20 Groucho Marx Lines That Deserve a Cigar

‘I must confess, I was born at a very early age’
20 Groucho Marx Lines That Deserve a Cigar
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You don’t get a comedy prop named after you without being an all-time funnyman, which Groucho Marx undeniably was. Unlike many other classic comedy icons, whose material and maybe general views on society haven’t aged particularly well, Groucho’s still got some undeniable heaters. In fact, I’d recommend plenty of modern comics do a little look back in order to learn something about word economy. 

Here are some of his most iconic lines, so you can judge for yourself…

CRACKED I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED There's one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he's a crook. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED I have had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED Why should I care about posterity? What has posterity ever done for me? -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED I'm not crazy about reality, but it's the only place to get a decent meal. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED I must confess, I was born at a very early age. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED I intend to live forever, or die trying. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. -GROUCHO MARX
CRACKED I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception. -GROUCHO MARX

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