36 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, December 2, 2024

Does His Majesty also expect clean towels?
36 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, December 2, 2024

Movies are so back. Over 30 million people filled theater seats over the weekend, driving $422 million in ticket sales and giving Hollywood its biggest Thanksgiving box office numbers to date. Disney’s Moana 2 easily sailed to the number one spot with a $225 million opening weekend. Globally, the film grossed an additional $164 million, which makes it the biggest opening ever for an animated film—a record that should be a nice Christmas gift for Dwayne Johnson after Red One’s catastrophic flop. Universal’s pair of witches sang the Wicked adaptation all the way to $117 million, and though we didn’t need a follow-up to Gladiator, Ridley Scott’s sequel gave Denzel Washington some of his best material to date, and rounded out the top three with $44 million.

 

In television news, we learned that Modern Family almost looked a little different. During a recent episode of Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s podcast Dinner’s on Me, Judy Greer revealed that she was asked to audition for the role of Claire Dunphy. Greer turned down the opportunity, saying that she wasn’t at the point in her career to be “America’s mom.” The White House Plumbers star went on to describe the sitcom archetype as “limiting” in comparison to the roles she was seeking out, and that once you play a mom, “It’s just like, you’re a mom. That’s it.” The role famously went to Julie Bowen who, to Greer’s point, is mostly known for her turn as the Dunphy matriarch. 

 

Though we hate to leave the long weekend behind, we’ve got some hearty laughs ahead of us. Today’s funniest tweets include Oppenheimer’s monster, the look of a dead mountain climber, and a tchotchke that’s worth the price. 

Carmely Sandiego @orangecrushable - 14h I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop. 41 6.4K 66K 1.1M
Danny @SMOOCHONTHELIPS 1d As a man you should be able to find a link to stream any movie or tv show in under 2 minutes 28 1K 9.2K 208K
Lily @Ikol_Tweets - 19h ... Saturday Wanna fuck 6:00 PM Today Is you're job hiring 10:15 AM 16 172 2.7K 48K
one dozen rats in a pear tree @PanasonicDX45... 15h ... PRIME @JoeBiden I've always thought of you like a father and also | 3 have $943 of unpaid parking tickets. 14 447 8.9K 162K
tatti the tyrant @champagnetatti i 16h happy to report that's OVER! tatti the tyrant @champagnetatti 11/1/24 my brother really got a white wife.... GIF 322 1.2K 27K 1M
cee @lovesickangel.20h babe why is the girl who only follows 90 people and has 6000 followers following you........... 530 4.7K 111K 4.9M
clem @daughterclem. 16h I FINALLY FOUND IT @Truman_Black-1 15s matty What's the coolest mathematical fact you know of? 1 Timothée Chalamet @Re... 15s x% of y y = y% of X y(x/100)=x(y/100) So, in order to calculate a percentage in your head you might want to turn it around. What's 2% of 50? It's 50% of 2. 1 @Truman_Black 15s matty I'm going to masturbate to this 1 13 791 25K 420K
C. @cstsher 1d why does this picture kinda look like Joni Mitchell is going on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Joni Mitchell @jonimitchell. 1d A smile and style that never fade Joni at the Hotel Bel-Air on November 30, 1996, captured by Ken Hively. 9 349 426K 13K
Sian Hewitt @Sian_Hewitt89.20h I'm probably really late to this.... But have they all put each other's coats on by accident? N FOR 1 DOWN PSI 610 3.2K 58K 1.6M
xandi @goblindogcore 1d mom stop worrying about what its supposed to be.. 21 81 41K 1.6K
Chris Deeley @ThatChris1209 1d Ice Skating Dog - so NICE Vintage not cheap but will add something to your life M and S N handkerchie deal for O resent at astmas 72.00 Ice Skating erves Dog so NICE Pixie Vintage not cheap ellow but will add something to your life £10.00 19 694 10K 256K
Dave Danna @DaveEDanna 17h My dad said 'post this heat vent online it's a cool vent they'll want to see it' 3.3K 2.5K 87K 1.4M
jon bonchovy @jonbonchoyv 15h ... me playing rdr2 after 11 miller lites Enjoy Thank Enjoy you 447 7.4K 156K 15
brandon* @brndxix 17h the ravens to justin tucker after this game 58 939 12K 559K
Lysander, 9 CHA Bard @9chabard . 13h ... one weird thing about being a guy is you never really have any idea what's normal for guys to do during sex cause no one tells you what other guys are doing. for instance i had no idea i was supposed to have a bra-unhooking catchphrase until yesterday 160 951 28K 735K
mnateshyamalan dot bsky do... 16h ... $100/night hotel: hi. we have you for 3 nights. checkouts whenever. enjoy the 24 hour gym & pool that smell like chlorine & feet, respectively. unlimited breakfast- eat costco sausages til you die we dont care $275/night hotel: OH, his royal highness expects FREE WIFI, does he? 90 1,993 53.7K del 1M
Mia Spooky Jazz fan Lastname @themiasandrist. 1 1d ... Can someone please get me the Marge Simpson Fancy Pink Outfit dress from Walmart??????? Everyday В Low Price 5 S $ 1848 Lov Prige $1848 56 409 8.4K 296K
slanta @slandrroid 17h ... ANOTHER PARTRIDGE M MICROBES H 98 JELLYFISH 6 CG KRUSTY KRAB go 20 3 5 7 CLUB TO THE PEAR TREE 15 4.8K 50K 908K
Sesame Chiccen @Loccdawggg 1d I need the club name cause that's precisely what I want the club to look like Jhonny ** @JhonnyWhite69. dd never partying in Texas ever again 46 116K 8.4K 2.6M
Brandon Davis @BrandonDavisBD. 2d Saw a guy who had no chance anyway fall to his knees in Target PHASE Phase Hero @PhaseHero 2d HERO Kate Bishop actress Hailee Steinfeld has announced her engagement to Bills QB Josh Allen! 193 1.6K 61K 3.3M
Gavin @PrimaryCinema 2d The theatrical experience has gained a powerful ally. legotrillermoth @legotrillermoth. 2d movies are back cc ل em TikTok amo AP @ a.j.befumo was дент was amo am KB2 1:02 688 18K 571K 14
Ron Hog Cranker @WelfareWarrior2 . 1d Matthew McConaughey on the sideline for every big Texas game 11 1.1K 36K 873K
Kma @KmaFr_. 3d No blue check, just tweeting about incest on thanksgiving for free BayernMaoism @MaoismBayern - 3d My fine ass cousin asked me to go upstairs with her DASANI GIF ALT 215 14K 346K 6.2M
squeaky fromme the block @averpee 1d Не looks like he would die in a movie about climbing Mount Everest b @pauliebleek3r.1d no he's literally so sexyyyyy what the hell is wrong with you people - paiss JACOB ELORDI 337 7K 213K 4.9M
@unclehunky 1d BUNGO BAGGINS????!?!?! bilbos dad All Videos Shopping Web News Images Did you mean: bilbo's dad Bilbo Baggins> > Father Bungo Baggins 4.2K 21 179 108K
grandfäg @yeaheyesuppose 17h ... regret joining this class so bad.. A A в C D E F G H 1 2 3 4 5 9 7 O 7. 3 9 / L 8 5 4 5 y 10 A В C CDEFGH ( D E F G 1.5K 25K 351K 6.9M
cassidy XCX @olsencassidy . 1 1d Conclave COM 1/3 PLEX  I'M PUTTING THIS DRESS ON, THESE RINGS, AND I'M GOING CRAZY. -DENZEL WASHINGTON ON 'GLADIATORII 1.1K 29K 18 600K
Meg @megannn_lynne 1d december is going to be beautiful & nothing will hurt Captain ator 13 4.8K 28K 513K
Spectra @Spectrathegame 1d the coca cola corporation about to take up the american pasttime of killing memebers of the kennedy family lan Jaeger @IanJaeger29. 1d RFK Jr. says he wants Coca-Cola to remove high- fructose corn syrup and bring back cane sugar if he becomes HHS Secretary. This is an incredibly good idea. 0.330 Coca-Cola ORIGINAL TASTE Delicious Refreshing 134 4.5K 87K 2.2M
Michael Cook @MichaelCookFilm . 22h There is a direct line between J Robert Oppenheimer and this images existence Kaiju No. 14 @14_kaiju - 1d EMOTE TAKE THE L Savor the W. Introduced in Season 3. This item is usable in: Fortnite Festival Battle Royale 96 6.9K 102K del 2.9M
Tony نعيم @StrengthBuild - dd ... I don't want my mom to get old BET CAESARS. 1XBET Betika! SPORTSBOOK .com В RIVERS CASINO BOVADA betway Hard Rock BET Fanatics OVER 20the Sportsbook 12 PUSSY for ASSII FANDUEL bet365 D Stake Polymarket GAMBLE RESPONSIBLY #AD 18 1K 26K 376K
Molly Morrison @mollyhannahm 14h joe biden pardoning his son isn't enough. he needs to get him drafted by the lakers 31 819 11K 427K
adam @kingofthelocals.22h Lock it in December 1, 2024 at 1:26 PM 2025 Predictions -Chappell Roan accidental wardrobe malfunction at the Grammys -Trump dies but comes back to life -Ariana Grande queerbating arc -Snapbacks make ironic resurgence -New Rihanna song and it's bad -Hawk Tuah girl joins The View -Kelce brothers tax fraud scandal -Rare slime captivates nation -Minecraft movie-related serial killer -Bethenny Frankel political campaign 460 7.7K 175K 3.7M
meggy @dogmatic_shorty- 1d ... Such a special baby Imagine giving birth to Stewie Griffin 11 507 4.6K 120K
313 @313formation 2d ... today my wife asked me how is everyone a project manager? what are they managing? who's actually doing the work? 824 5K 138K 6.4M
hrpr @C_hoffmanni. dd For all of the non-Americans out there: this region is basically our Balkans. FOX FOX College Football FOX SPORT @CFBONFOX.- 1d CFB A fight has broken out between Michigan and Ohio State after The Game FOX BIG NOON SATURDAY 68 12 - 0:18 143 3.4K 88K 4.5M

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