36 of the Funniest Tweets from Tuesday, July 23, 2024

It’s about to get real Mesopotamian in their home
36 of the Funniest Tweets from Tuesday, July 23, 2024

Put away the garlic because FX is getting ready to seal the coffin on What We Do in the Shadows. After a series-high eight Emmy nominations — including one for lead actor Matt Berry — the network announced that the show’s sixth and final season will premiere on October 21st. The Best Comedy nominee will kick-start its farewell tour this week with a panel discussion at San Diego Comic-Con featuring Berry, Kayvan Novak, Mark Proksch and Kristen Schaal

Some of Apple TV+’s programming may also be reaching its end. The tech giant has spent upwards of $20 billion to produce films and television shows for its streaming service to compete with the likes of Netflix and Hulu, with Severance’s long-gestating sophomore season said to have run $20 million per episode. But despite such a hefty price tag, the return on investment has been piss-poor — Apple TV+ is allegedly pulling in monthly viewership numbers that Netflix generates in a single day. 

Thankfully, the comedy on the timeline isn’t going away anytime soon. Today’s funniest tweets include those about someone prioritizing the Brat life over employment, the struggles of a yapper and the literal and emotional cost of buying a single mozzarella stick.

ko @makjako 16h She got almost every era of weaponry Dee @kingdee_11 - 1d Get in my sister car this what I see ? VIS with - - didest NE 1 119 2,001 36.9K 667K
G*rre @springbris•1 1d lowkey need this mia @brainjail pussy from a girl that needs adderall to clean her room 3:10 PM 4/27/23 8,351 Views dal View Tweet activity 20 Retweets 1 Quote 143 Likes 2 Bookmarks Johnkahn @johnkkahn.3h Had that relationship. We barely fucked and her room was full of cereal. I loved her del 31 38 3,010 63.6K 972K
raebit @sasukeslie - 1d ... this customer's card declined after being rude to me L-Alt SOIT GIF ALT 32 4,527 90.9K 710K
aliona @honeycatdiary_.1d ... 214 29.4K 397K 6M
just zariah @itszariahhh. 14h it's the fact you can tell he's making that one face behind the phone LMFAO @PopBase. 16h Pop Base Drake shares new photo on Instagram. AЭ 000 658 12.5K 272K 6.2M
@deergirl56.1d ... what was going on when i wrote this oh my god Questions Without physical violence could you drive a monkey to suicide? 224 3,121 65.8K 2.3M
michael wave @SzMarsupial.20h ... my bf started learning to write in cuneiform and today a big slab of clay arrived in the post. sometimes you can really see the form your life is about to take 84 1,270 29.3K 493K
Pearl Rose @hipearlrose. 19h ... drink Wisconsinbly is so funny because what does that mean? get a couple DUIs before you switch to Lite? 32 79 2,983 98.7K
ty @TyFaizon 1d i hate when people say we're all gonna die like in reference to the world ending. u gonna die bro u dont know what im 100 gonna do dont speak for me 21 1,693 7,505 del 159K
God @angels_pimp 1d Alexa, intruder alert ALEXA WILL Add action + - Turn off all lights = I Turn volume on 100 = - Say so you have chosen death = Play DOOM eternal OST 22- The only thing They - = fear is you Release every Roomba = 381 18.6K 239K 7.4M
Thembo @OnlyAWorldAway.21h Enough! the toilet bear talking about its dirty bear ass Me, minding my own business watching TV ALT 109 2,164 18.9K 827K
little miss can't be wrong @al... 17h ... getting your steps in is such a secular way to describe something as religious as Taking a Long Walk 8 1,175 13.7K 243K
tractor @nudeobama 18h ... In highschool I used to punish myself by wearing jeans to bed with my heating blanket on 9. I would have the worst nightmares of my life and wake up at 8pm to eat cold dinner from the fridge 226 4,393 111K 2.3M
Jessica Price @Delafina777.1d I'm at the coffee shop and there's a couple on what sounds like a first date at the next table and he just told her that he's an alpha male and she asked Is that like a furry thing? and made a face and I want to tell her to ditch her horrible date and be my friend. 174 2,890 69.2K 904K
COSMIC SLOP @afrocos... 22h ... just saw a commercial for 50c mozzarella sticks at Applebee's. thats each btw. meaning you can buy one mozzarella stick for 50с, which strikes me as low- key psychotic 74 172 4,119 del 117K
@Glamazo... . 13h Yeehawncé ... When I tell you I am screaming Woah Vicky Follow @woahhvickyyy Kalmia Harris is a which 5:48AM 7/22/24 From Earth 4.2M Views 2.1K Reposts 1.4K Quotes 15K Likes 1K Bookmarks SiR NELLIS BLVD @kingnellis5 5h No way your vote counts as much as mine 27 196 6.5K 74K 83 5,709 80.8K 994K
سارة @p1nkcellphOne.1d ... Today 5:52 PM When you off Sunday Read 5:54 PM Oh Feel like you gotta attitude the way you said Sunday iMessage Pay 143 1,241 21.9K 683K
John Gayly @bootleghinata 18h ... I'm in STEM (shenanigans, tomfoolery, escapades, and mischief) 11 4,556 23.1K del 1M
BIBA @abiibat.2d the worst part about being a yapper is when ur mid yap and realize how much you've yapped but you're not even half way done W the yap so all u can do is apologize and keep yapping 225 34.7K 177K 4.3M
grimessucks @grimessucks1-1d ... Mama, your employment opportunities.... gemini @geminif33d-1d should we do a little key? should we have a little line? (ah-ah, ah) meet me in the bathroom if you're (bumpin' that) 48 578 26.1K 906K
tar @A5184331026722A. 19h MOST July 19, 2024 at 1:29AM AT Baby Names Boy LeBron Girl LeBronette Non-Binary ThevBron Transgender 2010 LeBron(The Decision) 635 15.1K 170K 6.6M

Image provided by Cracked

omarcito (..w.o) @fxgotr... 15h ... me high as fuck trying to talk to you telepathically + 245.5K 2,727 20 1,469 16.1K 313K
Granite Man @GraniteDhu... 10h ... I can't believe we used to pay for ringtones. If my phone rang now, I'd take a hammer to it. 25 1,377 11.7K 277K
tiny snek alex comics @tinysnekcomics - 1 1d trying to write the worst thing i can July 21, 2024 at 9:04 PM lin manuel miranda right now, probably: yEAH, she was the vee рее, hanging out in dee cee campaignin' explainin' and defendin' our democracy uh, you know, they said it couldn't be done but then ole biden said i'm through, let the kids have their fun YEeeaahh her name is harris she's the heiriss to the dems but we'll call kamala mamma when she wins in the end eLiZa! 144 3,492 53.3K 1.7M
Nick @n_c_l.15h I cannot stop laughing at this Together, we could go upstate. I've always wanted to go. What is up there 57 1,178 44.9K 879K
prom night dumpster baby 1d ... Michael better show up @RespectTheZoe 1d They want $250 for parking for the Janet Jackson show 175 5,486 40.7K del 1.7M
derek guy @dieworkwear.2 22h ... sometimes ppl ask why they got blocked and it's bc you posted something annoying so i looked i you up, found your address, went to your home, snuck inside, looked in your wardrobe, and didn't like what i saw 391 2,475 50.2K 850K
mr. sophisticated @trevorcru... .15h ... pizza Food Porn @FoodPornP... 15h What's the first word that comes to mind when you see this? 18 824 27.9K 638K
maz @mazOnTwt. 1d ... i i agree! AB @MyNameisABteam -1d hot take: water is a lame ass drink 120 13K 149K 2.1M
WBR @W_B_Rick.3h ... The swim team pulling up to school after an absolutely massive sectionals win 1B Cincinnati Bengals NFL 3h Guess who's back 21 838 23.9K 1M
no context memes @weird... 13h ... What if we kissed and On the coin operated corndog ride 64 1,048 13.4K 655K
caro @stylesgala 22h ... UNEMPLOYED FILM PORTES Film Updates @FilmUp... 22h Kevin Feige says there are no immediate plans for 'ETERNALS 2.' ... 9 880 23.5K 642K
Rodrick Heffley @HeffleyRod... 13h ... I can't have one ounce of fun without somebody on my ass about it. DIPER LÖDE Löded Diper @Real_Loded... 1d There is absolutely ZERO reasons for Rodrick to be doing this SHOW CASE SHOW CASE Global Globa SHOW Global Global CASE SHOW SHOW CASE CASE gettyimages Global George Pimentel Global SHOW CASE 2001 SHOW CASE CASE SHOW CASE Gle 138K del 2.1M 60 6,574
earthghostpurrp @EARTHGHO... . 1d ... Child Left Behind Woah Vicky @woahhvickyyy 1d Kalmia Harris is a which 123 13.3K 191K 4.5M
elana @elana_desantis - 1d the kamala abbott elementary cameo is gonna hit like obama era crack 26 3,587 70.4K del 1M
dan (regular user) @nomiddles... 5h ... cigs that don't count - cigs with a pint - cigs at a show - cigs abroad - cigs from a packet not in english 60 1,902 22.3K del 486K

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