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No one in development objected? Really?!?!

34 Toys That Should Have Been Recalled Immediately

February 17, 2024

Companies these days are always tryin’ to get you with the add-ons. Well, toy companies are no different. Take the CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit, for example. You can’t buy it without also buying the CSI Asbestos Examination Kit. And it’s a good thing you did, because it actually found asbestos in the fingerprint kit.

Speaking of which, a whole slew of other safety-related products are going to be needed for these toys…

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34

Nazi Happy Nazis Tank Discovery AGES 6+ KIDS + 18 over 160 PIECES Panzer IV CONSTRUCTION PLAYSET WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD-Small parts. Not for children under J years. CRACKED.COM WOLLD - your — Source

33

A toy gun that shoots delicious Pez candies? 98 98 fun to eat fun to shoot Ready- Aim- Fire! PEZ SHOOTER DISPENSER SEE BACK FOR EXCITING TARGET GAME ANY BASTEN RO2 P T E2 P E2 R E 2 PEZ - MAINE What could possibly go wrong? CRACKED COM — Source

32

CRACKED.COM No 4111 The E.T. E.T. Finger Light Finger Finger Light Glows When Pressed Ages 4 and Okey Helping BATTERY INCOUDED kids have fun in the Kluckerbocker dark — Source

31

ZZ TM This is the end of the handle of a Wolverine blow-up squeaky hammer, fully licensed by Marvel. As you can see, the blow valve was placed in an interesting spot... CRACKED.COM — Source

30

These cuddly plush toys hail from Sweden, where their names are Kiss & Bajs. Pee&Poo Set PUGU - :-Tretorn And just in case anthropomorphized urine & feces isn't enough fun for your children... ...the company also makes this underwear. CRACKED.COM — Source

29

CRACKED.COM SWEDISH PLUSHIES PEE&POO WILL CONFUSE THE SH*T OUT OF YOUR CHILDREN. Pee & Poo - There's making toilet training fun, and there's encouraging your toddlers to grow attached to their own waste products. Like, cuddling with poo while they sleep attached. At the very least, learning to flush their friends down the toilet is going to be psychologically jarring. — Source

28

CRACKED.COM A BLACK PERSON AS A MONKEY? SOMEBODY SAID. ADORABLE! NO ONE WILL EVER OBJECT. A sock monkey representing Barack Obama was released by a Utah-based company during the '08 presidential race. Its makers claimed they never intended to upset anyone with their cute and cuddly monkey, somehow unaware that this is an old and tired racist caricature. — Source

27

CRACKED.COM IT TOOK DEAD CHILDREN TO BAN LAWN DARTS. Contains 4 JAVELIN DARTS 2 TARGET CIRCLES HASBRO JAVELIN DARTS If you're going, What the hell were they thinking to sell huge flying metal spikes to play with, S you're not alone. The U.S. banned them for good in the late '80s-but only after they had caused thousands of injuries (and a few deaths) over three decades. — Source

26

CRACKED.COM BRATZ BABYZ SHOW YOU'RE NEVER TOO YOUNG TO BE A MINX. - in These dolls went through the whole process of being conceived, designed, pitched, approved, manufactured, and distributed, and apparently no one along the line thought of saying, You know, maybe we really shouldn't sexualize babies. — Source

25

AMAZONIA BARBIE WOULD FEEL LOST IN THE ACTUAL AMAZON. You'd have to travel the Amazon for years to find the one person Amazonia Barbie was inspired by, and it'd probably be some tourist deluded that they' 're blending with the local culture. From the feathers atop her hair to her tribal tattoos, this Barbie looks conceived by people who think that South America is some mythical land. CRACKED COM — Source

24

CRACKED G COM YOU CAN GO HIKING WITH KARL MARX AND HIS FRIENDS! MOUNTAIN RESEARCH Japanese toy maker Mountain Research released a foursome of surveyors modeled after Karl Marx, Vladimir Lenin, Mao Zedong, and Henry David Thoreau. There's no indication as to why two Communist dictators, the philosopher who inspired them, and an unrelated poet guy are hiking mountain trails. — Source

23

CRACKED COM GOD JESUS WILL ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS! GOD JESUS - SWOK - - Sorry you had to find out this way, but the deity many of you pray to is a Japanese robot made by Bandai in the '80s. It works like some kind of divine Magic 8-Ball, though, SO you can rest assured your existential questions will all be answered. — Source

22

Eat your friends at MCDONALDS Fisher-Price Little People - M D'S RESTAURANT . PLAYSET McDonald's McDonald's frio CRACKED.COM The playset features both an anthropomorphic hamburger pal and a play restaurant where you can order and eat... hamburgers. Hopefully, the burgers you buy inside don't have huge googly eyes. — Source

21

Stick your hand in the fry bin at KFC PEPSI CRACKED.COM Now you can earn play-mininum- wage for serving up fake chicken legs. Complete with oodles of imitation KFC food, numerous spoken words, and frying sound, but only when you press your palm on the faux-grill. — Source

20

Kid noses run on DUNKIN' DUNKIN' DONUTS NO DONUTS DUNKIN' DUNKIN' DONUTS MILK CRACKED.COM de MAKE THE DONUTS - There's nothing that crazy about plastic versions of your favorite foods. It's the built-in donut smell that makes these beauties special, guaranteed to make your dog chew them to bits. — Source

19

Mommy, there's a creature in my DAIRY QUEEN End CCM Series f DQ COLLECT I Them ALL! e فعد 1200 BLIZZARD - so WARNING: NAME Seal - - Sympo CRACKED.COM Like most people, we've imagined what might be living inside our Raspberry Fudge Bliss Blizzards. Turns out it's a green-skinned demon with detachable ponytails. Collect 'em all! — Source

18

This playset is almost as tasty as the real SUBWAY SUBWAY CRACKED.COM Slapping rubbery slices of faux meat and almost-cheese onto hard slabs of bread isn't that far off from actually working at Subway. Congratulations, son - - you're a Sandwich Artist™! — Source

17

Speak ad slogans, boy! Say yo quiero TACO BELL CRACKED.COM This version of the Yo Quiero chihuahua toy portrayed him as a revolutionary, complete with Che Guevara beret, leading to newspaper headlines like Latino Leader Calls For Taco Bell Boycott. Viva Gorditas! — Source

16

16-bit Ronald makes the world safe for MCDONALDS SEGA McDonalds Treasure Treasure Land Adventure E GENESIS McDonald's GENESIS I Adventing GENESIS SEGA FO GA SEGA THE GENESIS SEGA SEGA - SELLA CRACKED.COM From the folks who brought you Sonic, Treasure Land Adventures gets surprisingly good reviews. Ronald beats up anthropomorphic food to gather pieces of a treasure map, which ultimately sends the clown back to McDonaldland for a heapin' helping of cholesterol. — Source

15

Product Recalls CSI Fingerprint Examination Toy Kit The Asbestos Disease Awareness Organization did a study in 2007 and found out that the hit had asbestos in it. That's not something you want anywhere, let alone in a toy for kids, so the kit was recalled. AGES 10+ CSI: ADULT SUPERVISION RECOMMENDED WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD Jomal parts Not for - - 3 yours CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION WARNING: FINGERPRINT - - - e EXAMINATION KIT - - - USE FINGERPRINT BRUSH COLLECT TO GUST EXAMINE, REAL D RECORD PRINTS FINGERPRINTS WITH CHISSON'S CSI TEAM CSI: un nar VAO Done Always F HAND CRIME — Source

14

Product Recalls Sky Dancers In 2000, Galoob Toys Inc. recalled 8.9 million Sky Dancers flying dolls due to reports of 150 injuries, including eye injuries, broken teeth, a mild concussion, a broken rib, and facial lacerations. CRACKED — Source

13

Product Recalls Midge doll In 2002, Walmart stopped selling the Mattel Happy Family set, which had a pregnant Midge doll wearing a it's a girl! pink skirt and a removable stomach with a baby inside. Mom loves newbo baby ppy famile Mom & Baby CRACKED — Source

12

Product Recalls Mario Party 8 In 2007, Nintendo had to take back all the copies of Mario Party 8 in the UK because of a mistake in the assembly process, which led to the inclusion of a pretty offensive word in the final game. CRACKED — Source

11

Product Recalls Po the Teletubby In 1998, a Teletubby doll named Po caused a stir when parents said it was teaching their kids bad words. The company that sold the dolls said Po was actually saying faster, faster and slower, slower in Cantonese. It got recalled anyway. press press Teletubbies CRACKED — Source

10

Product Recalls Pencils In 1998, a 10-year-old student noticed that when they sharpened pencils with the message Too Cool to Do Drugs on them, the message changed to, uhh, the opposite. This led to the pencils being recalled. TOO COOL TO DO DRUGS COOL TO DO DRUGS DO DRUGS DRUGS CRACKED — Source

9

CRACKED.COM APRIL O'NEIL WILL SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME. Hey, do you remember that episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where April was a streetwalker? Neither do we, but that didn't stop Playmates Toys from releasing this Ravishing Reporter action figure, complete with detachable skirt. — Source

8

CRACKED.COM JESUS IS TRULY KING OF KITSCH. Who knew Jesus was so kick-ass at such a variety of activities? And the crown of thorns doesn't seem to bother him, either! These figurines are supposed to be wholesome and inspiring, but they ultimately come across as blasphemously tacky instead. — Source

7

CRACKED.COM THIS TRICYCLE WAS THE MOST OBVIOUS RECALL EVER. The Disney Princess Plastic Racing Trike brings a fantasy kingdom close to your children. So close, in fact, they risk getting it impaled in their little skulls. One sudden stop is all it takes. To no one's surprise, this murdercycle was recalled in 2011. — Source

6

CRACKED COM BABY PRINCESS DIANA WILL HAUNT YOU. Ashton-Drake Galleries makes creepy realistic baby dolls for adults to treat like real infants. Not disturbing enough for you? How about a replica of a beloved dead princess when she was a baby? — Source

5

CRACKED COM WHAT'S CUDDLIER THAN A BABY? A PREMATURE BABY! In a misguided attempt at... well, something, Coleco released preemie Cabbage Patch Kids in the 1980s. The preemies were smaller and had less hair that the regular dolls. Not included were the incubator and tubes required to keep real prematures babies alive, as that could have made them less adorable. — Source

4

CRACKED COM SPIRIT WAS A JUMBLE OF STEREOTYPES IN THE SHAPE OF AN ACTION FIGURE. Everything about G.I. Joe figure Spirit was a Native American stereotype, starting with his name: Charlie Iron-Knife. His card file described him as a tracker, a shaman, and a mystic warrior. Не also had an American eagle, because we know every Native American is issued one of those. — Source

3

НИ gerfa DON'T DENY IT. 20 Fahrt sun CRACKED COM elen YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO PLAY WITH THE PLAGUES OF EGYPT. on und PLAGUES Berfin Codes, fb befoble áußer ment, de eborgen anbend If anything is ripe to be captured in soft, cuddly animal form, it's surely the Lord's mighty wrath being visited upon Pharaoh and his people. Now your child can enjoy locusts, boils, dead firstborns, and other such fun! — Source

2

CRACKED.COM OREO BARBIE DIDN'T LAST LONG ON THE SHELVES. Oreo Barbie, born in 1997 from a cross-promotional partnership between Mattel and Nabisco, came in both white and black versions. You can tell every person involved was white because nobody knew that MA Oreo is a derogatory OREO term in the African American community for a black person who is ORE white on the inside. — Source

1

CRACKED.COM IT'S A STRIPPER POLE! FOR PRETEENS! peekabo Pole Date This toy stripper pole, complete with a garter and money to stuff into it, could be found in 2006 in the British grocery store chain Tesco. They denied the pole was marketed to children, despite the fact that it was exhibited in the - toy section and advertised boo I I as suitable for 11-year-olds. — Source

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