38 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, May 22, 2024

He can kiss that wall goodbye
38 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Michaela Coel knows when enough is enough. After ending her Emmy-winning black comedy I May Destroy You, there were talks of Coel working on a follow-up show with links to the original series. But last week, executive producer Phil Clarke told Deadline that Coel “rightly decided there wasn’t much more to say.”

Meanwhile, Ayo Edebiri has more to say about her “beef” with Jennifer Lopez. Prior to Edebiri and Lopez appearing on SNL, an old podcast resurfaced in which The Bear actress had some choice words about the singer. The sound bite went viral, and with it, gossip spread that tensions were high at 30 Rock. But in a recent interview with Vanity Fair, Edebiri put the rumors to rest, noting the power imbalance between the two and likening the potential beef to one between “Mr. Bean and Mick Jagger,” with herself being the former. She went on to say that Lopez was “very chill and nice about it.”

The timeline always has something to say, and for that, we’re grateful, because it’s usually funny as hell. Today’s most hilarious tweets include those about the sheer panic of your girlfriend using power tools, the cyclical nature of spending $20 and the wing restaurant on its last leg.

slim riggins @rigginsslim 22h ... every pet owner has a foundational nickname from which 58 other names ripple outwards. the sourdough starter name 290 2,263 22.5K del 796K
Rhadijah + @gwenisonli.... 1d ... microplastics would be such a good name for a child you could call him mike for short 17 895 9,002 327K
Aidan @aidanthereup 5h ... When she's doing the Cars 4 soundtrack Pop Base @PopBase. 5h Katy Perry teases new era with new profile picture. 35 873 26.2K 746K
amber @dumbamber 1d ... a minute can change everything Hi Neighbour Stan @pomegra... 51m ... When is life gonna stop kicking my fweaken ass 4 del 20 Hi Neighbour Stan @pomegra... 50m ... Just had Pepsi :D 2 del 21 11 1,393 9,717 del 200K
chase @_chase 17h ... you need to live in the moment!!!! ok well this is a phone moment 4 736 9,099 du 296K
chase. @cfree94.1d ... damn I love the way your mind works aww i love you too! Read 4:46 PM nope not what i said + iMessage 23 882 18K 476K
Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred - 1 1d ... Any time I meet someone under 5'3, I mentally prepare myself to answer a riddle. 83 1,499 15.4K 1.2M
jimothy @jameswilsons. 1d twin peaks' sheriff office W the laura palmer case paddle @ipaddlearound. 1d it never ends 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 o 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 20 19 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 I wild goose chase all-day investigate red herring 6:00 AM 10:00AM Fool's errand 10:00AM House of Fools 12:00PM break for lunch 12:00PM 1:00PM waste time 1:00PM T... 15 2,087 18.8K 793K
Patrick @audiohymn.1 19h ... I'm at work until 9 and my girlfriend just called me up asking how to put a bit in my drill so she can drill a hole. A deep, ice cold panic just flushed through my entire body 281 4,536 138K 8.8M
lil arab @sweatyhairy 23h ... i know his ass HATES spider-man John Stewart Green Lantern 1d found a guy CB 746K 0:13 226 10.8K 137K 4.1M
little miss can't be wrong @al... 16h ... helped a lost child in the park today for the first time and yay he is safe and sound, but i need to work on my tone W children because when he approached and asked if i could help him i said, sure what's up? 138 1,103 52K del 1M
McDad @mcdadstuff. dd When you finally figure out what movie you want to watch and it's not available on any of your 37 streaming services 109 5,482 59.1K 1.3M
skin destroyer @gloomingly 11h being paranoid is so much fun. They're going to get me 25 1,892 10.1K 247K
Eoin Daly @eoinmauricedaly-2 21h - The 7 year old referred to some minor drama at school as having 'almost caused world war one one one', which I think is a beautiful example of saying something you've only ever read and never heard 22 520 17.1K 232K
steph @eff_yeah_steph 20h ... Stuff the woman sitting in front of me has googled in class today: Henry Cavill Clam chowder New England clam chowder Where is New England Old England Henry Cavill 147 577 19K 443K
Luka Donthičć @landahoy14.1d ... why do you think you'll always see them later (brain) worm buxx @kaytet... . 2d So today I found out that alligators are immortal. Together with crocodiles, they have no finite lifespan. They live and grow unless they are affected by a disease, accident, or another predator. This quality, scientifically known as negligible senescence, means that crocodiles and alligators don't die because of old age. That doesn't mean they are immortal. 30 2,871 25.8K 923K
nneka. @_KissAndBlush - 20h ... l'll never forget when I was cuddling with a guy and his heart was beating super weird. I joked and said, I hope you not nervous, your heart beating fast. Не replied, No, I have a heart murmur. We sat in silence the rest of the night. 88 1,249 17.9K du 680K
Hot tub crime machine Skynet 1d ... SK I went for a run this morning shirtless Wife pulls up and yells put on a shirt you dirty whore then speeds off To the bewilderment of onlookers who came over to comfort me 100 1,121 25.3K 390K
Kayla Ancrum @KaylaAncr... 1d ... If I ever got turned into a horse, I would kick so much stuff with zeal that they would have to put me down in under 48 hrs. 12 1,843 13.4K 408K
eli @biruboya 1d convincing my friends to come out like R U COMING Bae collins EVERYDAY GOOD MOOD pspsppsp Delivered 146 2,935 37.5K 1.2M
kk @cutiegurlk8.1d ... making my cat feel single as fuck 9 281 6,367 128K
I Think You Should Parent ... ... 22h ... Dexerto @Dexerto.1 1d Wendy's has added a 50-piece nugget to their Vendy menu 22 2,890 39.9K 3.3M
Grip Bayless @talleyberr... 1d ... he is having a baby jonathan @wwwdotjondotc... ...1d guy i have a first date scheduled with tomorrow just asked me to raincheck until after his upcoming 7 week trip THE DON 8 1,823 14.6K 449K
CalQuin @GimmieABeat 1d ... Ain't no summer vacation. You just keep going. ng Keabetswe @akreana_ .3d What about adulthood has traumatized you ? 112 19.1K 115K 3.2M
Tina Sieben @wnbawife 10h ... Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won't do it again. And then would u believe 4 985 8,241 190K
amelia elizalde @ameliaelizalde. 1d ... i have a really special relationship with my mechanic Wendell where i i tell him about the different sounds my car makes and he says you have to stop driving that car and i say come on Wendell! and then i keep driving it 8 172 6,243 du 106K
friggin french @frigginfrench . 20h ... my apartment complex is a gated community where the gate has been broken for 5 months, but they've now started DNA testing dog shit to bill residents if they don't pick up said shit. how do we have money to DNA test dog shit but not to fix the gate riddle me that 62 993 18.8K del 298K
MODEST MOUSE Axe @westernunion2k-1d My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart 137 1,082 14.2K 780K
Brian Floyd @BrianMFloyd 1d ... - .. - everyone get in we're bankrupting a wing T 0 0 company KTLA KTLA @KTLA. 1d 5 Buffalo Wild Wings offering all-you- can-eat wings and fries deal for limited-time trib.al/CkKKMpC 43 1,513 16K 1.2M
Joseph S. Pete @nwi_jsp 14h ... Tell Shel Silverstein I found it SIDEWALK ENDS 4 198 4,055 59.7K
Dread Singles @hottestsingles 20h ... story about a chef who wants to be a serial killer but is so bad at it because they can't stop saying BEHIND YOU and CORNER 39 557 6,290 del 181K
Mr. Ain't Goin @Legendary_JT.4h ... Tells Follow @girlthatsTELL It's me missing my flight 9:11 PM 14 Jul 22 2 Likes Tells @girlthatsTELL.23h Unpopular opinion: you don't need to be at nobodies airport 2 hours before your flight 84 1,333 5,299 177K
odradek @saturnalreturn - 16h  is such a passive-aggressive writing convention. as if to say look, I would never have spelled this so idiotically. *this* stupid motherfucker, however... 25 1,346 15.5K 380K
mrs papaw @mrsballs69 17h oz .. - Chekhov was so real for this What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself. - Anton Chekhov, 1860- 1904, Russian writer 9 2,068 13.4K 314K
Vegetal Puppet @kuwabarbara·19h ... not now honey mommy's tweaking 13 3,031 17.3K 469K
Ingrid Bergman Fan @MITSKIS... 1d ... Emma Stone's baby is gonna think Yorgos is her dad 9 691 14.5K 416K
Adam @YSylon 1 1 19h Clown:  Driving instructor: just use the horn on the steering wheel, please 8 364 4,053 158K
van haley @vanhaley_yt. 23h hey! sorry i didnt get back to u. i havent formed a thought in 6 days. 15 8,556 41.3K del 1M


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