26 of the Funniest Tweets from December 29, 2023

One beer for the dog, please
26 of the Funniest Tweets from December 29, 2023

Move over, Roxie. The name on everybody’s lips today is Strawberry Pop-Tart. A late entrant in some of the most entertaining television you’ll watch all year originated from last night’s Pop-Tarts Bowl. North Carolina State and Kansas State’s shootout took a backseat to the unhinged edible mascot from the very moment they ascended from a comically large toaster. Taking notes from a pantheon of deranged Philly sports mascots, the mascot ran amuck and harassed everyone from referees to stadium security. All of this free-wheeling fun led to the puffed pastry’s tragic demise as they later were eaten by the handful following Kansas State’s 28-19 victory over North Carolina State. While we’ll miss the crazed toaster pastry dearly, their short life reminded us of the fun to be had during College Bowl Season as a celebration of the hard work athletes put in all season. 

In other deranged news, Ripley and the Xenomorph are reuniting in the most unlikely of places: a children’s book. Familiar faces from Ridley Scott’s horrifying and iconic intergalactic tale Alien will be making appearances in A Is for Alien: An ABC Book. The Little Golden Book title, which is being published by Penguin Random House, will bring young readers aboard the Nostromo and teach them the alphabet with characters and assets from the 1979 film. Here’s hoping that B stands for “bursting out of somebody’s chest.”

And, of course, let’s not forget our favorite place to find all things unhinged: our amateur comedians on the timeline. Today’s funniest tweets include those about a horny internet browser, a girl who is the catch of the day and some more college football highlights. 

Who Dey Wedge @RealWedge... 14h ... Not the hero we deserved but the hero - يحية Skyline we needed.... #PopTartsBowl #poptarts 27 1,241 21K 999K
maya @mayaisfiya 23h did i buy a fake id for my dog because i think it'll be so funny to take her to patio bars and show them her id?? yeah maybe i might I have done that 53 1,336 55.3K del 1.7M
@charleyonhere 1d ... check this out dude (I walk down imaginary stairs behind a couch but then there's a real gunshot) 2 755 9,167 316K
tomb @TurmShrub. 1d ... realizing toad from mario will out live me and shutting my eyes on the highway 4 532 6,785 254K
charlie squire @evil_female 23h and my boyfriend has a crush on the scandi-coded girl on the bulk salted herring tub. every time we pass the refrigerator he sighs wistfully and says ... she's so cool.... ...i can never be her... BLINGS AVED CHS OHNE HAUT HERINGSFILETS GESALZENE rtungsvoller Fischzucht FILETS HERINGS SALZ REICH SA von Natur aus laktose- und glutenfrei ohne Kopf, umweltvertr عامة und nach sozia Standards herge FEINKOST REICH SALZ HERINGS HER GEHALT FILETS GA-3-FETTSAI GESALZENE 283010051271-01 HERINGSFILETS OHNE HAUT LIEBLINGS LACHS 10 ALL ERINGS LETS ALZENE INGSFILETS IE HAUT 379 10K uagnu 217K
Mike Golic Jr @mikegolicjr • 13h ... M BALIC 9 ESF this is my body which will be given up for you POP-TARTS BOWL 19 28 FIN 92 1.7K 17K del 1M
Cof fee Lovers and Fans @tonyhawktruther - 1 18h ... Chocolate cookies fan I see... Seed oils. Strike 1 Visual Aesthetics @alluring_taste - 12/18/23 How do you open? food LE Fresh - CHOCOLATE COOKIES - L . DE 5 126 4.5K 222K
Stone Cold Jane Austen @AbbyHiggs 14h Me watching the Roku City screensaver instead of streaming something 24 1K 12K 409K
leisha @leisha1196 . 1d ... RUN DONT WALK M HOLIDAY CREME PIES 111 66K 10 673
ash! @spaceashes 21h ... me after someone asks me how im spending my weekend Microsoft Edge @MicrosoftEdge . 2 22h Replying to @Wistemin 1. Edge 2. Edge 3. Edge 32 2.7K 37K 2.1M
Dan Wetzel @DanWetzel 23h ... If you have an issue with a baseball stadium hosting a football game sponsored by a cloud storage system named after a Japanese horseradish kicking off at 11 a.m. on a Thursday, then I'm not sure we can be friends wasabi FENWA BOWL WASABI FENWAY BOWL 24 SMU BOSTON COLLEGE o 3 11-2 6-6 2ND 14:00 35 1ST & 10 The ROSE BOWL HAME ESPN NHL Avalanche 4 Coyotes 5 Final/OT و MICHIGAN vs a ALABAMA COL > MacKinnon: PP Goal(19). Ast: 19-game point streak MONDAY 5 ET ESPN ESPN2 ESPN 85 1.4K 18K 1.6M
Adam Sass @TheAdamSass 1d ... Me flying home, watching the little plane icon inch forward on the map 12 298 7.1K 186K
ben fox @fakenaturals. 17h ... This probably makes hockey guys so fucking mad Stanley cap All Shopping News Videos Images Maps Boo trophy STANLEY CUP logo hockey PLAYOFFS Sponsored Shop stanley cup STANLEY STANL الا The Sports Stanley Stanley 40 oz Stainless Stee... Quencher H2.... NHL 14-in $35.00 $45.00 $84.90 Amazon.co Amazon.com Target Free shinning Free shin 95 2.9K 71K 2.5M
Trill Withers @TylerIAm.13h ... Nobody: November 22, 1963: Nicole Auerbach @NicoleAuerbach 13h ESPN POP-TARTS BOWL 19 28 FINAL 84 1.1K 14K 2.5M
MovieBoy @movieboy69 20h They finally made a version of Wonka I can relate to (he is in massive debt) MovieBoy @movieboy69.21h Now watching IIMOTHÉE CHALAMET EVERY GOOD THING IN THIS WORLD STARTED WITH A DREAM Wonka GOBBLE IT UP ONLY IN THEATERS December 15 UNG KU DISCOVER IT A DolbyCnema PG EXPERIENDE(TINIMAX 7 224 6.6K 333K
Deb JJ Lee (they) @jdebbiel . 2 21h ... this weekend I learned my dad sits like a bisexual 83 1.8K 46K 749K
Sesame Chiccen @Loccdawggg 1d You think I'm not gonna smell the power of pine sol the moment I pick the cup up? Slim @slim_ma97. 1d Be careful with me ORIGINAL Pine since 1642 MOTT'S Sol - اليوم 100% Juice MULTI-SURFACE CLEANS A DEODORIZES KILLS 59.9% OF GERMS APPLE 40 FL OZ VIVIN LIBL 98 4.8K 33K 1.2M
STATE Marie Bardi-Salinas @mariebardi 1d ... that pun and ge This is supposed to be a cannon / important Texas thing, but I literally thought it was a Hitachi magic wand Imao POLSI 98 20 ! I acts TRUM حر 3 4 $11.99 Sit oz $11.99 % AS ©Te Design 94 COME AND TAKE IT 3K 41K 1.2M 182
RedditCFB @RedditCFB - 21h CCBB College football is the best: Daniel Burbank @DanielBurbankTV 1d This is a real statement from the Episcopal Diocese of West Virginia. #DukesMayoBowl The Episcopal Diocese of West ... Virginia 35m It's come to our attention that during tonight's Duke's Mayo Bowl, in which WVU competed and won, sports commentators were seen putting Duke's Mayo on pepperoni rolls. Let it be known that putting mayo on pepperoni rolls is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord. Those who perpetrate this heinous act have committed a mortal sin which can only be forgiven by special dispensation from
Putruck #1 fan of the big wheel scene from PO... 1d ... Like yesterday Austen @Austen.2 2d Honestly when was the last really good original movie? DiscussingFilm DF @DiscussingFilm New sequels coming in 2024: Joker 2 Dune 2 Smile 2 Sonic 3 Venom 3 Terrifier 3 Gladiator 2 Bad Boys 4 Deadpool 3 Inside Out 2 Beetlejuice 2 Paddington 3 Ghostbusters 4 Despicable Me 4 Kung Fu Panda 4 Beverly Hills Cop 4 14 43 3.4K 185K
ava! @F41rygirl 23h me when a mechanic is talking to me IV IS A24 MW ID BEAU IS BEAU AFRAI AFRAID ليم A24 BEAU IS BEAUIS A AFRAID AFRAID 33 7K 64K 1.6M
10h yeaaa @yrs His name gort 26 2,103 17.6K 289K
danisha carter @danishaca... 18h ... PMSing is crazy because i can literally feel the anger inside me trying to find something to be mad about 75 8,238 39.1K 1.1M
@charleyonhere 17h newborn babies after they open their eyes Post Barack Obama Follow ... @BarackObama Update: I just saw The Color Purple and loved it. 19 2,042 36.8K del 770K
RAMSEY @rumsey_lol.1 19h Oh, you smoke weed?? How about you go weed a book 23 2,022 17.6K 788K
Beth @DylanoSimp 23h ... Not me but my mums cousin found out her husband was having an affair so before she left she sewed shrimp into the hems of the curtains. Eventually the smell got so bad for the husband that he moved house, and took the curtains with him The Annasthesiologist @fu... 1d What's the pettiest thing you have ever done? I'll start. Friend of a friend would bring a specific snack to every event/gathe... 20 771 17.4K 808K
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