right above her vag has speak friend, and enter in elvish. Incredibly hot and never have I been able to put my knowledge of lotr to better use than then. ... 117

MysteryRedhead . 9y A tattoo artist told me the funniest tattoo they ever did at his shop was on this really hot girl. She came in and wanted a plain doughnut on her lower back (tramp stamp area). Very important that it's a plain doughnut. Не had to ask why, of course. She said so guys can glaze her doughnut! I laughed my ass off. ... 53

Cecil2000 . 9y A lady I knew had a camel tattooed on the underside of her big toe, when at parties or anywhere really she would say wanna see my camel toe? She thought that shit was hilarious. ... 295

t_moose . 9y As a bet I got a tattoo of Don hertzfelts my spoon is too big guy on my right thigh. ... 119

TheatreHooligan . 9y When I was getting my first tattoo, the man who was there right after me was getting Atlas holding up his left butt cheek. The tattoo artist found it hilarious. ... 3.5k

jennacidejones . . 9y My fiancee and I are both tattoo artists and we run a shop out of NC. The weirdest experience I'd have to say is when an older gentleman in his late 50s early 60s came in to get his first tattoo. Не told me he wanted a rooster with a duck dynasty beard in a boxing stance ready to fight a chicken with the same beard. Oh and the two characters also had boners, with the words rock out with your cock out above it. Не loved it. Не even came back later to get a pot leaf

BloodyMarysBitch . . 3y The cousin of a friend got his first name in big letters on his right arm and his last name on his other arm. The first time we got introduced he showed me his arms ... 548

lainzee . 9y Acquaintance of mine has the Monster logo. Not above his dick though. ... 246

Snoop__Doge . 9y I worked as a tattoo artist briefly while seeking a full-time job after college. Some redneck came in wanting to propose to his girlfriend by getting a tattoo of himself on one knee with the words Will You Marry Me? below it on his lower back. The idea was that he was going to turn his back to his girlfriend and get on one knee in front of some other girl, exposing his proposal/tattoo to his girlfriend. It was a stupid idea. She said no.

inked_for_life . . 9y Welcome to the jungle on a dudes ass. Needless to say it was quite hairy. Shaving it was fun. Also posted this before, didn't actually do it, but a guy called wanting the monster energy drink logo right above his johnson. Asked if we had any gay or open minded artists. ... 1.4k

anti_everything . 9y Not an artist, but my brother got a tattoo of Matt Rolloff (Little People, Big World) with the words I may be small, but my heart is tall ... 1.1k

JustThisGuyAlright .  9y Was working as a lifeguard one summer when I noticed one of the other guards had a tattoo of what looked like balloons and confetti toward the waistline of his suit. What's the story, here? I ask innocently. Не answered with the sad air of somebody filled with regret, who had clearly answered this question a number of times before, Sigh. It's a party... in my pants. There's a party in my pants, ok? Let's not talk about it. ... 1.5k

everlasting813 . 9y I used to work in a busy walk-in shop on Haight street in San Francisco. A very popular street among tourist. I had a guy come in wanting a Grateful dead bear, wearing a cubs uniform, holding the Haight Ashbury street sign as a baseball bat, 420 as the jersey number with WWII on the bottom.......ya know....in honor of his grandpa. Nailed it. ... 644

I_DRINK_ANARCHY 2 2y A guy from South Philly got the shape of Italy tattooed on himself with the Italian flag colors...but the color pattern was backwards. I think it became the Hungarian flag or something. ... 6

amjasinski . 1y My cousin was adopted from Poland and has a Made in Poland tattoo. ... 3

ItsSatineActually - 9y Best friend is a tattoo artist in training. She was in the shop as an intern, and this lady came in asking for 'I don't take any shit' on her rib cage and a little pile of dookie. ... 303

audiomodder . 9y I guy a worked with had a tattoo of a rooster in a noose with the rope wrapped around the top of his calf. Не literally had a cock that hung below his knees. ... 882

 . 3y One time my uncle fucked up a tattoo of a turtle and its shell looks like it has a penis. ... 104

greenygro . . 2y Ha...my SIL's ex boyfriend had a pez dispenser with a penis as the head & it was shooting jizz out of it. This was on his calf for the whole world to see. Very likeable dude, very strange sense of humor. ... 14

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John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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