30 of the Wildest Things People Overheard While Pretending to Be Asleep
‘Should we tell him that we’re married?’
![30 of the Wildest Things People Overheard While Pretending to Be Asleep](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/1/3/1077313_320x180.jpg)
You can learn a lot when you’re pretending to be asleep. One Redditor found out that their dad was a hitman for the mob while eavesdropping on a conversation, and another listened in as their neighbor walked through their house with some friends while pointing out how easy it would be to rob them — which, given these details, seems like a fair assessment.
Other Redditors have recalled the things they weren’t supposed to overhear, and one guy’s friends had a plan for his CPAP machine that we’re very curious about.
![underpar86 в 4y ago Freshman college roommate watching porn on his laptop wearing headphones, humping his mattress like there's no tomorrow. 7.7K Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/6/1077036.jpg)
![Mecclt 4y ago My roommate's one night stand dismount because his dick was hitting her bladder and she waddled off for a piss before getting back on top. 3.6K Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/7/1077037.jpg)
![radioactive_koala . 4y ago 'no wonder people at school think he's gay' - my step mum 24K Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/0/1077030.jpg)
![Friendly_egg 4y ago My family were staying at a friends house and had to share a room. My dad comes to bed hammered and says to my mum something along the lines of does it impress you that I'm this drunk and can still perform. I actually wanted to die 27K Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/9/1077029.jpg)
![3-methylbutylacetate 4y ago My grandparents won $10000 at the casino, and they told all of their children (and presumably gave them some of that money) except my dad. My dad is a dick so I didn't tell him either. Share 8K ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/3/1077033.jpg)
![ClumsyValkyrie 4y ago I was a camp counselor... two girls very much liked to make hot or not lists. One of them suggested a male counselor was hot, and the other said he was saying mean things about me behind my back, which made him not hot. Hurt to hear that from my campers, but glad they supported me. 31K Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/2/1077032.jpg)
![bodymeat_112 . 4y ago My friends talking about going into my wallet later and steal my money, and then leave before I notice, I kicked them out 19K Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/1/1077031.jpg)
![anonymous_DoDoBeDoDo . 4y ago Probably the funniest was on a camping trip with the boys. I have sleep apnea and use a cpap machine. I overheard a couple of my mates talking about smoking a joint and hotboxing me through the air intake of my cpap machine. Share 13K ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/4/1077034.jpg)
![YaBoiStego 4y ago When I was a kid, I used to be scared of monsters or something creeping up on me in my sleep, so I would always ask my dad to check on me before he went to bed. It made me feel more comfortable. One night, I was still awake when I heard him coming up the stairs, and I wasn't supposed to be awake and knew I would get in trouble if he saw me, so I pretended to be asleep. Не came in to my room and just kinda stared at me for a few seconds,](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/8/1077038.jpg)
![Runs_N_Goses 4y ago My mom and aunt talking, thinking 10 year old me was asleep. Aunt, Little Runs_N_Goses is so cute. Mom, No, he's not very good looking at all. Share 19K ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/5/1077035.jpg)
![Astraltimecrunch в 5mo ago My friend's brother and his girlfriend arguing at 9am over whether or not a bagel should be microwaved or put in a toaster. She was adamant on the microwave and I just couldn't believe it. 14 Reply Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/7/1077027.jpg)
![jaquellin . 5mo ago A close friend's parents discussing the asset split in their upcoming divorce that they hadn't yet made known to anyone (including their son, my friend) 6 Reply Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/8/1077028.jpg)
![ProgrammaticallySale G 5mo ago I was in the back seat, two female friends in the front seats (had huge crush on both, but in the friendzone) - they thought I was asleep and they started talking about their pubic hair, how they trim it, and all kinds of things that made my head spin. Reply Share 16 ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/6/1077026.jpg)
![angelsandairwaves93 5mo ago I was staying overnight at a cousin's house. I had brought my PS2 so we could game together. My cousin also had a PS2. I was on the top bunk when his mother, my aunt, was in his room. She saw my PS2 there and said to her son use their PS2 so theirs breaks and yours doesn't break It was so jarring to hear someone be so selfish. For context, this is an aunt that's fake nice when you speak to her face to face. Haven't trusted her since that day. 17 Reply Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/3/1077023.jpg)
![black_panther19... в 3y ago . Edited 3y ago I was 12 and my dad (Single Dad) telling his so called 'Friend' (Female) who was at the time living with us, Should we tell him that we are married? 620 Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/5/1077025.jpg)
![Quazeroigma_5610 . 5mo ago I heard my brother say Beating my Cock to him. When I heard that I immediately look at his direction and saw him actually beating a cooked fried chicken. Share 194 Reply ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/2/1077022.jpg)
![The_Quiche_Niche . 5mo ago Overheard my mom on the phone with my dad discovering how to kill their newly discovered pubic lice 39 Reply Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/4/1077024.jpg)
![JohnnyCoolbreeze . 5mo ago I was in boot camp after lights out and one of my bunk mates starts rattling off the recipe for chocolate chip cookies in his sleep. Не kept saying '# cups of all- purpose flour.' 127 Reply Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/1/1077021.jpg)
![krakenlackn e 5mo ago My cousin telling my sister that she popped a pimple on her butt. We were like 11 and they both thought it was the funniest thing. 18 Reply Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/0/1077020.jpg)
![Inside-Kindly © 5mo ago Hey do you think he'll notice if I take his last piece of bologna. Then me yawning pretending to wake up. 2 min later go get me a bologna sandwich. 9.4K Share Rep ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/1/6/1077016.jpg)
![mattthepianoman 5mo ago My daughter explaining to our cat and non existent dogs that they have to all be super quiet because daddy's very tired, and if they made a noise she'd lock them in her dungeon with the mean boys. 13K Share Reply ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/1/1/1077011.jpg)
![Drewtendo_64 . 5mo ago I am very gassy in my sleep so I overheard my wife talking to our cat: Sometimes he toots really loud before a poop comes out To which our cat meowed back Share 12K Reply ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/1/0/1077010.jpg)
![Kicks4meFromyou в 5mo ago My cousin fucking the shit out of our cousin. Later on in life I found out we weren't really related, our moms were just friends for a long time. Still weirds me out though 4.7K Share Rep ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/1/9/1077019.jpg)
![BigRedCowboy 4y ago When I was a kid, I was pretending to sleep in the car. I was in the backseat, next to my older sister. I was probably six or seven, so she would have been around 13. She let out a raunchy, all windows down, gag the rest of the car sort of fart. It was loud, but we were both in the back. She immediately blames it on me farting in my sleep. The whole car laughs and rolls down their windows, and I stayed asleep. No one to this day knows that it was her, and](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/1/3/1077013.jpg)
![glitterBOOTIE 4y ago Hmm. I was called fuckmeat by a girl. 3.2K Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/1/5/1077015.jpg)
![f4te 4y ago parents discussing the gift that Santa had got for me for Christmas 3.2K Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/1/2/1077012.jpg)
![enigmagain 4y ago Neighbor guy walking through the house with a couple of his friends showing them how we leave stuff laying around all the time and it was easy to steal things from us without us knowing. 1.3K Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/0/9/1077009.jpg)
![SafetyDancelnMyPants 5mo ago I heard a teenager's whole life story - including every stint in juvie - while pretending to be asleep on a train from Carbondale to Chicago. I thought falling asleep would get him to stop talking to me. It did not. 3.9K Rep Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/1/8/1077018.jpg)
![marabou22 e 4y ago . Edited 4y ago My roommate telling my other roommate that I watch BDSM porn. Weird thing is... I have no idea how he knew I watch bdsm porn. 277 Share ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/1/7/1077017.jpg)
![dasjozef 5mo ago That my father confessed he went to prison for killing some guy. Не was talking to my uncle and said You know X. I shot his father. I knew he'd spent a good time in prison before I was born but didn't know the story behind it. Turns out he was working for some mobsters and doing their dirty work. I've never ever liked my father and I can see now. Wherever he goes, the stench of death follows. Share 6 Reply ...](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/1/4/1077014.jpg)