30 Classic Dad Jokes to Read in the ‘Good’ Chair

‘My doctor told me I was going deaf. It was hard news to hear’
30 Classic Dad Jokes to Read in the ‘Good’ Chair
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A calm, soothing wave of perfect disappointment. That’s what I promise you from the following collection of dad jokes. I’ve carefully collected them from very patient waiters the world over, fresh from real-life dads. Now, they’re here for you to, well, “enjoy” might be a strong word. Maybe “begrudgingly appreciate.”

CRACKED What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account? Prime mates.
CRACKED I went to a beautiful wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.
CRACKED What kind of birds always stick together? Vel-crows.
CRACKED How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it.
CRACKED No wonder this coffee tastes like dirt. It was recently ground.
CRACKED How did the leopard lose at hide-and-seek? Не was spotted.
CRACKED Where do they make things that are just ok? At the satis-factory.
CRACKED I'm not worried about a skeleton attacking me. They don't have the guts.
CRACKED What did the sushi say to the bumblebee? Wasabi?
CRACKED What do you call a tomb full of golden coins? A crypt o' currency.
CRACKED Pirates can never list the whole alphabet. They're always out at с.
CRACKED Did you hear about the AI lifeguard? It was a screen saver.
CRACKED Why is there always coffee at police stations? It keeps getting mugged.
CRACKED I can't believe someone stole my limbo stick. I mean, how low can you get?
CRACKED What lives at the bottom of the ocean and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.
CRACKED What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.
CRACKED I asked a librarian for a book on paranoia. They said, they're right behind you.
CRACKED I don't like Orion's Belt. It's a huge waist of space.
CRACKED The other day, I stepped on a grape. It let out a little whine.
CRACKED What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.
CRACKED Where do pirates buy their hooks? Second-hand stores.
CRACKED What happens if you plug a beehive's exit? It's unbelievable.
CRACKED I don't know why we call them French Fries. After all, they're cooked in Greece.
CRACKED Have you heard of those new corduroy pillow? They're making headlines.
CRACKED I saw a pig that lost its voice yesterday. It was completely disgruntled.
CRACKED I'm supposed to replace a lightbulb today. I'll probably screw it up.
CRACKED I got arrested for stealing an encyclopedia. I told them I could explain everything.
CRACKED I made six figures last year. That's probably why I got fired from the toy factory.
CRACKED My doctor told me I was going deaf. It was hard news to hear.
CRACKED I want to be cremated when I die. Finally, I'll have a smokin' hot body.

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