31 Funny Stories About Living in a Small Town

All hail the Livestock Queen!
31 Funny Stories About Living in a Small Town

People who have only lived in big cities can’t comprehend small-town life. Yes, you can walk to a bodega and get coffee or whatever, but you will never know what it feels like to be crowned “Livestock Queen” at the week-long Livestock Festival. That is the sacrifice you’re making by living in “New York City,” or “Los Angeles,” or wherever the hell else. 

To that end, Redditors have gathered together and recalled the funniest things they’ve witnessed while living in a small town. Have any of you heard of cow patty bingo?

BugsArePeopleToo . . 59d My town opened a strip club when I was about 18. My friends and I were all pumped to go, for some reason we thought it'd be strangers stripping and not Judy from math class and the blond Aubrey that used to work nights at Wendy's. ... Reply 16k
Plastic_Kangaroo1234 .5 59d My fiancé took me to a popular festival in his tiny hometown. Some guy nodded and waved at him on the street. I asked how they knew each other. Fiancé told me he was the only other guy in town with the same name as him. Also, his dad told him not to sleep with a particular chick because she might be his half-sister. ... Reply 9k
KenmoreToast . 59d Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy. ... Reply 5.9k
 11y Small town in Central/Southern IL: A man's horse died and he hadn't yet taken it to the dump. Some drunk rednecks got together about a week after it died and decided they should take it instead. They tied it behind their truck and started dragging it to the dump, but decided it would be more fun to drag it around the square a few times. Was fine until the skin tore and it started leaking horse fluid and parts all over the pavement. ... 1.2k
 . 59d The traffic on the main street of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem. ... Reply 9.4k
americanslang59 . . 11y I grew up in Memphis but I used to go to this really small town in Arkansas a couple weekends a month. I got a bowl cut with an actual bowl on my head by a barber with three fingers on one hand. edit: For people asking, it's Mountain View, Arkansas. It was 15 years ago so I don't remember their name. ... 1.2k
marilynmonrobot. 11y One of my friend's uncle (let's call him Rob) acquired a pet raccoon. Не named it Cuddles and one day she went missing. So he goes out to the road to check to see if she had been hit by a car, sure enough there was the raccoon obviously dead. Не picks up the raccoon, brings her back to his house, then starts to dig a grave for it. During this time Rob is calling all his friends and family, inviting them out for a funeral for his dead raccoon. We all show up with food and beer.
BronxBelle 59d I'm from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn't want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother's name. The officer goes Hey, you're Donnie's granddaughter! I ain't gonna write you a ticket but I'm telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause
Algernon_Moncrieff - 11y Also, I was buying beer in a very small town in central Oregon. (It was just a store/gas station on a state highway). As a young-looking 21 year old, I carried my passport with me because I figured it was better, and more believable ID. I got carded and handed him my passport. Не said, I asked for ID, not a book. ... 406
Montana_Bob . 11y Lived in a town of about 250 people until I was 14. Was at the local bowling alley during league night. Walked into the bathroom/locker room to find a few older gentlemen holding a huge package filled to the brim with a white substance, which I found out later in life was cocaine. I told my old man this, and he just shook his head, clearly knowing who they were. Apparently everyone knew about them and just didn't give a shit. Just found out recently that the cocaine ring (if you wanna call it that) was busted with
DoodooExplosion - 59d Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night. ... Reply 3.3k
sighnwaves . 59d Where I grew up if we called 911 after midnight the operator would have us hold so she could wake up the sheriff. ... Reply 1.4k
 11y My next door neighbours divorced. The mother won the house. When we moved away the father bought our house. They are now both in homosexual relationships, living as next door neighbours. ... 347
EffectSubject2676. 59d Left the grocery store and forgot a bag. Another customer brought it to my house. ... Reply 11.1k
mediocrelpn . 5 59d my dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home. ... Reply 6.7k
PenisSizedNipples . 11y My hometown once had its major roads shut down because a rafter of wild turkeys decided to hang out in the street for a day. ... 923
Anonymoosehead123 . 59d My hometown got a McDonald's in 1976. The town had a parade for it. ... Reply 2.2k
Unlikely-Candle7086 . ! 59d Squirrel festival and a new squirrel bridge reveal. ... Reply 1.3k
PyrrhuraMolinae . 59d We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down. ... Reply 4.5k
equal_poop . 59d A friend's great aunt lived in a tiny town about 40-50 miles from the suburb we live in, we went to visit her and she had a newspaper laying out and I asked if I could read it. They had a lost and found section. It read like this: FOUND A child's left glove, green then gave an address. I couldn't believe it. ... Reply 1k
 . 11y I was 16, hanging out on the roof of a local establishment (because what the fuck else are you gonna do in small town America), and a cop in uniform, who was drinking, offered me a beer. 25 now and still occasionally get ID'd, so it's not like I've ever looked older than I am. ... 481
Aw_Hell_Naw OP 11y My home town has an endless supply of these stories. Every spring my home town has a Livestock Festival, a weeklong celebration of livestock! One lucky high school girl is crowned the Livestock Queen and presides over the festivities. A prestigious position to be sure! During the livestock week tickets are sold to an event called cow patty bingo in which an indoor showroom is divided into over a hundred small squares and a cow is released onto the floor. If you are lucky enough to have the cow shit into the square you had chosen, you
ApparentlyNotAToucan . 1 11y Little children including my sister set out on school's environment day to pick up trash in woods. Find WW2 bomb. ... 1.9k
 . 11y I lived next to a farm in Siler City, NC. one day as a kid I walked down the road to explore under the bridge on my road. to my surprise, I found a bag full of rotten cow carcasses. ... 532
montereyo . . 11y I got a parking ticket for five dollars for blocking a sidewalk. When I didn't pay it in time they added on a two-dollar late fee. ... 913
FallingSnowAngel - 11y I was offered $50 to cast a curse on NASCAR. ... 1.1k
 11y -I was an EMT for a small company. One of our trucks hit a deer in a neighboring jurisdiction; argument ensued about who got to keep the deer. -Man on meth throws cash register at store clerk. After pursuit that ends when he is captured on the roof of the bowling alley, he ends up in the hospital for having broken an ankle running; tiny emergency room means he is placed in one of the two neighboring beds, the other being occupied by the store clerk. hilarity ensues ... 1.1k
MoonieNine . . 59d I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, Whose house did you buy? ... Reply 16.6k
 . 11y I grew up in Flagstaff, Arizona in the 80's. As a kid, one of my favorite places to go with my father was Ruff's Guns and Liquor. And it was exactly what it sounds like - a combination gun and liquor store.
theyusedthelamppost. 59d one spring, the front page of the local newspaper's top headline was Deer finds grass in <town name> The fact that someone had a picture of a deer who found some grass meant that winter might finally be over, which is the big news that everyone cares about. ... Reply 4.2k
AlexRyang . 59d A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him. Reply 14.8k
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