31 of the Funniest Tweets from Friday, May 31, 2024

What does Stephen have to do with it?
31 of the Funniest Tweets from Friday, May 31, 2024

While we’re unsure what Donald Trump’s guilty verdict will amount to in the end, the former president’s court loss garnered a reaction from pretty much everyone in Hollywood, including, of course, late-night host Jimmy Kimmel, who said that the jury spanked Trump “harder than Stormy did with that Forbes magazine.”

In other fallen men news, Jerry Seinfeld continues to push his fans to the brink. The comic went on yet another tirade recently, stating that he “misses dominant masculinity,” an archetype he neglected to include on Seinfeld. As with the Trump verdict, nearly all of humanity has weighed in on these comments, with one fan sharing his pet theory that Seinfeld’s role on the show was an inside joke that he never caught on to, noting it would “make no sense” for Jerry to be a genuine success. After seeing Unfrosted, it’s hard to disagree.

Believe it or not, there have been some hysterical tweets on the timeline that don’t involve presidential felons or the King of Nothing. Today’s funniest ones include those about medieval chefs, a cat that loves traps and a cultural victory for America.

Gentleman Doofus @GentleD... 20h ... It's wild how both parties managed to pick the worst possible candidates this year, astronomically worse than 2020, which was the exact same guys. 22 2,838 37.3K del 569K
Ms Hera. @_littlehuman_.1d How many chefs do you think were wrongfully executed in the medieval times because the King's food tester had a food allergy? 262 16.6K 128K 6.9M
( @haztyz - 1d my ex's tweet: i'm hungry my tweet: btches out here broke & starving 239 2,695 11.5K 444K
mycel @myceIium 12h she took off the costume she was wearing LonelyGoomba @LonelyG... 23h I wanna know the story behind this photograph DK 18 828 36.7K 486K
Dr Grayfang @DrGrayfang.2 20h ... III Google is guilty bad 15 2,393 34.3K 1.6M
derek guy @dieworkwear.19h 34 counts is how jerry seinfeld told teens he's in his early 30s 91 1,259 20.5K 803K
Cody @AltHistCody 14h ... Pokémon Go to the jail to Ken Klippenstein @ke... 20h brace yourselves, hillary is about to do the most cringe post imaginable 41 1,005 24.3K 618K
Dr Shrimp Puerto Rico @LadPsycho 1d infinity now wait bro are you bisexual like fr or is it just for twitter if u don't mind me asking 74 2.6K 27K 742K
- Kingpin Kent @_MCKENTON_. 1d ... Не posed to be in his apartment? b baby @bhritcv 1d Why is this deer just casually walking down the street????? 61 1.9K 14K 627K
Jos @URaBold1 16h ... This was literally me talking to the DMV lady on January 6. I checked my watch and she said you got somewhere to be? and I said they're storming the capitol. She said, TRENTON? Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. @clapifyoulike... . 17h Announcing the news to my bus stop like a town crier 54 1.3K 35K del 1.7M
harvee @SLASHERDANCE. 16h he said he's really enjoying it so far AFT SPIDER-AUAR 48 2.2K 22K 428K
с @ihyrave- 21h ... I wanna see you happy even if it's not with me is some shit you will never hear me say 3 553 2,842 68K
Dayo the Champagne Sociali... 21h ... The means need to stop living beneath me. KACHI @Kachidey4y.... 2d Are you living above your means? 39 5,034 14.2K 628K
angela wheezy @carpeangela.2 22h ... bake me a cake as fast as you can is an unhinged thing to say to someone 37 395 3,665 97.4K
BRANDON @kindmouseman.1 1d Manager hired a GAYER guy with a BIGGER nose... what game is he playing here 19 213 7,153 263K
bill @PFF_William 19h donald breaking the news to barron: griffin-style display name @GiantToilet I'll be honest with you- - Daddy might be getting the chair for this one. Yes, the belectric chair, exactly right Kitten 10:27 AM 4/12/24 From Earth 445 Views 1 Repost 21 Likes 2 328 5,922 143K
Elai @elaifresh 1d Just heard a French guy say c'est banger , America , cultural victory is so real 114 6,520 103K 3.3M
inspector ratchet @_hood_mon... 1d ... This website should close every day at 5 pm like a bank 29 372 3,917 81.1K
Roshan Patel @roshanpateI.2 22h ... I accidentally said time instead of bandwidth and my product manager took me into the break room and waterboarded me with lacroix 23 1,029 22.8K del 1.1M
julia @shrimpjulia 1d ... the partner who has to leave the bed first in the morning suffers so much 131 5,996 79.5K 4.5M
Owen Barcala @obarcala 1d ... There should be a rule that if you finish a big task at 3:30, you do not need to start a new one until the next day 27 463 9,216 del 153K
jor @wombpatrol 18h hacks is succession for gay people who also watched succession 24 934 7,554 281K
cheyene norah @onlyyagirl_.1d I hate time slick @dlicj as soon as one month ends another begins. no break. they are relentless 11 3,224 38K 657K
Nuke @megab00f 1d ... I'm listening... Hello pervert, | want to inform you about a very bad situation for you. However, you can benefit from it, if you will act wisely. 18 673 7,091 230K
Adam James @adamj_griff-16h You've gotta be f*cking kidding me... YOU MATCHED WITH JOHN ON 3/4/23 Hi Adam How's your day going Thu, Mar 9, 2023, 1:07PM Hi John! It's going well, just finishing up some work then gonna head to the gym for a quick break after lunch How's your day so far? + / Sent Today 10:04 AM It's good just left the gym now working. Any fun plans this weekend? 228 585 13.8K 1.5M
@r1v3rphoenix- 20h ... oh no girl u gon have to take this one up with god НА !! НА ? I need to vent... I killed someone yesterday in a hit and run 260 4,505 102K 2.4M
Curve @Curve125.19h This could have happened in Italy too. Stop lying. Dingers @ding3rs 20h Only in America could the first conviction of a president happen for a hush money payment to a porn star. Wouldn't want it any other way 54 1,406 25.3K 831K
Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw•1 16h ... some McDonald's manager in west palm beach is probably dealing the most insane order they've ever received in their life rn 9 47 708 26.9K
Fran @whingewine 1d ... I present to you... Gran Stephen Things Admin Group expert ... Though this is bad it is a very small issue in the gran stephen things 3h 2 Like Reply 125 1,897 31.4K 1.6M
Ben Siemon @BenjaminJS.22h ... Does she write a letter of support for the murderer? @Discu... 22h 4F DiscussingFilm Mila Kunis has been cast in 'KNIVES OUT 3' (Source: Deadline) Wake Hp Dead Man A Knives Out Mystery 20 980 17.1K 315K
Sydney @CountVolpe 22h ... Having a job is really getting in the way of watching every movie ever 48 2,568 16.6K del 608K


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