25 of the Funniest Things People Admitted to While Drunk

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25 of the Funniest Things People Admitted to While Drunk

A drunken state is actually the best time to admit something wild, but only if everyone else is drunker than you. Unfortunately — or fortunately, depending on how you look at it — some people don’t follow that rule. Which is why one Redditor got an earful from his mom about not only the city he was conceived in, but also the furniture said conception happened on. Thanks to the power of alcohol, he’ll never look at a pull-out couch the same way again. 

To that end, other Redditors have spilled the secrets that were spilled to them in a drunken stupor, and there’s a lot of sex stuff people can’t wait to divulge when they’re a couple of beers deep.   

want-to-change . . 5y My very put-together, normal-looking, wealthy sister- and brother-in-law are super into scat. ... 77

9y I recently got a new job, and moved to a new city. My parents made me a big celebration dinner and we drank wine and beer and were having a great time. My parents' friend had recently posted a congratulatory message to me on Facebook, telling me that my move to the city was getting me closer to my roots. I asked my parents what this meant, and my mom immediately replied, Oh, you were conceived in Portsmouth! That's the home of the 'No Pull-Out Couch!' The look on my dad's face was worth it. ... 1.8k

mbz321 . . 9y In college, a dude (I am also a dude) that I was sort of buddies with told me that he only had one testicle. TMI... ... 1

TheArkmaster . 9y A couple months ago, a friend of mine started crying because he was upset that Ron Paul didn't win the 2012 election. ... 44

NightSage . 9y After a night of drinking we went to the store to buy house hold supplies. I want to share everything with you, if you have a nose bleed you can use my tampons cause they're small and my pussy is small. ... 1.5k

belbites . 9y Got drunk with my exs family, his mom stole me away to show me her sex swing and fuck me heels. Then she asked if I wanted to borrow either ... 27

yoga_pants_only . 9y I ran into a guy I worked with at a bar during a Mardi Gras- themed bar crawl. Не sat down on the sidewalk looking like he needed to have a serious heart to heart and told me he had an exceptionally large penis that curved at such an angle that enabled him to penetrate his own asshole. Probably the last thing I ever expected to hear from a senior coworker. ... 3.2k

Zero4505 . 9y Late to the party. But I got hammered and told my wife's aunt, and two adult cousins that I have a tiny penis. ... 4

Bigwhistle . 7y Many years ago, I had a (unknown to me) airport cop come in, and as he got progressively drunker, told me about his lucrative part time job. Не was paid an absurd amount of money to visit certain arriving aircraft, seek out certain baggage handlers, and put suitcases full of drugs in his patrol car, which he'd transfer to his private vehicle at the end of his shift, and deliver to his employers. ... 305

FlopsyBunny . 7y I was in the bar car on Amtrac years ago. Very crowded, A very drunk man offers to buy my friend & I a round if he could sit with us. The man is very hammered, but normalish. Until he says : The State Troopers pulled me over, I was clean but had the dead girl's jewelry was wrapped around my dick. Then he left. ... 16

fartbargains . 9y Was drinking with my brother in my mid 20s, and out of the blue he says, Whatever happened to dad's daughter in Vietnam? And from that I learned I have a half sister. ... 3.6k

Dzioch . . 9y My friend got so shitfaced, he admitted that he attempted to shove a corona up his ass, and it didn't come out as easily as it went in apparently. ... 3

BlackCaaaaat. 9y That she pissed in the cat litter at the last party she was at. ... 126

weezermc78 . 9y I was drinking with friends, watching TV, whatever. One of my friends says, Guys, I need to ask you something We all kind of look at each other, wondering what it could be. What is it like having a circumcised penis? I'm uncircumcised. And that's when I learned that one of my best friends still has the hood. ... 5

. 10y When my son was in college, he got really drunk one night and decided it would be a smart idea to call home and put a girl on the phone whom he'd just met at a party. They both slurred through nonsensical sentences before I finally said, okay, be safe son. My son just whispered, I'll use protection. But, don't worry dad, she's 20. She can't be a teen mom. We still tease him about that to this day. ... 2.3k

deathnotice . 9y my friend looked right at me and said You know I masturbate to your facebook pictures and then immediately threw up into a flower pot. ... 2.4k

Skawskankredemption 9y I just pissed on the table dont tell josh... im josh ... 2.6k

Capitaincrunch95 . 9y My friend in the dorm came screaming out of his room saying, I lost my virginity! Over and over. Не was wasted and then proceeded to show me the stained sheets of beer and sex. ... 2.4k

Daxapotamus . 9y Friend was hooking up with a girl in his room. he barges out completely naked. Не is fully torqued with the condom still on but has the biggest smile on his face. Не then proceeds to yell and repeat to everyone at the party, She said it's too big! It's too big! ... 2.4k

GRIMMnM . 9y When I was about 12 my dad was talking to me while he was drunk and told me exactly where his playboys were. That's also the night I realized that no woman in the 90's shaved. ... 2

UneAutreNom . 9y A friend was working for a company that installed home security systems. One night he drunkenly confessed that he also broke into houses that were protected by such systems.

xkojakx . . 9y Some guy at the bar confessed to murdering my wife, who was sitting on the other side of me ... 2.9k

. 7y I had a friend reveal to me that she believed she was possessed by the characters from a book series she enjoyed. ... 7

Cat_Mayorz. 9y I shit you not a girl in high school who i i talked to after, we went to a bar one night and she confessed to me how she shit in a SINK, at a local hockey rink. I was at the rink at the time, remember hearing about it but no one ever knew who did it. Needless to say, we don't talk anymore ... 2

fungaljungle . . 9y My sister had a bottle of wine and let me know that she never really liked my girlfriend, the very same girlfriend who was sitting next to me.

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