64 of the Funniest Tweets from the Month of September 2024

There’s no bill if I do it myself, right?
64 of the Funniest Tweets from the Month of September 2024

Summer has officially come to an end, and the smell of pumpkin spice has begun to waft through the air, giving us time to pause and reflect on the flurry of news we gawked at last month. 

Of course, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice finally made its way to the big screen, almost exactly 35 years after the Beetlejuice cartoon debuted on the small screen. Ted Danson went on Smartless and admitted that it was sometimes difficult to be in the same room as Shelley Long, while Trey Parker and Matt Stone had some admissions of their own — namely, that they’ve run out of ways to make fun of Donald Trump. In the spirit of dishonesty, Ellen DeGeneres’ new Netflix special omitted the real reason she’s allegedly retiring. Don’t worry, she got roasted for it.  

All the while, the timeline produced one hilarious tweet after another. Some of the funniest from September included those about an emoji artist, a way to greet grandma and someone who definitely got fired.

Apocaloptimist @Apocaloptimi... 1d ... IQ is an accurate predictor of intelligence in that if you meet someone whose worldview is centered around it, you know immediately they're one of the dumbest motherfuckers out there. Boccaccio @Bocc_accio.2d The higher your IQ, the more rights you should have. 500 14.5K 204K 5M
nopeify @nopeify 18h Worst Headline you'll read today and there's like 10 wars happening Dexerto @Dexerto.1 19h The Hawk Tuah Girl is launching her own podcast under Jake Paul's media company PA levelan! 285 8,982 204K 7.4M
Grosdoriane @Grosdoriane 18h another one for the list Things that are only in NYC Corner stores Bacon egg and cheese breakfast sandwiches Pizza Paying attention to things Samuel F. Reynolds @Unlo... 1d If you're not from NYC or lived there, you might not understand this. One thing I loved about living in NYC is how it forced me to pay attention to... 123 2,354 41.4K del 1.4M
stoned cold fox @roastmalone_.1d ... when I was a teller at the bank a guy asked me out after I had just refunded his nsf fee and I asked with what money and that was the first time my manager and I had a little chat about being more gracious in a customer service role 58 179 5,507 del 139K
@__ xrozzie 1d ... Every time I put money away for a rainy day it start raining that same night 161 7,610 34.7K 933K
ash @heythatsmeash.2 23h ... Asked a guy who had clearly just finished a run how long he's been into running and he was like an hour? And I was like no I mean in your life? And he was like my run was an hour long 343 1,491 98.4K 2.1M
eliza @elizamclamb.1 17h Crossed the street to give the 3 tween girls their space as they took up the entire sidewalk to jump around in a prayer circle repeating our moms WILL say yes to a sleepover TONIGHT! 54 2,659 77.4K 816K
Fate/hollow atoomfraxia @Tsu... 1d ... People always complain about the for you page but mine has me nailed For you Following emi @emi_f1sher.3h i need to chill with a 1950s style classic grey alien 1 5 41 865 25 1,665 23.5K 313K
Mal @nevermindbruhh - 1 1d ... apple photos will make an entire montage of the worst person you've ever met and add some jazz music on top of it, and then title it The Good Days 382 19.4K 137K 2.6M
Chantal @Chantalimm 18h i need to make my own emojs bc sometimes i feel things that cant be described.... here are some examples 297 13.1K 134K 1.7M
I Sunshine Jarboly @SunshineJar... 1d ... one time i asked my grandma what the secret was to making her famous ambrosia salad & she leaned in real close to me & whispered, you have to be furious with someone while you're making it. 12 111 1,496 35.6K
LBark @franzsherbert-23h funeral skipper @evryones... 2d Replacing I'm going to kill myself in my vocabulary with Oh dear 25 6,662 56K 1.6M
Kayla Ancrum @KaylaAncr... 11h ... I hate when I'm watching something comedic and every character in it has the exact same sense of humor. It's like the writers have never been a part of a funny friend group in their life. The true dynamic is Clown Triste, Sarcast, The Storyteller, Mean Quipper and local dunce. 20 211 2,776 65.5K
Political Science В.А. @Interne... 1h ... Why can't l go to the website of the company Toyota and order a car. Why must I go to the local Honest Jim's Horseshit Emporium and Haberdashery and waste 3 hours of my time 66 280 3,771 del 63K
THIS Ree @Moanerleaser 22h Tough thyme you're having! emj. @yagye0n 1d ex gf moved out and took all the herbs and spices. i will never financially recover from this 139 7,393 66.2K 1.8M
bobby @bobbylikesbeers.1 14h ... Coca-Cola saying what's up beast to my 93 year old grandma 10 522 12.9K 486K
ticox @chickentalk. 1d ... they should make a show abt this shit Candle #SKYbidis 2d Sos 89 6,812 124K 1.9M
@BocchiKinnie 21h ... WHY ARE YOU HERE SEAN 'DIDDY' COMBS @Bocchikinnie.2 21h Y'all will not believe who showed up in the documentary for my history class 73 2,401 53.5K 1.2M
caitlin @hello_caitlin 15h the only thing about the clown panic that's important to me is that it gave us this: raquel @r_alexaa is it actual clowns or people dressed up as one?? (i'm confused) Mr. Wesley @NoBeeetch Bitch what is an actual clown.. Robert Skvarla @RobertSk... 1d What's your goofiest low-stakes conspiracy theory? I believe the 2016 clown panic was a psyop to test how panics can be spread via social me... 89 2,827 55.8K 1.3M
@soidoona 1d i ino longer dislike mondays, i'm mature now, i dislike the whole week 230 48.8K 185K 3.7M
kay @agitslop_ 17h ... i'm gonna be honest with you. yeah vo @vanillaopinions 19h has any director in history had a run as good as this? The Visit 2015 2016 Split Glass 2019 Old 2021 2023 Knock at the Cabin 2024 Trap 215 938 55.9K 2.4M
Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred· 1d ... I've never used a semicolon with 100% confidence. 401 10.3K 72.1K 1.4M
mia ) @lightstakeme 1d he wants that cookie so effing bad fall version Make go-t even TRY DELI SEASONAL SEASONAL NEW SEASONAL NOSY SEASONAL SEASONAL TREA Raccoon Cake Pop Fox Sugar Cookie $3.25 $3.65 140 Cals SEASONAL 320 Cals SEASONAL POBETARIAN 71 6,484 100K 1.3M
Hugh Breeze @biggeebman 1d Johnny Manziel probably has some legendary memories on Snapchat 40 1,823 36K 1.2M
Satan @s8n . 2 23h The immortal crumb in my air fryer that just keeps getting cooked over and over 76 3,195 53.2K 1.2M
K @misskaren1981.1d When you forget your shoes for P.E CalvnKlein Colvin Klen 121 919 21.5K 998K
zan's mom @bimbocowgirl. 21h my little brother 1:50 64 120 CR Colin> Today 11:28 AM Do you still make random tweets sometimes? I've got a really good one The world would be a better place if we just let the autistic train people handle transportation 213 4,155 104K 1.7M
Dan Goldstein @dggoldst.5d ... Okay so this is wild. I'm using this ticket machine in Japan and it malfunctions and doesn't give me my change. Suddenly, a panel in the wall opens in the wall and a guy appears and tells me to hold on and then gives me my change. 1000 1000 AL LU 252 3,972 130K 2.2M
Ryland! @RYLANDDUNCAN 13h ... if I hadn't heard of spider-man I would just kill and kill and kill Mesh @MeshMushi 1d Genuine question.. Did spider-man effect any of you guys to become a better person? from 3 377 4,810 108K
Cardigan Stef Indy N3 ... 2d ... Someone stole the с and L off my work besties door, which I guess was probably pretty predictable in hindsight... YOU MAKE In this Happy of جدي CORE! THE WHOLE ASS Shimmer 591 10K 144K 7.8M
Taty @holligrove_. 1d Bro is fired. EXIT 200 WEST 64 295 60 Richmond Washington Mount NC LY 3,593 18.5K 233K 10.1M
@alvrgirl. 23h hearing get into groups! in a class where u dont know anyone 641 32.2K 345K 3.8M
HOURLY shitpost @..... 23h ... quieres First day to school and first day to school as a teacher. wasdzxc 5h You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain 14 1,441 28.5K a 217K
zolwis 3: @loopingjane 1d how it feels to not smoke or drink while being in college 1,820 11.9K 187K 4.7M
Jeremy Kaplowitz @jeremysmi... 21h ... correct: the Minecraft movie is for investors К Kotaku @Kotaku 1d Sorry, The Minecraft Movie Isn't Meant To Be For You dlvr.it/TCsJsj 54 2,166 41.4K 640K
Andrew @gmengalaxy 19h ... 10 $200 I'LL DO WHATEVER Play qb for the Giants 126 4,274 41.3K 1.8M
mary @theoceanblooms 4h Nobody wants to hear it but the actual funniest outcome is if these two have been having an affair. JLo Updates @lopez_upda... 17h Jennifer Lopez holds Matt Damon's hand as they have a serious conversation at Toronto Film Festival 44 616 20.3K 485K
DreamLeaf @Drea... 1d ... I like how this has just become the official lore THE MOLD MADE HER TRANSPHOBIC 26:12 Did Black Mold Really Make J. K. Rowling = Transphobic? Brigitte Empire e.27K views.7 days ago 220 5,263 89.9K 1M
sadiq @SadiqoJN. 6h I forgot to remove my durag before a Teams call and my colleague asked if I'm grieving. 272 3,231 31.1K 833K
MJ (Truly Humble Un... 2d : They got him in a hamster wheel to power the factory k @kurrrto . 2d just got off work Move 909/500CAL 1+ 61CAL 12:00 6:00 12:00 6:00 TOTAL 2,353 CAL Steps Distance 28,661 11.94MI 60 3,666 82.7K 2.2M
meredith @dietz_meredith 1d ... my dad said the word frogger and i cut him off to go i hardly know her and he sighed big and went just...stop. stop it. what would it mean to frog a woman 537 11.2K 204K del 4M
Katie @katieflintt. dd You can't shrink a pint. It's not a pint then is it BBC BBC Politics 000 NEWS NEWS POLITICS @BBCPo... 1d Study calls on government to shrink pints bbc.in/3XNopwJ 24 183 11.1K 423K
gregory house apologist 23h ... he's always doing anything but his job daily house md @dailyhous... 1d HOUSE M.D 47 4,397 62.1K 856K
Tiberius @ecomarxi· 17h ... EVERY THING Person who is chronically unfunny and KED famously stupid: Eve Barlow Follow @Eve_Barlow You can't match our humor or our intellect, I'm sorry. 213 1,448 17.8K 167K
Sarah York @thesarahyork.2 21h Probably a better way to combine the words portable and monitor w History Bookmarks Profiles Tab Window Help ryork@gr x a Amazon.com : dual monitor x + com/s?k=dual+monitor&i=todays-deals&crid=2PD3635672Z5H&sprefix=dual+monitor%2 S OP Tastest delivery Tomorrow, Sep 4 Add to cart Sponsored Laptop Screen Extender,15.6 Dual Monitor, USB с Travel Extended Co Options: 5 sizes PORNITOR 73 50+ bought in past month 15.6 $29999 Disp 15. 15.6 Save $50.00 Wins & Mac os with coupon HD Driver Required vprime - FREE delivery Mon, Sep و Or fastest delivery Tomorrow, Sep 4 Add to cart Sceptre 30-inch IPS Monitor 21:9 I in Speakers,
carter hambley @carterha... ...9/4/24 ... the er waiting room should have a corner with some tools where you can take a stab at it first 62 3,616 58.7K del 1.2M
Salena Koster @Salencita 1d ... We are getting ready for a wedding and my son told me he likes my dress because I look like the towels from the bathroom. Не got me. ALT 92 2,079 114K 1.1M
U. @uniqueblessed• 1d ... My youngest son is so hilarious dawg, whenever he gets hungry he sits in his favorite cabinet and points at the stove lol this is his way of telling me to cook OFF OFF 276 4,230 69.9K 1.9M
Lex @lexspicelatte.2 21h ... i would have been SOOOO good at being a peasant 79 3,792 69.1K 1.2M
Flex Frontline I TM @Mecha... 18h ... Ran into the username Ham Stroker's Ejacula and for a brief moment the world was captivatingly brilliant 30 3,025 26.3K 446K
Nick Pettigrew @Nick_Pettigr... 20h ... Не looks like a care assistant in a nursing home where they neglect the residents. DEFINITELY CITY 12/09/2024 GET NOTIFIED MANCHESTER CITY PUMA 93 237 4,662 245K
auto ALJ Dredd @UnionSaltBae 1d + - Me: what a nice weekend. I'm in such a a good mood. Time to fly home TSA agent: well if it isn't the dumbest and ugliest bitch in the world 29 2,228 48.2K del 1.1M
Rat Mic @sliccmic• 1d ... i actually cured my hypochondria by not having health insurance my brain was like we cant afford to have that disease actually..... 77 4,257 92K 1.8M
TylerCWhitmore @TylerC... 23h ... Robert Downey Jr. must be making a surprise cameo @Discu... 23h 4F DiscussingFilm 'KNIVES OUT 3' reportedly has a $210M budget. The first film only cost $40M (Source: theinsneider.com/p/ lanterns-jos...) Wake Hp Dead Man ٨ Knives Out Mystery 29 1,063 40.6K 936K
2000s @PopCulture2000s-21h ... yes Me as soon as the months cg start ending in BER 71 9,484 45.7K 870K
Marissa @michimama75 1d Saw the washing machine only had 6 minutes left so I decided to wait in the basement until it was done. That was 4 hours ago. 47 236 6.9K 108K
Scott Sweeney @SkipSeasoned 1d I agree. The next Alien movie should have Austin Powers in it | chancellor dalia I @etkralicesi 1d One thing I dislike about ALIENS is how Ripley was asleep for 57 years- a and she has zero problems adjusting to the new present. Austin Powers was in cryostasis only 30 years and he had a harder time adapting. 71 1.9K 32K 965K
the notorious A.L.B @albs_world . 17h ... Is she on peoples court? @sabrinathinker . dd sabrina carpenter, what a woman 48 1.8K 39K del 1.1M
worlds biggest planet of giants fan @NateluS... . 1d ... angry men tier list S A в с D 178 634K 2K 22K
Soggy Broccoli @soggybrocoli- 1d ... not now daddy, kitten is telling people to get divorced on r/AITA 3 1,015 8,003 del 170K
briana. @briasoboojie 1d Nicole Kidman works like she's on the verge of homelessness. FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpd... 1d The official trailer for 'THE PERFECT COUPLE' has been released. Starring Nicole Kidman, Liev Schreiber, Meghann Fahy, Eve Hewson, Dakota Fanning, Ishaan Khatter, Billy Howle and Jack Reynor. cc THE PERFECT COUPLE Am I under arrest, or can I go get something to eat? 135 2,091 34K 1.3M
Tom. @NotThatTomGreen 19h ... Imagine being such a piece of shit that the only bigger piece of shit you can think of in your profession literally murdered his family. FADE @FadeAwayMedia-20h If Chris Benoit can do the crap he did and the fans still love him - Hulk Hogan on wrestling fans forgiving past mistakes (IMPAULSIVE) cc 0:13 52 966 7,463 del 279K
ian karmel @IanKarmel 11h We have, for too long, shackled the bakery to the morning. Night bakeries. Fresh croissants at 11pm. It is possible. 77 1,203 12.2K 297K
Rica2x @lovveRica 1d ... Girl who is David ; @TANYZUS_.11 david and busters an elite dating location idc what yall say Imao 858 15.3K 167K del 6.6M

Tags:

Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?