18 Dumb Schemes People Almost Got Away With

‘He tried to rob a bank with a butter knife’
18 Dumb Schemes People Almost Got Away With

Not everyone has the savvy or commitment required to live a life of crime. You don’t necessarily have to be a genius to pull off a criminal scheme, but you should at least remember to check the gas gauge before stealing a car

Some wannabe criminals had to learn this the hard way. Case in point: One Redditor’s brother got caught stealing 20 cases of beer from a convenience store. He probably should’ve started off by stealing a six-pack and graduating to larger quantities after repeated success, but he aimed high from the beginning. Unfortunately, his scheme had a critical flaw: He was stealing the beer on foot. While ducking in and out of the convenience store and hiding cases in the bushes, one of the workers called the police, and he was caught beer-handed. 

Other Redditors have shared the dumb schemes that people almost got away with, including a whole lot of failed bank robberies.

stalphonzo 5y ago Not a cop, but | saw a guy with his hands against the wall getting arrested with 14 cops around him ... at the Dunkin Donuts. Fill it in as needed, but I think don't hold up a donut shop is good advice. - 73 ...
 5y ago Not an officer but my brother got arrested for stealing 20 cases of beer from a convenience store on foot. On foot. Не. Was. Walking. | didn't ask because any explanation would have just made it worse. - 166 ...
ghostinyourpants 5y ago Not a cop, but a guy I know tried to steal a fucking combine. Like, a 500k GIANT piece of farming equipment, that drives at top speeds of 20mph. Не got it out of the field he stole it from, parked it in his own field, and piled hay bales around it. And I think that's as far as his thinking got, because, what the actual fuck? But he got caught when a crop duster noticed it, when flying overhead. Не got arrested, go figure. On a different note, said crop duster ALSO got hugely fined a
 4y ago I have a distant uncle who got drunk, took a cab to a Walmart with a sawed-off in his pants, told the cabbie hold on I'll be right back walked in, fired off a shot and robbed the place and expected the cab to still be there when he got back outside 2 Share ...
darthbauerdragonzord 5y ago Security Guard, was not on duty at the time. On the weekends we have only 2 officers on duty in this particular area. 1 dispatch 1 patrol. Sometime during the afternoon we get a call from sheriffs dispatch asking if we are missing a Kubota 4 Wheeler. The dispatcher gets the vehicle number and realizes that yes the Kubota is ours. Someone during the early morning had managed to start the vehicle and steal it. It ran out of gas about 2 miles away near a cemetery. The guy abandons it after putting a for sale sign
rationaljester f 4y ago | got a cousin that robbed a bank with a butter knife than tried to snorkel down the river with the money to escape. Yea he is known as the dumb cousin. Did like 12 years in prison. 1 Share ...
 4y ago My dad was an alcoholic and the worst con man I the world. Used to go to the bar, sell stuff he didn't have, then give people our real address. A real mastermind.. So many stories. 2 Share ...
dingus_child 4y ago More of a funny story, but when my uncle was in college, Wendy's was doing a giveaway for plane tickets. It had something to do with cups; either the tickets themselves were on the cups, or if you saved a specific amount of Wendy's cups, you would get a ticket. One evening, my uncle and a bunch of his friends decided to go dumpster- diving for these cups. The lady who was closing up shop at the end of the night saw them, got scared, and called the police. All of his friends ran off, but my
MrMustache61 . 5y ago My father was a Chief of Police of a suburb of St Louis. Two guys walked out of a Sears with a 16 foot canoe, and casually tied it to a vehicle,but got caught when they went back in for paddles. 88 ...
 . 5y ago This guy weighed a PS4 as a banana, then knocked out a security guard and started a brawl. I'm not a policeman however, I was just a witness. 105 ...
 5y ago Full disclosure: I'm not a policeman; I am a medic. We responded to a call for man down. On arrival, we found a guy sitting up with his legs crossed. The policemen were saying that he needs to go cuz he is not acting right. I come in contact with him and start asking basic questions. Then I notice his pupils the size of blazer buttons and realize that he is just high as a kite. Upon further questioning I discovered that the guy (now my patient) was seen crawling in the parking lot trying to get
friendlysarlacc 5y ago Not a cop, but a friend told me a story where a guy visited an inmate in a jail below the police department lobby. Не had to identify himself with photo ID and sign in while in a room with very obvious cameras all over. After the visit, he walks up to the front counter and steals a tablet that had been left there by somebody using the public restroom. Не was found a short time later and arrested. 21 ...
SailorVenus23 4y ago A guy in my town walked up the bank drive thru to the teller window, and put a note in the box saying it was a robbery. Не had no weapons, no means of escape, and no disguise; the teller laughed and told him over the microphone that the police were on the way. 6 ...
ItsHeadly 5y ago Edited 5y ago Victim here. I was driving home one day, and decided to duck into a repair shop that was fixing my tractor. This repair shop is less than a mile from my house. I saw a power washer for sale, and told the owner those are great, I love mine. That one has a flat tire like mine, and the exhaust burn is the same shape as.....oh shit. The owner said to go home and check my yard because he had just bought it an hour ago. I call the cops, go home, and figure
phoenixricky 5y ago Straight up confession; when I was 13 we lived on the Fort Ord Army base in the Monterey Bay, our house was next to a golf course and us kids enjoyed taking the golf carts for joy rides but we could only get the ones that had drained the batteries. If they sat for a few hours a small charge would be left. It was great fun but never lasted very long. So me and my BFF decided to steal one that was in use. We waited til a couple of carts and four men showed up
stay-here 5y ago It was Xmas time (no snow though). Friend was a deputy and saw that a pine tree had been pulled out by its roots out of the ground in a park. Не followed the trail of dirt and crushed grass right to a house where a guy was trying to put the tree into a stand in his house. 78 ...
Catlenfell 5y ago My friend (roommate at the time) and I were living across the street from a party house, noisy, drugs, lots of people in an out. One morning he wakes me up and asks if | saw his truck. It was missing from our driveway. In that house was a mom and daughter. The daughter's boyfriend decided to steal the truck and go for a ride. Не didn't check the gas gauge. That truck got less than 10 miles before dying. - 148 ...
 5y ago My loser brother stole a boat the night before my college graduation. It died in the middle of the ocean and he was stuck. The police came and he was arrested. Ballsy, I suppose. Mostly stupid. 108 ...

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