41 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of July 22, 2024

They hate you, dude
41 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of July 22, 2024

This last week featured some pretty wild news. Tom Kenny revealed SpongeBob SquarePants’s “superpower,” Michael Bay dipped his toes into the waters of Gen Alpha brain rot, and despite what your uncle’s Facebook feed might say, CBS didn’t offer Tim Allen and Richard Karn a billion dollars to create a “non-woke sitcom.”

But the week’s most bizarre news originated from Ohio, and it sounds like a rejected Saturday Night Live sketch. The TL;DR version: The Ohio Supreme Court maintained that although a stray bone found among a plate of boneless wings tore a local man’s esophagus, the cooking style cannot guarantee that the wing will be totally free of bones, thus providing a ruling that suggests words have lost all meaning — that is, boneless wings don’t really have to be boneless.  

Thankfully, the timeline offered a reprieve from all of this insanity with some seriously great laugh-out-loud tweets. The funniest ones included those about swans’ good PR, meat that deserves respect and the one thing that can always ruin a good day.

Young Prince @YoungPr... 19h ... You do fanduel picks too ? starheal @starheal-8/11/20 Kamala Harris will be 60 in 4 years. I see her running for President in 2024 since this coincides with her Saturn return. 92 3,718 19.1K 1.2M
iamkp @whhooizKkppp 23h ... If you see me standing like this with my stuff ....I'm ready to go 95 9,195 37.6K 716K
the wolf of poems @sabatonf... 21h ... It's crazy you can't tell who's Canadian on here they could be anyone 152 1,741 9,578 292K
charlie squire @evil_female. 8h ... how i feel when i wear head to toe uniqlo 21 1,982 29.8K 810K
ufedo @theUfedo.4h I need a friend with benefits, Not SEXUALLY... I'm talking about Nepotism & Privilege. 41 6,916 18.9K 342K
shar @sharloola 10h you'll be having a good day and then someone your age says they're buying a house 220 17.1K 113K 2.6M
Wild TikToks @wildtiktokss.1 1d ... People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day. 92 10.7K 120K 3.4M
Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.1 1d ... The spelling of bourgeoisie was intended as yet another means of oppression 241 10.1K 68.5K 1.4M
Slouching Towards McDonald... 17h ... Kevin Durant is speaking in Kevin Durant is not top 5 LegendOfWinning Host ... Kevin Durant is not top 5 Swipa speaking + 3,237 listening 10 278 3,215 172K
Brock @brockomole 22h ... Acting like I'm normal after I blew past a slow car just to end up together at the next red light CC 31 1,794 21.8K 372K
Amna @AmnaBaaji· 1d Tbh I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. 132 15.4K 93K 2.5M
conor @ConorShack·1 1d remember: when a band skips your city on tour it is always personal and they always hate you specifically 124 7,969 67.2K del 1.1M
Phy @its_phylicia 4h I thought was a personality hire but turns out they actually think I'm smart & are relying on me :/ CG 34 2,594 11.6K 181K
Brock @brockomole 20h ... Went to look up Alzheimer's symptoms and all the links were purple S x 63 5,253 103K 1.9M
michael wave @SzMarsupial.20h ... my bf started learning to write in cuneiform and today a big slab of clay arrived in the post. sometimes you can really see the form your life is about to take 84 1,270 29.3K 493K
Thembo @OnlyAWorldAway.21h Enough! the toilet bear talking about its dirty bear ass Me, minding my own business watching TV ALT 109 2,164 18.9K 827K
tractor @nudeobama 18h ... In highschool I used to punish myself by wearing jeans to bed with my heating blanket on 9. I would have the worst nightmares of my life and wake up at 8pm to eat cold dinner from the fridge 226 4,393 111K 2.3M
Jessica Price @Delafina777.1d I'm at the coffee shop and there's a couple on what sounds like a first date at the next table and he just told her that he's an alpha male and she asked Is that like a furry thing? and made a face and I want to tell her to ditch her horrible date and be my friend. 174 2,890 69.2K 904K
Granite Man @GraniteDhu... 10h ... I can't believe we used to pay for ringtones. If my phone rang now, I'd take a hammer to it. 25 1,377 11.7K 277K
Tommy Bayer @tommybayertime 1h ... woke up in the middle of the night to write this down < Notes ... Done Babies in strollers on a racetrack getting their diapers changed really fast by nascar guys 19 164 3,275 54.8K
@bigdawgbully1.2h Boy yo daddy could've sold me a heart attack at age 13 and i would've asked for it for Christmas Billy Mays III @infinitethird.2h lol just got to pittsburgh and someone left oxiclean at my dad's grave BELOVED HUSBAND FATHER AND son BILLY MAYS 1958 8 - 2009 - PITCHMAN OXI CLEAN 76 - IF TEARS COULD BUILD STAIRWAY . AND MEMORIES A LANE PD WALK RIGHT 17.TO HEAVEN WRING YOU HOME 28 3,275 17.3K 481K
ava! @F41rygirl . 19h i would do absolutely anything for my friends except answer their text messages 87 7,523 31.1K 639K
i have never heard of philoso... 16h ... When I was a teenager working in the deli they wouldn't let me slice the prosciutto cause it was $19.95 a pound, it gave me respect for prosciutto 3 27 1,231 del 17K
Cameron Bradford @camerob... .23h ... If a cop doesn't read me my Miranda rights, i usually help him out by asking some leading questions. Do i i have the right to remain silent? Etc. 1 21 1,020 del 16.9K
GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge 6d Me, age 12: I can be anything I want Me, age 18: I can be successful if I work hard Me, now: I can be back from the shops by 1 if go now 15 899 11.6K 261K
Daniel @growing_daniel. 5d ... Wish I was alive when fuckin at work was still legal Joseph @CaudilloXIV.5d Hennessy the civilized way to call it a day COCIAC Henness The world's most civilized spirit 280 4,045 82.3K del 2.7M
Coco @_hotc0c0.6d ... I love the way they get such good PR for being so beautiful. Вс these birds are evil as hell @Yoda4ever 7/19/24 Yeg Mama swan carrying her little babies.. CC 877 24K 382K 9.3M
kayla says @KaylaSaysMore . 5d ... sorry there's no way RUPAULS DRAG MILK CON LA2024 953 HTT CONTINTO 10 335 13K 142K
dedgrl @dedgrl . 3 3d when shawty goes non verbal and you gotta bust these out NO YES DAD MOM PLAY OPEN DOOR TOY OUTSIDE HI MAD LOVE YOU BALL BED РОО HAPPY HUNGRY WHERE GOODNIGHT COME WALK HELP WATER PARK FOOD W 100 8.3K 85K 2.8M
lady (lauren) jessica @laurenjesholmes.4d ... born to dilly dally forced to lock in AND G NEW EWS REAL WOLF SPRITZER - - - MEZCAL MARTINI = - - CINA SINK = THIS IS FIRST TIME A U.S. PRESIDENT HAS DROP 42 13K 153K 2.8M
Mel Reneé @MelReneeStyles - 3 3d ... Some days I feel exactly like her. Volcano Motel upn 96 14K 71K 2.2M
elana @elana_desantis - 3d the kamala abbott elementary cameo is gonna hit like obama era crack 36 4.9K 96K 1.5M
sextina acab-fina @giltcomplex 3d DIVA DOWN!!! CHICAGO CRITTER @ChicagoCritter.3d Weinermobile had a little accident. #oscarmayer INOM NO TEXTING AND Think Sal DRIVING REAL COMME RICORA 23 9.9K 125K 3.2M
Coach Ed. @DepressedDETN - 1 16h The Tim Duncan of ice cream. One of the greatest to ever do it, dependable, crazy numbers, but nothing flashy about his game. DF Discontinued Foods! @Snack_Memories . 1 7/8/22 What are people's opinions on plain, old-fashioned ice cream sandwiches? Delicious? Nasty? Somewhere in between? 483 21K 158K 5.5M
@notcishet.4 4d ... getting a rejection letters for every single easy apply job i've ever applied to GIF 13 653 6.6K 95K
Danielle Sepulveres @ellesep 3d I told the Mets I can't pitch tonight THE HILL The Hill @thehill.4d NEW: Joe Manchin says he wouldn't serve as Harris VP trib.al/WaiUtLO 182 2.4K 56K 1.8M
khia furry @ijbolpastry 1d customer asked me if an iced latte has milk in it 44 582 16K del 269K
@andromedism.2d ... AUG 5. 2024 TIME time.com 1 312 65K 4.3K
Matt Matt Watson @matthwatson . 2d ... dream blunt rotation Trending in Rap Diddy 24.6K posts Entertainment Trending Adin Ross 10.5K posts Trending in Political figures Jimmy Carter 47.3K posts Entertainment Trending SpongeBob 31.7K posts 27 267 4.5K 82K
carter hambley @carterhambley 17h they should do this for ted lasso 4F DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm . 18h 'TRANSFORMERS ONE' takes place 3 billion years before the live-action movies. #SDCC 6 639 20K 545K
Swiss Duck @DuckySwiss 4d THE MYTH OF CONSENSUAL SEX I I CONSENT CONSENT. IDON'T! ISN'T THERE SOMEBODY YOU FORGOT TO ASK? imgfip.com DF DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm - 4d Steven Spielberg gave a note to remove the kiss scene from TWISTERS I think it's a Spielberg note, wasn't i... 1.5K 28K 1M 14

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