30 ‘Walks Into A Bar’ Jokes to Take the Edge Off

‘A dyslexic walks into a bra…’
30 ‘Walks Into A Bar’ Jokes to Take the Edge Off
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In comedy, it’s often trumpeted that you should be able to say and do whatever you want. As it turns out, this is largely exhausting. Sometimes, you just want a nice, old-fashioned set-up and punchline. 

To that end, it doesn’t get any more old-fashioned (no pun intended) than a “walks into a bar” joke. Here are a few to make you realize why some classics earned their place as progenitors…

CRACKED Bear walks into a bar and says, hmmmmmmmm... ...I'll have a beer. Bartender says, sure, but why the big paws?
CRACKED A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. Bartender says, what is this, some kind of joke?
CRACKED A dyslexic walks into a bra.
CRACKED A jumper cable walks into a bar. Bartender says, I'll serve you, but don't start anything.
CRACKED A lightbulb walks into a bar. Bartender says, I'll serve you, just don't get any ideas.
CRACKED A skeleton walks into a bar. Не orders a beer and a mop.
CRACKED An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks, Do I come here often?
CRACKED A russian mule walks into a bar. Bartender says, hey, we have a drink named after you! Mule says, you have drink named Yvgeny?
CRACKED A cat walks into a bar and orders a drink. Не slowly pushes it onto the floor and shouts, ANOTHER!
CRACKED A tennis ball walks into a bar. Need anything? asks the bartender. No thanks, says the tennis ball, I've already been served.
CRACKED Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
CRACKED A frenchman with a parrot walks into a bar. Whoa, where'd you get that little guy?, asks the bartender. France! says the parrot. They've got millions of them!

A Dung Beetle Walks Into A Bar...

CRACKED A dung beetle walks into a bar. Не asks, Is this stool taken?
CRACKED Two termites walk into a bar. They ask, Is the bar tender here?
CRACKED A weasel walks into a bar. Bartender asks, What can I get you? Pop, goes the weasel.
CRACKED A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. Five beers, please.
CRACKED A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. Bartender says, For you? No charge!
CRACKED Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. Bartender asks him, Olive or twist?
CRACKED A snake walks into a bar and orders a vodka. Bartender says I can't serve you. You can't hold your liquor.
CRACKED A fish walks into a bar. Bartender says, How the fuck did you do that?
CRACKED A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, Hey! The horse replies, Sure, if you've got any.
CRACKED Monkey walks into a bar, drinks a glass of red wine, leaves. That was weird, a customer remarks. I know, right? says the bartender. Не usually orders white wine.
CRACKED Two whales sitting at a bar. One whale says, AOOUOUOOUUAUU. The other whale replies, Go home, Steve. You're drunk.
CRACKED A pony walks into a bar, and whispers, one beer please. Bartender asks, sure, but why are you whispering? Says the pony: I'm a little hoarse.
CRACKED A man walks into a bar. Не loses the limbo contest.
CRACKED A three legged dog walks into a saloon. How can I help you, asks the barkeep. Says the dog, I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my paw.
CRACKED Gorilla walks into a bar and orders a beer. $7.50, says the bartender, and adds, you know, we don't get many gorillas in here. Says the gorilla, Well, at $7.50 a beer, I can understand why.
CRACKED Quasimodo walks into a bar, asks for an IPA. Bell's alright? asks the bartender. Quasimodo replies, None of your fucking business.
CRACKED A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The rabbit says, I think I might be a typo.
CRACKED A North Korean walks into a bar. How's it going? asks the bartender. The North Korean replies, Can't complain.

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