41 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, May 13, 2024

‘and coconut’
41 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, May 13, 2024

If you mess with the Mouse, you get the ears — or the entire suite of lawyers at the Mouse’s disposal. Disney and Marvel Studios are fed up with anonymous accounts sharing “exclusive” leaks that may or may not be real. In the case of unauthorized first looks of Anthony Mackie in the next Captain America installment, the leak was very real as evident by the DMCA takedown issued by the company. If they’re successful in tracking down those responsible for “unauthorized posting” of Falcon taking on the Captain America shield, a larger, more damaging lawsuit is likely to follow — one that would likely hinder an entire ecosystem of social media. 

Meanwhile, everyone and their mother is blaming Donald Glover for holding up production on Peacock’s Community: The Movie. But the rapper-actor-boba-shop-owner wants you to know he is not to blame — this time at least. Back in March, co-star Joel McHale told Deadline that the movie will shoot “this year,” and the cast and crew are “basically working around Donald’s schedule.” Yet, while supporting Mr. & Mrs. Smith in the thick of its Emmy campaign, Glover insisted that he is no longer the reason Greendale Community College’s doors haven’t been reopened. Or as he himself told Deadline, “Everybody is hating on me on the internet and it’s not me. Maybe I was last year — maybe — but not this time.” 

With Glover shirking responsibility, it looks like the gang will have to find another scapegoat: Things aren’t looking too good for you, Ken Jeong.

Nobody’s waiting around to deliver the funny on the timeline, however. And so, we’ve got a new batch of hysterical tweets to start the week. Today’s funniest include those about the unparalleled pain of your friend’s ugly dog, an idea for mandatory unemployment and a suspicious passage of time.

Why you should have a cat @S... . 2h ... hallandoates1970topresent S'abonner he looks like someone cursed a Chinese emperor into being a cat for 1000 years 49 1,339 12.5K 275K
Neena Jha @DrNeenaJha 1d ... Attempting to play football in the park with my kids when a random boy shouts out your mum isn't very good at football... My kids responses? Kid 1: She's trying her best & she's never had a football lesson in her life! Kid 2: (loudly) And she's on her period!! 574 1,531 40.9K 1M
Rič. t @ihvamps 22h how i feel when i forget my lip balm at home 34 4,481 27.6K 527K
nim @misosoupgf · 1d ... i'll forgive anybody idgaf. #Catholic 33 3,332 16.1K du 561K
e. @_eelou 2d ... cinderella was doing all that cooking and she didn't think to poison one meal? she wasn't serious about her freedom Orcabi @orcabi_.6d Disney Princess slander??? Let's have it please 120 11.3K 85.2K 2.1M
Jhonny ** @JhonnyWhite69-18h ... when you smoking wit your homie and he start rapping 190 3,720 31.1K 1.2M
@funkysoupboy- 23h ... his curious ass always asking questions Do I Wanna Know? ... Arctic Monkeys R U Mine? ... Arctic Monkeys Why'd You Only Call Me When You'... ... Arctic Monkeys 155 16.9K 161K 3M
octave @curtofranklin12h ... i love getting to the end of IKEA instructions when it's like ok now attach it to the wall so it won't fall and kill anybody and then i safely toss the instructions in the trash 28 706 16.1K 448K
amanda @THECOOLISSUE.1 1d i love hypochondriac bitches like yesss girl these symptoms ARE strange!! let's look it up 46 2,066 18.3K 720K
kc @powcampsurvivor - 1d there was actually a pretty famous carpenter who performed miracles Figen @TheFigen_ 1d Even though a good carpenter cannot create miracles, he can do miraculous things. ها 170K 2.2K 565 22.6K 259K 8M
alex @turntineforwhat 18h got a five pack of mini mason jars at dollar tree omg I can't wait for someone to ask if I have ibuprofen 2 3,583 99K du 2.1M
Jared @b1g_damage 15h ... Dr Pepper is good for your gut biome it's like kombucha 9 416 2,887 73.1K
Mr. Chau @Srirachachau 18h Deserves the fame abc ABC7 Eyewitness News 1d A photo of what appears to be a happy - and smiling - black bear looking over Pasadena has become a hit on social media. abc7.la/4dtxi4u JOHANNA TURNER abc PHOTO OF 'SMILING' BEAR NEAR PASADENA BECOMES SOCIAL MEDIA SENSATION 20 1,405 30.1K del 1.2M
L HOURLY shitpost @h... .11h ... quieres Poot @goochivore 12m Omg i ate 5 bananas today WTF 2 2 Banna number 6 @WhatJaneSaw4.9m Im so nervous. 2 p 71 6,560 104K 2M
Ben Mekler @benmekler. 12h ... 4 NBC New York NEW YORK @NBCN... . 14h Steve Buscemi was reportedly punched in the face last week in a random attack on a Manhattan street, law enforcement sources sai... 7 925 15.7K 626K
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer- 1d ... As a Mother's Day gift my husband took me on a quick getaway with 2 of our 7 kids because 5 of them had to work (they are adults) and I just found out the two that are with me have been relentlessly texting the others saying, Told you she has favorites, bitches. 105 1,152 29.2K 600K
Dr. Frizzle @Swilua 18h ... my 1st baby was IVF so it was a BIG SURPRISE when I found myself pregnant a year later & while pregnant I dreamed an alien came & said I just wanted to tell you, we artificially inseminated you, that's how this happened & I was like omg finally an explanation that makes sense 28 329 16.5K 198K
FMJ hug chungus @thedarkprowler.1 1d ... this is what italians tell you newark was like before they let minorities live there sine slayworldalbania @slaywo... 1d Newark, NJ 29 0:04 56 2,620 44.4K 2.3M
@labyerenth 16h ... When u go to ur friends house & their dog is ugly 28 452 4,075 del 106K
breathing exercises guy @Asc... 6h ... eveey couple years u should be unemployed for like 2-3 months 5 71 793 23.5K
beth @bethbourdon 21h aw fuck here we go 11:03 Edit Messages thanks for birthing me into capitalism The Daughter 39 266 8,803 198K
the information pimp @BirdR... 13h ... this is a waste of spray paint. the truck is going to break down before anyone even sees your hard work LeGate @williamlegate. dd cyber truck owners are complaining of vandalism due to the Tesla brand now being intrinsically tied to Elon's negativity & bullshit. RIGON FUCHYOU 17 280 4,212 89.3K
Rabia @GGurldesigns.1 1d Thanks dad? Dad 8:28 PM ? 8:28 PM 4 UNREAD MESSAGES Dad Restaurant 8:28 PM Where we went today 8:29 PM Without you 8:29 PM 107 3,760 58.1K 1M
Hayley McMahon, MSPH, CPH 12h ... Took my ADHD meds and drank a large iced coffee to try to knock out the introduction and methods section of this manuscript and instead just came out of a 90 minute adderall hyperfocus trance where I was in Canva creating a UFO- themed abortion sticker ALT 25 105 2,851 56.5K
Sorcha Ní Nia @Luiseach· 2h the 'and coconut' is making me snort loudly in public, 10/10 no notes gaut @0xgaut. 18h Al is going great food names end with um All Images Forums Shopping Videos News Al overviews are experimental. Learn more ... Here are some fruit names that end with um: Applum, Bananum, Strawberrum, Tomatum, and Coconut. 7 101 952 33.9K
tomi @scrungeonmaster- 14h ... this flavor is so flames. but i hate james. Nutribor BREJERRY'S Valeur TO DIE Per34 outh The pour 34 km Tonight BITCH!! Calories I Dough Fat / Upide31 Saturated # jimmy fallon + Tan ml Carbohyho и Fibre en FAIRTRADE Super Scol Cheesy Protein F e Calciun M a Iral H 473 mL Cormes adidas pite de páte de glacées biscuits tourbillons biscuits au caramel aux au grains de beurre biscuits et de au d'arachide chocolat chocolat au chocolat, et Bar 131 2,162 33.8K 730K
Lesilo Rula @kay_mahapa 21h It was just Friday 2 hours ago! We are being scammed here 39 10.7K 49.3K 1.4M
No Context Brits @NoCont... 15h ... I love foreign language films. ( Speaking Penguinese ) 25 533 6,477 del 276K
gjörk @mixedfruit_.17h Do NOT let me into ur restroom!! Imma google ur prescriptions and find out what's really goin on 21 686 7,612 279K
Hannah Rose Woods @hannah... 5h ... I would personally have rephrased this Chelsea flower show Hosts garden designed to help torture survivors 2h ago 26 212 1,756 del 77.9K
8. @ritaflora_ 14h Babies are SOOOOO nosey considering they can't read Keke Palmer @KekePal... 18h The epitome of who's texting us Thim STANDPIPE CONNECTIO GGDB 39 4,953 46.4K 1.1M
zanyfen @zanyfen 15h normal fish vegan fish ingredients: ingredients: -mercury - plastic 27 2,114 34.8K 431K
Keefler @Keefler_Elf-16h making hamburger helper in here >>> View Porn @interiorvilla1.2d Kitchen goals. 4 139 2,386 77.1K
Haus of Decline @hausofdecli...14h ... Well, I didn't have imposter syndrome. Turns out I just sucked at my job and I was accurately appraising my performance. 26 1,286 20.5K 570K
gaut @0xgaut.19h Al is going great food names end with um All Images Forums Shopping Videos News Al overviews are experimental. Learn more ... Here are some fruit names that end with um: Applum, Bananum, Strawberrum, Tomatum, and Coconut. ٨ 114 793 11.9K 744K
Jasmine('s boobs hurt) @Ranti... 1d ... Times have really changed. About 200 years ago, if the sun was blocked out and then a month later the sky turned into a rainbow, we'd be sacrificing lambs and burning witches rn, but we can't do that anymore because of woke 27 2,502 25.9K 399K
caleb @flowerboycaleb - 1 1d ... i love how whenever Bob Dylan writes a breakup song u can tell he's the one in the wrong 49 1,111 20.7K del 1M
Kayla Night @luv2read13.21h my work phone number used to be someone else's personal number so I've been silently learning about her life for the past 8 months and this takes the cake for Texts I Have Accidentally Received Text Message Tue, Mar 19 at 10:06AM Good morning, everyone This group was created to ensure that messages and concerns get to everyone involved with Baby J and school. 1st. Order of business, per Baby Js teàcher via Keith, Baby J is no longer permitted to bring his Michael Jackson hat to school because when he brings the hat, he does not
village idiot @jimtropolis 23h i need this thing out of my house 23 53 2,474 56.7K
val @helloemama 10h Yesterday 2:12 PM Don't contact me Since I'm a freak Today 12:49 AM Can we talk 15 341 2,976 59K
katie @katefeetie 16h ... put a fried egg on my croque monsieur to make it a croque madame and now jk rowling is outside my house yelling 141 7,295 55.4K du 1.2M


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