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You have your own cinematic universe. Stay there!

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July 30, 2024

Wolverine has some strong feelings about Gerber.

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CRACKED.COM Weird Superhero Endorsements Lexus sponsored the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Coulson goes on a quest for revenge in the best possible way - driving a luxury S.U.V. from the good people at Lexus! A whole comic was dedicated to this. LAND LEISTEN — Source

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Weird Superhero Endorsements HULK LOVE SLEEPY'S MATTRESSES! Sleepy's Mattresses invented the hero Sleepy's Man to magically force the Jade Giant to dreamland via its incredibly comfortable mattress (that they want you to buy). CRACKED CON — Source

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MOTOR HARLEY-DAVIDSON CYCLES an WATER NITA Weird Superhero Endorsements Captain America and Black Widow team up with Harley Davidson's Road Force. Cap and Natasha recruit Harley Davidson's elite motorcycle team to take down interdimensional monsters. You know, typical biker stuff. CRACKED.COM — Source

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LANTERN Weird Superhero Endorsements Colonel Sanders becomes a Green Lantern. Hal Jordan gives Sanders some power to fight the Orange Lantern, Larfleeze, who wants to force the Colonel to make chicken sandwiches. Sanders ends the fight by offering Larfleeze his own KFC franchise. CRACKED.COM — Source

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IS THAT AQUAMAN? WHAT THE HECK ARE THOSE GUYS UP TO? I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT CAN'T BE ANY GOOD Weird Superhero Endorsements Subway-fueled football players saved Aquaman. NFL players Michael Strahan, Ndamukong Suh, and Justin Tuck stop eating their Subway sandwiches to help an unconscious Aquaman against, while everyone yearns for Subway's D-grade ingredients. ARMAN LET'S GO, GUYS! SUBWAY YEAH, BUT I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY SANDWICH-- COME ON, MICHAEL! IT'S AQUAMAN! CRACKED.COM — Source

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Weird Superhero Endorsements Wolverine intensely endorsed Gerber baby products. In a How are you not fired? decision, the 1993 Marvel Annual Financial Report featured comic panels of Wolverine's blood-red gaze upon several Gerber toys and products that he shills to the reader. GERBER® NURSERY DOLLS AND... GERBER™ ELECTRONICS-FEAT- OGerber URING WIRELESS VIDEO CAMERA MONITORS TO HEAR AND WATCH YOUR BABY IN THE LIGHT OR DARKNESS! CRACKED.COM — Source

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NOT FOR RIGHT, WEB-HEAD. HOW ABOUT IT? BE A I HAVE THE FEELING THINGS ARE A MILLION NICE GUY AND LET ME YOU'RE GOING ON GOING TO GET WORSE BEFORE OUT OF HERE. BUCKS! A ONE-WAY THEY GET BETTER. RIDE! RIGHTS Weird Superhero Endorsements Spider-Man bribes his captors with Twinkies. The Web Slinger gets caught in a net by Larcenous Lil and her nameless goons, but then trades creme-filled sponge cakes for his freedom. Не then webs Larcenous Lil. End of ad. HOW ABOUT FOR LARCENOUS LIL WON'T LIKE SOMETIME LATER AT LARCENDUS LIL'S LAIR. SOME DELICIOUS THIS. BUT I — Source

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4 4 Weird Superhero Endorsements The Fantastic Four and Hitachi Data Systems fight monsters and poor data storage. Marvel's First Family battles M.O.D.O.K. and a cluster of corrupted data spheres called Datazilla. They succeed thanks to Hitachi's Virtual Storage Platform (and The Thing clobbering stuff, of course). CRACKED.COM — Source

22

Weird Superhero Endorsements Doomsday is deafeated with a Snickers. In Action Comics #959, Batman saves Superman from being deathpunched by Doomsday by handing him a Snickers. Then it turns out it wasn't Doomsday at all, but a hangry Wonder Woman. SNICKERS GRACKED.COM — Source

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SOMETHING TELLS ME MY BAT MAN OLD ENEMY, THE CATMAN IS ON THE PROWL TONIGHT. IN CATMAN ON THE PROWL Weird Superhero Endorsements Robin saves Batman from Catman with cupcakes. Robin tempts Catman with chocolate cupcakes to get him to call off his leopards and panthers off the Dark Knight. It works because the cupcakes appeal to Catman's love of darkness. OK, then. HOSTESS® CUP CAKES! SMART MOVE, I THINK HE'LL BE GOING ROBIN USING CATMAN'S LOVE TO THE DOGS DEEP, DARK OF DARKNESS TO ...I MEAN, CHOCOLATY GET HIS MIND JAIL... FROM CAKE! DEEP, NOW ON. OFF ME. DARK — Source

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CRACKED.COM COULD YOU CONCENTRATE ON YOUR DRIVING? Weird Superhero Endorsements Black Canary runs over crime with a Pontiac driver. In a limited series, Black Canary teams with Rush, a superhero created for Pontiac, with the power to... own a Pontiac. There were six issues of this. Six! TECUNCU — Source

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Superman

CRACKED COM Weird Superhero Endorsements Superman teamed up with the Quik Bunny. For reasons only advertisers know, Superman needed the aid of the Nestlé Quik mascot once. Of course, they fueled up with a powdery liquid that is chocolate milk and also not chocolate milk. — Source

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A Weird Superhero Endorsements The Avengers teamed up with a real life defense contractor. In 2017, Marvel partnered with Northrop Grumman and released a comic featuring the Avengers and Northrop Grumman's own hero team, N.G.E.N. It was quickly dropped because what the hell, Marvel. CRACKED.COM — Source

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TVE GOT TO STOP HIM. THESE HOSTESS wow! REAL FRUIT FILLING- APPLE AND CHERRY. AND A FRUIT PIES MIGHT HELP. HE MUST HAVE WORKED UP AN APPETITE BY NOW! LIGHT, TENDER CRUST. DELICIOUS! Weird Superhero Endorsements Daredevil beats a baby man by feeding him Hostess Fruit Pies. The Man Without can't seem to beat this random swole baby-looking man, so he tosses some dry, sugary fruit pastry bombs at him. HEY, DAREDEVIL WHAT I DON'T KNOW! 1 JUST MURDOCK Z THOUGHT YOU DON'T MENTION WERE WE FIGHTING ASKED YOU WHAT YOU SAID I SMELL OF DIRTY IT. I NEEDED ABOUT, — Source

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES CRACKED.COM The Coming Out of Their Shells Tour rocked local civic centers with studded turtle-wear and bitchin' keytar solos. Sadly, this was someone's first rock concert. — Source

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HOLY MUSICAL, B@MAN! CRACKED.COM This not officially sanctioned by DC Comics musical featured the show-stopping number Robin Sucks. — Source

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DR. STRANGE CRACKED.COM No, that's not Ron Jeremy starring in this 1978 Dr. Strange TV movie. Doc just borrowed his wardrobe and pornstache. — Source

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SUPERHEROS AT SEA WORLD GRACKED CON Who wants to see superheros fly or run at super-speed when they could be dragged around a smelly lake by a speedboat? We miss you, SeaWorld Ohio. — Source

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Superman

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's SUPERMAN RAKY ON CRACKED.COM A 1975 TV adaption of the failed stage musical nixed villainous Chinese acrobats because they were culturally insensitive. They were replaced with Italian mobsters. — Source

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MARVEL UNIVERSE LIVE CRACKED.COM It's Marvel's most cosmic heroes riding stunt-cycles and showing off their karate skills. And yes, some dude went to theater school to play an anthropomorphic raccoon. — Source

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Superman 64

SUPERMAN 64 LUT HOR: If YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR FRIENDS. SOLVE MY MAZE! LEXCORP CRACKED.COM It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a mass of red and blue polygons! One reason it's considered the worst superhero game ever? DC wouldn't allow Superman to punch bad guys. — Source

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SPIDEY SUPER-STORIES Grab a sack. CRACKED.COM Spider-Man helped kids learn to read and write on The Electric Company while teaching Morgan Freeman the finer points of sack grabbing. — Source

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CAPTAIN AMERICA ...AND MAYBE YOU CAN STAR WITH HIM! CRACKED.COM This mid-80s Mavel Comics ad asked young girls to sing, dance, and act up a storm to prove they could be Cap's very special friend. The musical, and subsequent lawsuits, were never produced. — Source

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THOR AND LOKI 65 DIN CRACKED.COM. The mythical battle between the Norse god-brothers was brought to musical life with a recorder duet. Also: Tap-dancing trolls. — Source

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LEGENDS OF THE SUPERHEROES CRACKED.COM This live-action 1979 epic featured the Legion of Doom vs. classic DC superheroes such as Hawkman, whose mask was created as an after-school paper mache project. — Source

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SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK CRACKED.COM You'll belive a man can fly if you ignore the bulky harness and massive steel cables. Still the biggest flop in Broadway history. Way to go, Bono. — Source

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DAREDEVIL AND BLACK WIDOW CRACKED.COM In 1974, Stan Lee gave Jipp Jones (David Bowie's ex) the TV rights for a year. Even Ziggy Stardust thought the freaky devil horns were a little over the top. — Source

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BATMAN: THE RIDE CRACKED.COM The Dark Knight is the inspiration for this thrilling inverted roller coaster ride. In other words, Six Flags painted this bad boy black and yellow. — Source

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THE TOXIC AVENGER MUSICAL THE TOXIC AVENGER THE MUSICAL CRACKED.COM The show-stopping finale features the deformed mutant crooner vowing to end global warming. Не is immediately defunded by Congress. — Source

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