51 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of July 1, 2024

Sorry you can’t see the divine!
51 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of July 1, 2024

It was a short workweek, but that didn’t stop the news from flowing. Straight out of an episode of Veep, Kamala Harris seems primed to laugh her way to the top of the presidential ticket. Of course, it’s purely speculation, but after her coworker Joe Biden had a less than favorable showing in his recent debate against former President Donald Trump, many were calling for the current president to step down from the race. In even more monumental news, J.J. Abrams’ landmark series Lost touched down on Netflix, and everyone is already arguing about the show like it’s 2010 all over again. At least we can all agree that one Always Sunny actor is clearly the best part of the series’ six-season run. 

Meanwhile, as all of the hot dogs and beer continue to make their way through your digestive tract, enjoy the tweets that cracked us up this week. The funniest included those about a proposed perk for food-service workers, a cat with taste and three words that beat “I love you” every single time.

kev @KEVINSJOURNAL.1d ... LMAOOO Are you on twitter? I think I saw your tweet the other day Imao OOP yes 1:21AM I'd treat you better than that toxic Latino Unless you like that then I'll get off my meds 169 2,437 62.9K 2.8M
Bob Golen @BobGolen 1d Murphy's Law is that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Cole's Law is sliced cabbage. 40 1,773 7,867 185K
Sir Fredward, the Some-Know... 4h ... the loan I took out to build my doomsday device has an insanely high interest rate but that won't matter if my plan works 4 48 443 13.2K
mew ikki @mewmewikki 1d ... The inside out characters inside of me... 31 5,137 36.4K 935K
axle @dattebayoun 16h ... how it feels to be told to do something you was already gonna do 92 9,255 81.9K 993K
Anti-Fascist Turtle @TheAntifa... 1d ... If scooby doo taught us one thing, its that the real monsters are Land owners and rich people 64 17.5K 122K 1.3M
gaz @Nyazsche.6h CHOOSE A PILL All songs get Bugs will do a silly a Primus little dance if you sing to them cover Become the Water is opposite sex, but now sound like Donald crunchy Duck All politicians have a I honestly don't 0.3% chance to know what this explode at any one does moment 1,438 2,028 18.2K 595K
anna livia @not_a_heather.1d one pro in the kamala argument is imagine hilary clinton living to see a woman president and its not her 402 6,057 87.4K del 5.1M
lemon @thatbitchlemon 1d ... always annoyed me that mario has wario and luigi waluigi but peach doesn't have a bad bitch slightly villainous counterpart :( 95 327 10.1K 357K
rob @SSRI_Binger 1d The fakest movie we've had in a long time Will they make history... or fake it? FLY ME TO THE MOON 135 407 14.7K 738K
Super 70s Sports @Super70... 1d ... I miss the days when the news smacked so goddamn hard Peter Jennings had to fire up a heater just to deliver that shit. BICNEWS LONDON 381 2,281 24.1K 990K
#1 @NaLyssaSmith 1d nah my knees look nuts bro = Indiana Fever @IndianaF... 1d a double-double day (12 PTS & 15 REB) for NaLyssa Smith in today's win Jour 22 Lee FEVER kT 1 force ANILES Wilson Phoenix 9 the UN 410 1,089 19.7K 907K
rayne fisher-quann @raynefq 1d ... whoever said this was initiating a 7DD psychological operation to end as many heterosexual relationships as possible gaia @gaialect 2d i forgot who said it first or who said it best but it's so true, how someone takes photos of you/captures your beauty and essence can speak volumes about how much love they... 28 1,714 34.5K 1.2M
islay // misty SOON AnthroCon @s.... 1d ... Staring at this rubberband like a sheltered elderly woman whose morning toast looks a bit too much like Jesus ASTER KOHLER 83 6,370 75.8K 778K
Adso Of Belk @AdsoOfBelk. 1d ... Bruh if you buy this they should kill you Save 55% 50 Roses $1.49 each Get 50 for $74.99 91 1,257 41.5K 2.3M
Ovrkast. @ovrkast. 1d ... yall ever meet a mediocre narcissist? Like the person is trash as fuck at what they do but have the biggest ego Imfao 122 809 4,024 del 171K
yash @dildoswagginzs• 7h the best thing about being alive is that sometimes there is a cat 34 5,727 20.1K 372K
cold @coldhealing 1d ... hinge opener: you, me, 5pm tuesday, low dose of acid, at the target chuck e cheese uniqlo target CHUCKE.CHEESE 28 UNI QLO 9 PO Let 25 22 148 4,231 145K
Nathan Arizona @SPIDERCRA... 1d ... Oh fuck no..... WHAT? HOW DID YOU THINK I WASHED THE DISHES? offthemark.com ©2015 MarkParisi Mark Parisi Dist @aol by Universal UClick com 5-5 PARIS! MARK 6 100 1,906 del 91.4K
HOURLY shitpost @h....1 12h ... quieres 180 itsy bitsy spider > Today 1:09 AM girl don't go up the spout again the rain's gonna come and wash u out Edited i won't you promise Read 1:09 AM yeah :) Today 3:11AM omgggg ur gonna hate meeeee 4 1,096 19K 437K
Dan Credentials @Char... 19h ... On Bluey, we know Dog Australia has a military because Rusty's dad is deployed in Dog Afghanistan. On the episode Grandad, Grandad mentions a trick he learned in the jungle to avoid detection. This implies that Chili's father served in Dog Vietnam. 21 129 2,104 57.7K
S @propaganda91.1d ... Charli @charli_xcx - 32min GAY RIGHTS! 226 2.361 10,8K del 175K CHARLI XCX UPDATES @Fc... 27min Charli XCX She's hacked Updates 24 31 415 17,8K 1 701 14K 183K
Dan Charnas @dancharnas 2d ... So... waiting for flight at JFK. I hear music. It's Rappers Delight. The sound gets louder and nearer. I look and see someone being pushed in a wheelchair, carrying a boombox on their lap. The wheelchair approaches. It's Tracy Morgan, grinning from ear to ear. And off he goes. 38 472 9,795 325K
charles wentworth @El_Rooste... 2d ... I bet the post DUI jail hangover is brutal 151 2,110 52.3K del 1.9M
SQUEAKY C. BANKS @Squea... 12h ... Need to smoke with her 6 237 1,819 35.3K
assbutt @nasboat. 4h I received a very important baseball card in the mail today. YANKEES OF GEORGE COSTANZA 3 23 433 14.5K
jaclyn @j_n_foster 2d before leaving on vacation it's very important to clean the entire house top to bottom so you can all be as mad at each other as possible by the time the road trip starts 64 1,892 50.7K 1.2M
George Civeris @georgeciveris 21h ... I am going to keep listening to Brat until I'm fully illiterate. 11 862 8,639 251K
doomer @uncledoomer 1d ... >first day on the job as a bottomless pit inspector >the pit has a bottom CNN CNN CNN 31 1,290 50.1K del 752K
Ivanâ Svukal-öt @tomcruis... 2d ... high as shit trying to spell chimpmunck 81 3,442 53.7K del 1.5M
Gonzalo @gunzpv 2d close enough, welcome back fifth harmony POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave.2d Bob The Drag Queen, Tokischa, Madonna, Arca & Sevdaliza look ethereal at #LadyLand in NYC last night. 68 7,323 73.8K 1.9M
Lillie @lillie_arghn - 3d ... Woke up at 3am to find my cat eating a slice of my pizza on my chest. The pizza was downstairs in the kitchen. Dragged it upstairs to eat it off my body. 463 6,314 93.4K 2.3M
derek guy @dieworkwear 19h ... i download people's european vacation photos and post them on Instagram as my own. legs and toes laying at a resort mostly look the same, as long as your skin color matches. someone left the cake out... 2d no offense but how do you all afford trips to Europe every other month 39 109 4,621 355K
dash is watching satc (s5) . th... 2d ... i've been playing animal crossing new horizons for the first time ever today.i thought it was a silly n fun game. why are loans and debt in this bitch? why did i i sign a mortgage created by a raccoon 33 352 6,036 129K
amanda @amandabb_.22 ... made protein pancakes this morning YAY... and then i took a bite TMZ 322 3,045 67.5K 1.8M
Jordan Grimes @cafedujord.22h ... Me every time a new supreme court decision comes out lately This is the worst Surpreme Court decision of my life A.P. D The worst Surpreme Court decision of your life *so far* 92 11.8K 82K 1.9M
one dozen rats at a keyboard 1d eleven out of twelve mcallisters: PUSTA 3 Simone Biles @Simone_... 1d WE ARE GOING то PARIS 23 2,131 28.7K del 1.8M
sucks @powerbottomdad1 .1d ... sunday 230pm: wow i really have the whole day ahead of me. anything is possible sunday 430pm: the day has slipped thru my fingers, any hope to be productive has faded to dust. i must retire to my quarters 22 6,119 93.8K del 1.7M
Sabrina @SEchouafni - 2d no I don't have astigmatism I can just see the halos of the angels that live in car headlights that you losers are too spiritually closed off to see 105 28K 150K 2.8M
d*niel @slayonetta 1d Looking like he's about to leave his wife and kid for Ariana Grande FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpd... 1d First look at Joseph Quinn in Ridley Scott's 'GLADIATOR 2.' vanityfair.com/hollywood/stor... FIRST VANITYFAR LOOK 5 270 6,956 310K
Addy @AddyAguilera 5h EAN el @faunary the fact that i'm at risk of seeing a 14 year old's opinion at any point during my day is a human rights violation 2:12 AM 8/31/20 - Twitter for iPad 6,637 Retweets 475 Quote Tweets 19.8K Likes nebula the secret of us 2d there is literally no way you knew JJ Abrams before Gracie unless ur like 50 like be for real x.com/ b4bylonlovers/... 50 259 4,915
navya @rlychillgirlie - hh sorry gairls HYUNDAI SORRY GAIRLS MY WIFE IS VERY STRICT 7 80 1,003 26.6K
the thicc husband & father @l... 2d ... waiters should be allowed to legally shoot one customer per day P @Pokeahontassss. 4d if you can't tip, don't eat out ...how bout if you can't afford to live off your own paycheck, get a different job. 141 3,038 44.9K 1.5M
@filmfae 20h i i wanted to watch a movie a day this year... i've watched 48 CC LIVE CNN BREAKING NEWS : CMN.com JORAN VAN DER SLOOT ADMITS TO KILLING ALABAMA TEENAGER NAT THE LEAD From Persona 3 Re:Mind 100 1,006 10.7K 359K
good reddit @GoodReddit - 1d ... r/AskReddit Join 1 u/dangandadingdong 16h Who actually died doing what they loved? 3,102 2,989 Commen... 1.3k oshawaguy 13h My buddy's father. Не died sitting in a lawn chair in the shade with a beer in his hand while watching kids play sandlot baseball across the street. Не just fell asleep and didn't wake up. Didn't even spill his beer. Reply 12.2k 73 1,510 63.1K 777K
emmy @emxlymarg.... 1h ... i love working at a thrift store because who the hell donated this 20 29 553 9,684
SheerCajunExcellence @jungl... 2d ... nothing id do but i think its impressive Thomas Ragon @ThomasR... 2d Richard Corben 3 224 5,112 156K
32 @qc7even.17h Direct De posit LisHa @ALisHBa_0056.1d 3 words better than I love you? 111 8,075 25.4K del 1.1M
wyatt dunkin @WyattDuncan 2d ... hoodie designers and steering wheel cover manufacturers when betty boop hits public domain in 2 years 30 5,466 86.3K 1.2M
erin chack @ErinChack·2 2d this feels important to share 12 209 3,791 139K


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