30 Classic One-Liners That Minimize the Need for Punctuation

‘I met my doppelganger yesterday, and I was beside myself’
30 Classic One-Liners That Minimize the Need for Punctuation
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It doesn’t get much better than a one-liner, and it sort of feels like they know it. As if they look down on other jokes that require long set-ups, punchlines or meandering bits of information. They’re in, they’re out, and they’re finished, much like me on my wedding night.

CRACKED An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
CRACKED Time may be a great healer but it's a lousy beautician.
CRACKED Together, I can beat schizophrenia.
CRACKED I don't like people who take drugs, for example airport security.
CRACKED Every day is D-Day if you have a stutter.
CRACKED Quarantine taught me you don't need fun to have alcohol.
CRACKED I can play piano by ear, but I'm much better with my hands.
CRACKED I entered the kleptomaniac world championship. I took gold, silver and bronze.
CRACKED My friend called me indecisive, but I don't know if I agree.
CRACKED Giving up your seat to a blind man is a great way to lose your job as a bus driver.
CRACKED Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
CRACKED My therapist says I shouldn't hold grudges, but I'll show him.
CRACKED Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you're forgetting.
CRACKED If a short psychic broke out of jail, there would be a small medium at large.
CRACKED If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
CRACKED I childproofed my house, but they keep getting in.
CRACKED Some people cause happiness wherever they go, and others, whenever they go.
CRACKED It's not the fall that kills you, it's all that stuff at the bottom.
CRACKED I threw a boomerang once, years ago, and now I live in constant fear.
CRACKED A computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
CRACKED You can fight fire with fire, but the fire department recommends water.
CRACKED When Canada takes over the world, we'll all be sorry.
CRACKED I dated a tennis player, but love meant nothing to him.
CRACKED If your parachute doesn't deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
CRACKED My grandfather was on the Titanic and as far as I know, he still is.
CRACKED The hardest instrument to pick up? Probably a grand piano.
CRACKED I met my doppelganger yesterday, and I was beside myself.
CRACKED I got rid of my vacuum cleaner because it was just gathering dust.
CRACKED Be careful around birthdays, too many will kill you.
CRACKED Making mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

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