31 of the Weirdest Things Parents Caught Their Kids Doing

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31 of the Weirdest Things Parents Caught Their Kids Doing

Being a helicopter parent at least lets you know when your kid is doing some weird shit. Sure, it may hinder their development, make them paranoid or stunt their general sense of self, but at least you’d be able to keep your child from licking the floor so they don’t develop a penchant for the taste. Or, you’d notice the container of garlic powder was missing before your child coated himself and the bathroom in garlicky goodness. 

In that vein, parents on Reddit have revealed the most bizarre things they’ve caught their kids doing, and we can’t wait until these children grow up and inevitably run for Congress.

Bhavana1234 . 3y My son licked my toe. I asked him what he was doing, and he said time traveling. Не was three ... 2k

Goose_Season . 3y When my son was first learning to talk my mom kept saying Just wait until he learns to say no! Like, really building up the anticipation. Well, I open my eyes one morning to my beloved child, 3 inches from my face and staring at me. As soon as he sees I'm awake, he loudly and dramatically whispers NO. I still feel like he was letting me know that whole phase had started ... 779

djsantadad . 3 3y My 3 year olds first joke was hey look at my armpit and she would point at her armpit and laugh. She would do this over and over. They warn you about first steps and first words but first joke? I am a proud dad.

 . 3y Upon hearing that my pre teen daughter tried to escape home via her bedroom window, I spoke up to her. I showed her how easy it is to just walk out the front door. ... 1.8k

Compulsive-Gremlin . 3y I woke up to my five year old spraying windex on the window beside my bed, cleaning it thoroughly, then nodding at me and moving on to cleaning the windows in the next room. I still don't know what the hell was happening.

LaurenLumos . 3y When my brother-in-law was three he was so obsessed with the toilet plunger they had to buy him his own so he'd stop grabbing the used one. It was his best friend. ... 6.2k

RoadFlowerVIP . 3y My daughter had her door locked which is odd... I gave her some privacy for a while but then I got worried so I made her open the door and she was watching a political debate. She was 13. (Edit: this was dial up days so probably not porn lol) ... 1.8k

rebekahah . 3y My mom caught me bringing eggs from the kitchen into my room and sitting on them in a blanket nest, hoping they'd hatch. What she didn't catch was that I had been doing this for a while and would put the eggs back into the fridge when they wouldn't hatch after a few days. ... 6k

StuShepherd . 3y Packing peas from our garden up her nose. This required a trip to the local hospital emergency room, where the doctor (a dad of several young children himself) thought it was hilariously funny. Soon my wife and I were laughing as well. ... 3.2k

dirtygreysocks . . Зу 1. coating himself and the entire bathroom, in an entire, brand new, industrial sized garlic powder from costco. 2. having a snow day with his friends.. after unzipping the giant beanbag chair. ... 1.1k

darkpixie1. 3y When my son was about 3 years old, he liked to wash his eyebrows with my facial cleanser. Just the eyebrows. Wet, lather, rinse, repeat. Не said it made them nice and soft. ... 8.8k

jaymasters1123 . 3y My brother decided he wanted a pee hat, which is literally what it sounds like, a hat he could pee in during the night. While already a stupid idea (since he didn't empty it), he chose a plastic hat with hole in it.

DobbylsMyHero . . 3y Few years ago the cinnamon challenge was a thing. Walked in the door to my son with his head under the kitchen faucet gulping and spitting water. Не accidentally grabbed the cumin instead of the cinnamon. ... 992

MotorizedDoucheCanoe . . 3y Caught my 2 year old son licking the floor. Не seemed really into it. ... 10.2k

 . Зу When my son was about 4 he was playing in his playroom. I was on the couch and heard some sounds behind me (it was just us). So I turn and see my son looking up at the light fixtures and whispering. I ask what hes doing. His response: I'm asking all the lightbulbs in the house to not fall and kill you. Thanks son! He's truly got my back. ... 3.1k

cranialdrain . Зу I'm not a parent but my niece was very upset that her older sister wouldn't turn the TV over when I was babysitting once. After about 10 minutes she pretended to be interested in the washing machine that was on at the time and sat in front of it and watched it like a TV. For an hour and twenty minutes..... Her older sister watched the rest of her film but obviously wasn't enjoying it. She was outraged that her little sister was having a great time watching wet clothes spin round and round. It's the most

quiveringmass. 3y packing turds into cardboard tubes with toilet paper and hiding em under the sink. she called them poop bombs. there was like 10 of em under there. ... 13.8k

passivelyrepressed Зу Hanging out by the pool, our son (7 at the time) had a shit-eating grin on his face and he's giggling with his arms up on the side of the pool. Kids are weird so we didn't even think twice. Finally after like 10 minutes of us just chatting with him in this position he excitedly announces hey dad! If you stand here and lean against this jet it feels REAL good! Come try! I spit my drink everywhere, stood up, and walked off so I didn't die fucking laughing in front of him. I totally abandoned my

 . 3y My boys share a room. They were about 2 and 7 at the time and I walked in their room and found them rocking on their hands and knees singing we aaaaaaareeeee the weeeeeeeeeeeiner doooogs. I have no fucking idea. ... 2.5k

InadmissibleHug . 3y I found my son and his cousin absolutely coated in calamine lotion. They'd obviously found it, being 4 and 6 years old, they decided to do a bit of finger painting with it. I get that, but I don't entirely understand why his pants were off.

Gtrinker . 3y Let's see, my daughter was drinking strawberry milk and then spitting it back into the cup so she could drink it again. I had hosed off a tarp and it was drying on the patio, we went outside and she just stooped down and took a drink out of a puddle on the tarp. just today I was in the garage and she came out, instantly grabbed a toothbrush I use to clean car parts and stuck it in her mouth. I don't even know anymore. ... 8.2k

RigobertaMenchu . Зу I saw my kid, who was 4, in the back yard looking for bugs or worms. Не grab something and put it in his mouth. I asked him about a few minutes later. Не said he ate a worm. I laughed and asked why. Не said he wanted to know what it tasted like. So I asked what did it taste like. Не said it tasted like mud. The next day I asked him if he really ate a worm. Не replied Yea in the most defeated and embaressed way any human could. Ya live, ya learn

Coughingandhacking. . Зу Caught my 5yo son smushing his privates between the toilet lid and seat. Also have a 3yo son that needs an audience while he uses the bathroom and he'll often start laughing bc he has no penis bc he's pressing on it to try making it an inny. Kids are weird ... 706

taikalainen . 3y Found my kid talking to the hole in the sink when he was 2. Turns out that's where he said god lives. Carry on, ya weirdo. Ex's eldest hoarded cardboard tubes. If asked they were simply for later. The youngest adopted and formed a strong emotional bond with a garlic for about a week. ... 2.9k

FerusDomina - Зу My oldest son was about 3 or so and was using one of those play kitchens. Не had a little pot on the stove eye and, since I wanted to be an Engaged Mother, I asked him what he was doing. I'm cooking baby Jesus! Не had indeed taken the baby Jesus figure out of one of my mother in law's Nativity scenes, and had put him in the pot to cook. ... 937

ssfRAlb Зу When my son was about 5, he was playing in the living room while I was making lunch. Suddenly I hear him making some weird retching noises, so I ran over to see what was happening. Не was on his hands and knees, rocking back and forth, and suddenly one of the cat's toys - a little yarn ball - popped out of his mouth. I thought he'd been choking on it. No - he'd been imitating Puss 'N Boots coughing up a hairball from his favorite Shrek movie. ... 99

atrus99 Зу 3 year old daughter would dig through the garden or under backyard objects to find pillbugs/woodlice and then bring them to us when they rolled into a ball. My wife and I would feign interest and tell her that they would stop rolling up into a ball once she left them alone. A while back, my wife had given her a small, unused makeup bag. One summer night, I caught her whispering into the makeup bag right before bedtime. I asked her who she was talking to. She said she was talking to all the beetles that didn't

skiesup_piesup . 3y My oldest when he was 3 1/2 walks out of his room with a big rolled ball. I thought nothing of it as they (lil bro 2) had a little play dough station and were playing nicely while I was cooking. Не proudly holds it up and tells me look at my ball! Awesome! Then announced loudly, it's a poop ball! ... cue the slight horrified look and immediate washing, scrubbing and locating of anything played with. ... 175

AngelFox1 3y When my son was 3 years old, we noticed the smell of burnt plastic coming from our heater vents. I called one of our friends that worked in heating and cooling and he came over. Our furnace was in our crawl space so he went down. About 15 minutes later, he asked me to hand him 3 black garbage bags through one of the vents so I did so. Не came up later with 3 bags of plastic toys. I had wondered where all my sons toys were going. I asked my son why he was putting toys

MissMetalSix 3y I was the child. I was in my backyard and noticed there were a lot of slugs around since it had been raining. I was concerned that they had nowhere to go and they would be stuck outside where they would drown in the rain. So I went to the garage and got a bin and went around collecting every slug I could find. Then I got the idea to make it into a miniature city. I put in water, moss sticks, etc. and it became a project of mine that I maintained for weeks. Well one day

PotterQuoter 3y Toddler was making soup in a kitchen pot. Comes up to me and says, Taste, mama! It's pea soup! And I take a pretend spoonful and say yum, tastes good! And then she goes oh I have to make more! And puts the pot on the floor and squats over it and pretends to pee in it while making a psssshhh sound. Pee. It was pee soup. ... 796
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