30 Lawyer Jokes We’d Like Read Into the Record

‘What do you call an honest man at a lawyer convention?’
30 Lawyer Jokes We’d Like Read Into the Record
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The world is such a hive of villainy at the moment that there’s no shortage of evil people to poke fun at. Back in the day, though, if you wanted to goof on someone for a lack of morals? The go-to punching bag was a lawyer, which was a pretty easy target since their punching bag was usually safely above, so to say. 

Just because they’re currently out of the crosshairs doesn’t mean we have to lose generations of classic jokes, however. Here’s a collection of lawyer jokes to tell your bar-admitted friends, if they hadn’t heard them all before…

CRACKED What's the difference between a lawyer and a bull? The lawyer charges more.
CRACKED What's the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
CRACKED What do you call an honest man at a lawyer convention? The caterer.
CRACKED What's the difference between a porcupine and a law office? On a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
CRACKED Why don't sharks ever attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
CRACKED Lawyers will wish you happy birthday, But remind you they can in no way guarantee it.
CRACKED What do you call a smiling attorney? A warning.
CRACKED Why do lawyers lie so often? It's a defense mechanism.
CRACKED What's the difference between an attorney and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flier miles.
CRACKED How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? The other lawyers look interested.
CRACKED A man asks a lawyer, if I give you $400, will you answer two questions? The lawyers says, Absolutely! What's the second question?
CRACKED Do you know how copper wire was invented? Two lawyers fighting over a penny.
CRACKED How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture? Say, Fees!
CRACKED Where do vampires learn to suck blood? Law school.
CRACKED There are two kinds of lawyers: The ones who know the law, and the ones who know the judge.
CRACKED I saw a headstone that said, here lies a lawyer and an honest man. I wonder why they got buried together.
CRACKED What do you get when you cross the Godfather and a lawyer? An offer you can't understand.
CRACKED A lawyer died yesterday at the age of 75. Or 112, if you go by their timesheets.
CRACKED What's the difference between a lawyer and a pit bull? The watch.
CRACKED How does an attorney sleep at night? They lie still.
CRACKED A lawyer wakes up with his bedroom on fire. Oh god, he says, I died.
CRACKED A lawyer calls his senior partner and says, Justice prevailed. The senior partner replied, Appeal immediately.
CRACKED What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The vulture doesn't take off its wingtips at night.
CRACKED If a lawyer talks in a forest and no one's around to hear him, Can he still bill for it?
CRACKED What's the difference between a lawyer and a speed bump? People hit the brakes when they see a speed bump in the road.
CRACKED A man took his sick snake to the vet. The vet said, I'm calling a lawyer. The man said, why a lawyer? The vet said, I need someone who speaks his language.
CRACKED How do you fit a lawyer into a shoebox? Give them an enema.
CRACKED What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad one? With a bad lawyer, a case can drag out for several months. A good lawyer can make it last years.
CRACKED How do you break a lawyer's nose? Tell the ambulance driver to hit the brakes.
CRACKED What's the difference between a lawyer and a pair of headlights? The headlights are in front of the ambulance.

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