61 of the Funniest Tweets from the Month of August 2024

Look at what he’s done
61 of the Funniest Tweets from the Month of August 2024

It’s the dog days of summer, and some news this month definitely had us wagging our tails. We learned that while Lisa Kudrow may be best known for being the ditzy friend singing “Smelly Cat,” she was immediately fired after scoring a substantial role on Frasier. We also watched as Disney’s first tango with Deadpool dominated the box office, effectively making the Marvel superhero bigger than Jesus — Eli Roth’s Borderlands never had a fighting chance. Then, Punkie Johnson revealed why she left Saturday Night Live, and Steve Martin explained why he refuses to portray Tim Walz on the show. All the while, an Australian Olympic breakdancer slid up and down Twitter timelines as the meme that kept on giving. 

But although the news was different every day, Twitter never, ever stopped being hilarious about the headline du jour. Here are some of the funniest tweets you might have missed this month, including those about communicating cats, why God is okay with abortions and a 12-second mourning period.

Ben Rosen @ben_rosen 18h ... yeah my wife says i'm demure. demure i talk demure she wants me to leave! 20 1,171 17.5K 474K
tina hand @tinacantdrive 1d i don't care for your tone Wolf of X @tradingMaxiSL.4d 2. Go ahead, find the curved line 7 1,240 54.2K 927K
Chairman Birb Bernanke 23h british people calling sprite and 7-up lemonade and referring to what americans call lemonade as cloudy lemonade is underdiscussed as a reason to hate the english 665 4,711 71.2K 3.1M
samson @testochunky•1 1d stages of moving house 1. omg i have so much stuff i'm so stressed 2. wait i don't have that much left i'll be fine 3. omg i have way more stuff than i thought 4. fuck. the kitchen 18 785 17.8K 286K
Terminally Online Leftist @... . 1d ... gn Weon United 2 hrs-25 Why can't die? Mike Try a metal fork Like - Reply hr Weon oh look at me the millionaire that can afford metal cutlery Unlike Reply 4-1 hr 12 2,476 71.2K 664K
Roxi Wheels @RoxiWheels 16h I'm into pain BUT NOT LIKE THAT 2 SHARP! SHARPI 261 5,008 54.5K 1.8M
Danny Conrad @DannyJCo... 16h ... A heartfelt 12 second mourning period from my dad before getting back to business. Wordle now, grieve later Today 3:32PM Hey guys, passed away this morning. Will let you know details about the arrangements once I hear back. L Damn that's sad. Let us know J So sad, thanks dad Wordle 1,112 3/6 D 10 24 2,634 208K
bfa agonistes @superloafcat•2 20h ... 11:55 PM You make my dick twitch like an N epileptic kid during a grand mal My brother is epileptic Awesome, so you get the N reference 11:57 PM 3 584 21.6K 750K
Gabe @bloodiedflora 4h Enter Character Name Chappel Gnome 248 6,982 80.3K 1.5M
sara @yrbigf - 8/9/24 i support wants to follow you Confirm Delete 0 4 12 followers following posts Please support this fake account so I can look real See Original Follow This account is private 312 10.9K 153K 2.6M
rajma chawal haver @prat... . 8/4/24 ... today marks the 4 year anninversary of wikipedia banning me from editing pages cause ikept altering info to win arguments 102 1,528 25.2K 379K
bean baker becky @ewbe... 8/12/24 ... Very mortified that it took me a whole hour to realise I'd accidentally sent this picture captioned just gave borth to the work group chat including my managers instead of my mum - at which point it was too late to delete and pretend it never happened VNT 11h 112 ВОЕТИ 200 - илин 70 409 23.1K 431K
Jared @Name3309-8/8/24 Lorne Michaels at the end of the SNL movie realizing all his efforts will lead to Jimmy Fallon 1,149 19.7K 1.3M
they're putting - down heitill peasal Matt Post @MattPostSay... 8/12/24 ... someone walking up behind me and stabbing me in the back repeatedly probably Food Porn @FoodP... 8/11/24 What instantly ruins a pizza? 131 6,989 142K 4.3M
Colin Fraser @colin_fraser8/12/24 ... I love it = ChatGPT 4o 9.11 or 9.9 what's bigger 9.11 is bigger than 9.9. To compare the two numbers: 9.11 has a decimal part of .11. 9.9 has a decimal part of .9, which is equivalent to .90. Since 11 is greater than 90, 9.11 is the larger number. ChatGPT @Chat... 8/12/24 there's a new GPT-4o model out in ChatGPT since last week. hope you all are enjoying it and check it out if you haven't! we think you'll like it 695 11.5K 230K 13.1M
ALEX PTAK'S TEST KITC... 8/12/24 ... Thank you, AccuWeather app 12 AM RealFeel 68° 0% No Ads FREE 7-DAY TRIAL Try Now Hypersexuality is not infidelity. it's an ADHD responce. You nor. ADHD isn't just being lecty or tunfocused Once you learn the diagnosirand scart managing it umor behavioral paychology the almost instnacht and you almost barget how to wasteaime снос arajain Itavorica by firat discovering your ADIID Typir and theo letting the 1 upfold naturally namering. hou ecory it IX.. 82 939 19.9K 757K
Nik @gemzcore. 8/12/24 Untwist it Sia R @sadlysiaa a.8/12/24 Well, this is my personal favorite. Cornbread with a twist 190 6,524 76.1K 2.8M
dille @nescartridges 8/19/24 ... thinking about ronald mcdonald's fucked up dog 49 491 3,438 del 216K
Gus @groovycorner. 2d As a human why would you want chicken and a donut Hazel @Hazel_Mahaz... 2d KFC when I catch you.. 1,691 13.3K 166K 5.2M
Derrick Holt @TheDerrick... 8/16/24 ... I just tried to send a photo to a guy on an app and it compressed and this is what it looked like rcha 98 52 3,020 99.1K
Claire Penis @ZeroSuitCa... 8/16/24 ... This is the absolute funniest tweet of all time Imao Ray Blanchard @BlanchardPhD just watched Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda. There was no embedded Woke messaging. At first I thought that is because it was low-budget camp. However, it was released in 2014, so maybe it was just a little early. 11:49 PM - 8/23/22 From Earth 54 645 8,287 214K
pancake @ilovesubnautica 3d ... dude this is like the funniest shit ever to me the burger king in my town was so BAD they were cut off from the chain and are now just called burger. they still have the same menu too just with different names Buttermilk Tenders Chicken Wings Burger BURGER to BigFueANC BURGER IT Extra long Chil Chicken 87 Bacon Fux Crispy Chicken Large Chicken Diese Füxe gibt es auch als plant based! 1,096 14.7K 163K 4.2M
@hairball1952. 4d tay ... having a cocteau twins summer kewlshrek @kewlshrek Having a Cocteau twins summer where no one can understand what I say but those who choose to listen are enchanted 03:02 - 17/05/2022 from Earth 18 2,037 15.6K 356K
Bucks Muse @BucksMuse 3d ... Chris Paul is 3 Years sober SL DM SOBER Bakuten CENTRAL NBACentral @The... 8/26/21 Chris Paul says he's 'addicted' to playing in P the NBA Finals 3 ... 131 4,772 93.3K 4M
Mehmet Okurrrt @Natural_One... 1d ... I applaud the self awareness and knowing that his kids...v wouldn't see him Club Shay Shay @ClubS... 1d My biggest fear is ... I don't think I'm personally ready, nor will I ever be, to invest the time it needs to be a great parent. - John Cena CC 458 17.4K 193K 5.5M
Dread Weight: now on Steam! 1d ... Nardwuar would bring a Polaroid of Sean Evans trying hot sauce for the first time in 1995. First We Feast TEAM @firstwef... 1d who are you choosing? FIRST WE FEAST FIRST First We Feast Wt TEAS @FirstWeFeast who would you rather see on hot ones? David Letterman or Nardwuar? 9 482 7,853 172K
will @twothickscoops- 15h I hate small talk is such a common opinion but I cannot relate in the slightest. Talking about jack shit with someone I will likely never meet again is like a drug for me 111 6,114 48.1K 846K
andi (e/alb) @Nexuist.21h roommate still hasn't noticed I've been raising the oxygen in our apartment air composition by 0.5% every day and that's why we can do everything on 3 hours of sleep 123 2,724 111K 3M
Tim @deliclit . 18h ... Laying down and being on your phone around 6 pm is something that can be so healing 2 313 3,423 55.6K
chloe @CL0FAIRY.1 1d if i had a gun i would put stickers on it 94 10.9K 47.7K 973K
@wearevibin - 1 17h ... Allegedly. @silentstrangr-1 17h Y'all be snoring? 208 19.2K 88.7K 5.7M
B.W. Carlin @BaileyCarlin - 17h Right into the subtitle hall of fame ASHEBORO, NC TEXT NC TO 88022 LIVE 10:10 am PT TRUMP SEN. JD VANCE C•SPAN2  2024 R-OHIO, VICE PRESIDENTIAL OMINEE 2024 399 16.5K 196K 4.2M
Awesomemay @Awesomemay_ 18h ... rewatching gordon ramsay's hotel hell what is he doing Pull up for precise seeking Hotel Hell 53:28 CC 292 3,769 52K 858K
katie @skatie420. 18h ... they should call that guy Edgar Allan Poem!! because of all those poems he did. 32 534 9,028 del 162K
asif @threemad10.23h you tell ur homegirl with a bf ur grandfather passed away nd she will be like yeah my bf has a grandfather too 43 2,348 34.9K del 673K
Meg Griffin @nancydrewsgf1 1d ... When you're so bored at work you start doing your job >> 2 225 5,317 del 117K
Brandy Jensen @BrandyLJens... 13h ... I love when an IT guy refers to my laptop as your machine 46 463 13.3K 272K
Zelda @Firebirdxox 8/12/24 ... Hate to break it to this freak but I have this exact same dress because it makes my delicious honkers look absolutely boingdiddlydoinkus huge Masculine Ego @M... 8/12/24 6. Dress modestly. 348 2,412 69.9K 3M
animals going goblin mode 21h ... Jake @Caledfwlch_ They are on a phone call 14 1,208 26.1K 461K
sagé Ig°* * @sagethetaurus_. .23h ... ALZE when is national one sided crush day 286 9,632 43.7K del 1.2M
t lucia scarlet @luciascar... 1d ... I am literally German and I can no longer read wir suchen dich without laughing. fuck all of you 165 3,913 65K 1.5M
Philly K. Dick-#1 Usogui Fan 1d ... If you watch stuff like this for entertainment I don't fully consider you human ryan @scubaryan_. 1d Vitaly and Lil Pump shaved a child predators head bald and then made him eat the hottest chip in the world 5c Stake 4,056 5,310 163K 13.9M
MrsFishVEVO @Will_Kellogg 14h ... how I feel when I finally pass a slow person in front of me on a sidewalk POEM 2 3 LEADER 5 6 1450M WR SPLIT 14:51.26 15:13.0 DISTANCE TO Go 56M W 1500м FREE H 3 2,523 49.6K del 1M
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNN... 18h ... You know what?  16 601 3,056 del 74.9K
cosmic cowgirl @blockhi.... 1d ... Shazam but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me 56 5,366 53.9K del 1.1M
weapon @weapxngxrl. 1d I would hope so? m @cheesecakeo_16 2d Texting your brother is like texting a boy who has 0 interest in you 6 266 10.3K del 192K
Michael Girdley @girdley 21h ... I asked my lawyer once why he liked me as a client. Не said, Because you pay your bills. Me: But I pay late sometimes! Не said, Dude, 40% of my bills never get paid. Me: Whoa. Lesson: Don't pay your lawyers. 67 115 5,768 230K
jz2 @mixedgrass666.22h ... One time in high school we scored some ditch weed and my friend tried smoking a joint W 8.5x11 printer paper and he got sick for three days 50 673 20.8K 429K
Austine @theereal_one.2 2h Those animals don't even hang out together this is fucking nuts Araaa @shawntifying.2h Double filet o fish add bacon 230 3,294 21.1K 888K
DatNoFact 7 (@datnofact.bs... 21h ... KEEP STOP hello I'm new to the stock market is it good when the intel ceo starts praying Pat Gelsinger intel @PGels... 1d Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways Proverbs 4:25-26 217 11K 103K 5.9M
seb @lovesickseba 1d .. when a customer gets mad at you so they try to scare you by asking you what your name is............ 319 4,288 83.3K del 2.2M
Heather @heatherjs• 1d There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second. 11 1,717 18.6K 378K
Meg @megannn_lynne 19h Taco Bell isn't even good Yeah I know. Sometimes the raccoon inside of me craves garbage. Leave me & my Crunchwrap alone 93 8.1K 66K 1.8M
Caroline @weirdassfishes 1d ... He's always doing some shit 126 5,350 78.7K 1.2M
Derek du Preez @Derek_duPre... 21h ... Asked the guy at the food counter at the cinema if he needed to see my ticket before ordering my nachos and he just replied no, it's not the fucking airport mate 28 163 13.2K 237K
derek guy @dieworkwear 14h ... Replying to @dieworkwear so the falcon was sitting with a dead bear in your car while you were getting lunch at peter lugers? 36 191 3,463 161K
BUNTUBADU @boontu_mkize 1d ... god sacrificed his only son. trust me bro, he is fine with abortions 685 12.2K 72.1K 4.2M
Wes @phishfinding- 1d I wrote an intel report on a hacking group and the hacking group reached out to let me know they read it GIF 123 2,349 34.7K 506K
JOAN OF ART @umcornell 19h ... when the bouncer is asking to search 134 - and inside my bag but i have a bag of weed and a switch blade at the bottom cg 0:03 From reaction encyclopedia 29 2,947 35K 693K
Popeyes spokesman @Lilk... 21h ... I spotted a dude in the gym while he benched like 310 and once he was done I hit him with the signature good shit bro I'm trying to get like you.....dude said Don't be like me bro, I'm on steroids. ..... shit got awkward because I didn't know what to say to that 230 1,932 21.6K del 705K
Nefarious Bits @BitsHam... 19h ... Matt Novak Follow @paleofuture.bsky.social AI folks have now discovered thinking Steph Smith Follow @stephsmithio Sometimes in the process of writing a good enough prompt for ChatGPT, I end up solving my own problem, without even needing to submit it. 2:16PM - 7/29/24.1 1.7K Views ALT Jul 29, 2024 at 4:43 PM 30 3,254 36.8K 532K

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