25 of the Funniest Things Kids Said to Try to Get Out of Trouble

‘God did it’
25 of the Funniest Things Kids Said to Try to Get Out of Trouble

Kid logic is funny as hell, which makes it really difficult to punish them when they do something wrong. How can you hear a child say, “It’s not my fault, mommy! My brain told me to do it!” and not laugh? Furthermore, how do you explain to that child that their defense is flawed? 

Redditors have relayed the funniest things children have said to them to weasel out of trouble, and some of these kids have improvisational skills that many adults lack — especially the toddler who claimed his brother was responsible for the poop his diaper. Needless to say, that kid’s going places.

BackstageLeft . 1 12y When I was five, my parents told me I was in trouble (for something, my parents don't remember what) and my dad said You knew the consequences. I responded with But I don't like the consequences! ... 33
BarfingBear . 12y When my kid was 3, after she went to the toilet I would ask her if she washed her hands. Hiding her hands behind her back she would say, I don't have hands. ... 136
omiewise138 12y When my brother (10 yrs younger) was 5, he said motherfucker to my mom. Then he tried covering it with I said 'mother's fat. I guess he thinks insulting her is better than swearing. ... 34
blowjane 12y My aunt was trying to discipline her 7 yr old son, and she says to him Matthew, the bible says to honour your mother and your father, to which Matt replies well, the national anthem says all thy sons command, so get me a pepsi. ... 502
odin528 . 12y To my niece: Don't go outside in your bare feet. Five year old niece: But I haven't got bear feet I've got little girl's feet. ... 243
13kat13 . 12y But I didn't do it! My hand made me do it! My hand is evil!! I said this at age five every time I broke something. ... 104
kayveryn . . 12y My youngest brother (2yrs) was asked if he pooped in his diaper. Не said no. Was asked how it got in there then, and blamed it on the 4 year old. Mike pooped in my diaper. ... 305
boogieboogie . 12y (tearfully) It's not my fault Mommy, my brain told me to do it! My 4.5 year old last week. ... 20
marmablue. 12y I didn't bite him! I just put my teeth on him My brother, at age 4. ... 78
 12y I was trying to get my older brother in trouble after a small fight we had when we were kids. I ran to my mom and, crying, told her: Не hit me back! ... 2
 12y When I was young my mom found me shoveling cookies into my mouth in the pantry. When she asked me what I was doing, I said Here Mom, it's for you!! while offering her a cookie. ... 2
benc1213 . 12y My dad told me today that a kid was misbehaving and the teacher sent him to the corner and he pulled out a card and said to talk to his lawyer. ... 155
MJhammer . 12y Dad: Is that the best excuse you can come up with? Sister: Hold on, I can come up with a better one! ... 3
 . 12y After breaking an expensive model of an eagle foot I handed to a child, he took the claw and snapped it off. Then, he handed it back to me and says, It's okay, I'm accident prone. ... ... 86
alerdz5 . . 12y I walked into my room to find my younger brother eagerly flipping through some old wallet I never used. I called him out, and he insisted that he was just looking for his blanket. It was such amusing bullshit that I just walked away, chuckling. ... 115
zaltod . 12y My daughter did this to me not that long ago. On Friday nights I stay up late playing video games. I eat junk food and drink beer all night. Saturday morning, my daughter (3 years old at the time) is usually downstairs before me. Me - Katie, did you eat skittles and cheetos for breakfast Her - Daddy, if you don't want me to eat skittles for breakfast, you shouldn't leave them on the floor I can't fault her logic, she won that argument. ... 52
alexftw . . 12y I got one that I said: I ate a cookie when I wasn't supposed. I turned to my mom and said, I tripped and the cookie fell in my mouth. I got some solid excuses. ... 229
. 12y When we were little, my brother punched me in the nose. When my mom asked him about it he said that he was stretching and my nose got in the way. ... 3
drotoriouz. 12y I caught my little brother stealing some toys from Ross. Не told me that THE STEALER PUT IT IN MY POCKET and he began to cry. But it wasn't an untrue statement... ... 9
charliebear_904 . 5y Dad came home early from work one day to find me with the vacuum hose suctioned over my basketball shorts. What the hell are you doing?! It slipped Не told that story to my new gf of 3 months the first night he met her... ... 5.3k
Mr_A . 12y My brother wet the bed for an abnormally long time and... no, I'm telling the story wrong, hang on... When my brother was asleep, hose fairies would come in through the window and wet his bed with a hose and then fly away. That's what happened. And although I slept in the same room, they never hosed my bed... in retrospect, I'm glad they didn't. ... 183
 . 12y God did it. From a five year old. ... 84
Leo-D . 12y I got caught looking at porn at age 11. Dad - What are you doing? Me - A book report. ... 71
rupert1528 . 5y I once rented a porn movie on Pay Per View. I must have been about 13. When the bill came at the end of the month and my mom asked me about it, I said that I had rented it on accident because I wanted to see if I could rent Drake and Josh on Pay Per View with my eyes closed... ... 3.2k
FlandersIV . 12y when my cousin was 4, he was playing Candyland with my aunt (his mom). Не was about to win but got a card that send him almost all the way to the beginning and he yelled FUCK!!!. My aunt gave him a look aunt gave him a look that would make any four year old tremble and screamed his name. In an act of pure genius and desperation, he yelled April fools!. How can you stay mad at that?! ... 55


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