42 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, July 31, 2024

Oh haha…no problem I guess…
42 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, July 31, 2024

Jason Reitman’s SNL movie finally has a name. It’s been operating under the working title SNL 1975, but it’s officially called Saturday Night — something that’s short, sweet and live from New York. Sony also announced that the film, which follows the 90 minutes of “humor and chaos” that led up to the premiere of the legendary show, will be released on October 11th — exactly 49 years after the very events the movie is depicting. The film features a blend of prominent newcomers like Gabriel LaBelle and Rachel Sennott and established veterans like Willem Dafoe and J.K. Simmons. The actor behind one prominent role, however, remains unknown: the person taking on the daunting task of playing inaugural host George Carlin

Meanwhile, Dylan Sprouse is using a little sibling rivalry to fuel the next steps of his career. As the former child star pivots toward producing, Sprouse told Live with Kelly and Mark that he wants to cast his twin brother in future projects for one very specific reason. “It would be pretty funny to start casting him in roles where he gets killed a lot,” Sprouse explained, likening the idea to South Park’s Kenny. Any film they work on together will be their first substantial collaboration since sharing the role of Julian McGrath in Big Daddy

The month might be ending, but the supply of hilarious tweets is still going strong. Today’s funniest include those about a Scrooge who woke up with nothing good to say on Christmas morning, a cute little speed limit and someone who just wants to squeak. 

Jay @jaycgallagher 23h ... A busker outside Charing Cross just said here's some Christina Aguilera for a beautiful Friday... is it Friday? Thursday! Wednesday? It's Tuesday! Wow! and then started playing Torn by Natalie Imbruglia, and I found her confusion and crumbling grip on reality quite relatable 11 732 15.8K del 304K
Brittnay Johnston @britthorsen... 1d ... Me getting yet another notice that all of my personal information has been compromised in a data breach D V L F 113 17.2K 211K 3.2M
DON'T CRASH paddle @ipaddlearound. 1 18h KEEP DRY DON'T CRASH KEEP DRY basketball player whose signature DON'T CRASH move is smirking at the ball and going heh, this old thing... before shooting 30 685 17.7K 375K
jacques @flamencolambada-7h ... surely got to be a better way to end each section of this Mental Health training course Wow! Well done 11 You passad this quiz with il score You completed Self Harm! CONTINUE You completed Depression! CONTINUE You completed Anxiety! CONTINUE 126 4,969 71.7K 1.4M
kanoa @ih4tedrugs. 18h ... accidentally became important at work n its ruining my life 273 29.5K 160K 4.3M
Ryan @r_l00sky 16h Looney Tunes ass city 14m ago Report of Person Hit by Piano 3.4mi The Loop 19 752 11.7K 370K
Kim Chi @KimChi_Chic - 13h ... That back tooch??? Не really served the country RRIS 2024 PARIS 2024 PARIS 2024 PARIS 2024 PAR 141 OHION PAR 7 8 7 8 8 7 8 7 10.5 20.4 CHOE D. F KOR 251 19K 110K 9M
Kuklochka @shqiptarded· 13h ... ivy @wolktress .10m bitches wanna fuck adam from girls so they can be hannah but u can't be hannah without having fucked an ELIJAH and i don't think a lot of u have actually gone thru that 2 61 del 1.3K la femme nikita khrushchev @brosip... .7m .. none of these words are in the bible 1 1 59 Michael Follow @sourc0ws Adam has like a whole chapter in the Bible 4 277 8,286 131K
STEVE! @NotDrDeath.1 12h Myrtle Beach @max21e8 @max21e8. 1d what is this style called? - Su ATT HACK DAVIMET 1 NO DAVIENT - 6 The were can العربي - ON DUG - osuri BAID Ger DUD MAKE Jour uGir sea LUDI LIGHT BUD LIGIT 153 2,286 30.2K 1.3M
Brock @brockomole.14h ... Shaving before Trader Joe's because you never know 15 1,563 28.1K 663K
RandomSprint @RandomS....1 17h ... My 4 yo son, walking into my office, Are you still working? Yeah, bud. How many more buttons do you have to press? 46 415 13K 277K
Tony P. @Tbone7219 22h ... Going to surprise my wife tonight with a romantic dinner Cof SKÖL VODKA PREMIUM SKÖL Stouffers VODKA FAMOUS SINCE 1843 LASAGNA WITH MEAT & SAUCE - 25% BIGGER - Stouffer's with 100% pure beet barb seasoned comple SINCE and real cheese 2X CONDENSED MEAT the Campbell's - = NET WT Chicken adidas Noodle = 220m - 1 die * SOUP 990 PER PACKAGE b - - und 360 MILD SET NUTRITION INFORMATION go SODIUM - CONTINT - 478 253 3,898 126K
Sarah McGonagall @gothspid... 13h ... So remember how I built a life-size replica of the maze and elevator doors from The Shining a few years ago, and I put them in a closed-off room to keep them safe? Well, recently I've been spending more time in there to strengthen the maze and I'm about 98.4% sure it's haunted. 73 489 11.8K 619K
7/11 Truther @DaveMcNam... 13h ... It's been talked about before but I love that Papa John lives in a Saddam Hussein style palace in Louisville Kentucky 52 479 12.8K 405K
MAIA @yummaia 21h ... when y'all smoke together and he start freestyling 379 8,015 49.7K 1.6M
CJF 888 22h ... ... saying this on christmas is crazy there's fr no love in your heart spoooook @throne_o... 12/25/23 calling your partner my love is cringe. 6 219 2,782 59.7K
@cryst6l 17h something abt being late to work 10 minutes everyday does it for me idk 5 666 3,017 del 79.6K
Matt @scriptumsent· 15h A perfect pilot would land the plane Emir Han @RealEmirHan 22hh What TV show had a perfect pilot? I'll start: LOST 162 8,328 111K del 2.9M
Pop Base @PopBase.8h ... MTV asks Jamie Lee Curtis if she knows which cinematic 'phase' Marvel is currently in: Bad. MARVEL STUDIOS CINEMATIC UNIVERSE 293 1,569 29.9K 992K
b ar vessel @hybridrecirc•1 17h ... :3 SPEED LIMIT :3 177 7,557 79.6K 943K
Willie Muse @Williesillie2. 17h ... The Riddler is a weird choice but I stand behind her decision POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave.1 18h Kamala Harris is expected to announce her pick for vice president as early as Monday. ? 99 8,049 140K del 2.8M
lala @ecto_fun 17h Ателапатта Ally Green @theatt... a i'm still stuck on her saying she left her two kids in their cribs but I see she got the dog in her hand. TaraBull @TaraBull808·2 2d Two men broke into her house, so she ran out front to her own ring cam to alert her husband. ring.com TikTo lashamh 415 6.5K 86K 3.1M Aces of Spades Follow @Stacehiro Maybe she's known the dog longer than the kids 12 133 5,112 100K
P*vel @arthoefootjob 1d ... ur scarying me with that mouse shit. we're all worried about u 11:08 pm Squeak.. Nibble nibble Squeak 11:09 pm Sent 69 3,388 35.6K 989K
Jules Suzdaltsev @jules_su 16h ... even tho this was made by a hedge fund manager to dunk on me, it's still insanely funny Inflation is bad or you ordered a private taxi for Inflation is bad your burrito Private taxi for my burrito 56 27.6K 904K 865
Good Truthboy @thefatspace... 19h ... Not gonna drop the @ obviously but this is maybe the funniest bio I have ever seen minor (DO NOT GROOM 67 3,247 53K 837K
don @ddpain_. 17h Oh nooo the meat hasn't defrosted I guess I have to doordash oh noooooo A 24 2,540 35.5K 559K
carter hambley @carterhambl... 18h ... if you use Do Not Disturb i hate to tell you this. but you are constantly missing out on money. at 3am they're calling me with cash offers 2 76 2,268 40.4K
@PALMTREEMAMI_ 16h daisy b Follow @ilovemidssomuch literally cannot forget this girl I went to school with whose instagram bio was Cincinnati Northern Kentucky What was the airplane for queen 10 171 5,841 109K
The Joyful Linguist ® @anafric... 1d ... Still funny UIV MOTORI VIIIO مايا FIVI nuro permission to share it with you. Nudes?xx Не asked hopefully Don't be shy XX Не said creepily what is it you mean?x Не questioned stupidly you send me nudes or not???x Не continued moronically Fuck yiun a wierd stupid bitch!!! x Не declared angrily + Aa 106 4,093 26.9K 636K
tub @3laichi· 17h forgot to wear deodorant today CC From Loona dunham 134 2,654 55.9K 1M
hot and confused @cuntfriedr... 22h ... My body is not a temple it's a World Trade Center and every day is 9/11 79 9,102 63.3K 2.3M
tj, the gremlin @praxispapi 18h you're not polyamorous. you just need two people to love you at the same time like your parents didn't. 7,593 336 48.7K del 1.8M
clover ^_* @TomboyTgirl . 1d my first gf had a hard time expressing what exactly her issues were so i was like omg and made a color coded interactive spreadsheet W diff categories of behavioral and circumstantial factors to help clarify and she broke up W me 590 4,480 118K del 3.3M
R mor @moristiko. 17h ... this picture is so badass 18 365 4,707 151K
Pavel @es_aion.7h ... just a little prank As a joke, Arthur Conan Doyle once sent five letters to five friends that read, We are discovered, flee immediately, to see what they would do. One of them disappeared and Conan Doyle never saw him again. - QI (E Series - Espionage) it's worth mentioning that those friends were people in high places in the government. 21 2,101 26.6K 420K
Mel @fleeboiimel_ 16h ... This looks like raw hamburger patties with seasoning @1Bank... 16h BIG QUAN Y'all eating one of these strawberry snickerdoodle cookies? hocofits 62 2,091 15.7K 396K
p-dinheiro™ @p_dinheiro.5 5h Just on a client call with someone I previously matched with on Hinge. How's your day going? 19 186 1,624 84.9K
lyndsey IS MEETING DNP 1d ... tw death my dad bought me a new birth certificate (or tried to) and they accidentally printed a death certificate so legally im dead 218 1,857 57.6K 678K
lauren @gilmxres 15h population 9,973 they must be including the bugs cause... @thinkergilmore. 1d gilmore girls pilot <3 Welcome to STARS HOLLOW POPULATION 9,973 25 1,186 43.3K 837K
sophie @netcapgirl. 2h ... as per my last email PARIS 2024 PARIS S 2 118 6,743 69.9K del 2.6M
Chris Wade @saywhatagain 11h ... - ARE TIMETING IN IN BASS THAP It's cool they do international skateboard trick competitions on top of where they executed the king. RIP Louis XVI, you would have loved this sick kickflip frontside lipslide. 9 571 6,335 152K
Today Years Old @todayyear... 1d ... If you feel useless today, just remember somebody is working as a lifeguard at the #Olympics Rio 016 + BELGIUM ATE RF - 425 7,705 205K 9.3M

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