45 Wild, But Logical Real-World Speculations About Fictional Characters
Canon be darned!
![45 Wild, But Logical Real-World Speculations About Fictional Characters](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/2/1/1070321_320x180.jpg)
George R.R. Martin can while away the decades spinning dramatic and intricate backstories for every last peasant in Winterfell. But what people really want to know is: which characters would thrive on modern dating shows, and what the DSM-5 would have to say about the psychopaths he’s dreamed up. Luckily, we’ve got that covered below.
Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Archer Lana Kane Lana is qualified for physical globetrotting competitions like The Amazing Race, seduction competitions like The Bachelor, or shows about deception like The Mole. Get her to sign up! CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/1/1/1070411.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows The Evil Dead Ash Williams Ash can charm anyone on dating shows and be a wiseass in the house, and is an actual survivor on top of that. Hail to the king, baby. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/1/0/1070410.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows The Muppets The Swedish Chef Just imagine him on cooking competitions like Master Chef or Chopped, with the judges not only wondering what they're eating, but also what the Chef is saying. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/0/9/1070409.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Killing Eve Villanelle Villanelle's sociopathy and gifted mimicry would make excellent TV for Big Brother-type shows, and her assassin skills would make her an amazing competitor for The Amazing Race or American Ninja Warrior, among other competition shows. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/0/8/1070408.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows The Tick The Tick Nigh-invulnerable, charming, annoying to the right people, Tick would be perfect for physical challenges and being the odd roommate in a reality competition household. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/0/7/1070407.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Street Fighter Sakura Kasugano Reality shows need the sweet, cute one but also a badass, so put her in physical competitions and watch her soar both as a competitor and as a fan favorite. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/0/6/1070406.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Family Guy Stewie Griffin Stewie loves to gossip and is ultra competitive, making him a great candidate for a wide assortment of reality competitions. Plus, seeing what gadget he would create to overcome obstacles will make for great TV. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/0/5/1070405.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Ted Lasso Roy Kent He'd be a fun celebrity entrant whether as a potential suitor on a dating show, being forced to manage his anger while living in a house with nonces, or trying to survive the outdoors with his cold demeanor yet warm heart. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/0/4/1070404.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Parks and Recreation Ron Swanson An expert craftsman for various building competition shows, a natural outdoorsman for Survivor or Naked and Afraid, and a crank for all the young, vapid people on Big Brother. He'd be miserable, but he'd be great TV. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/9/9/1070399.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows DC Comics Plastic Man A wacky x-factor in any competition show, he can create chaos with his physicality and charming comedy chops. Plus, he's the textbook annoying one in every Real World-style show. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/0/3/1070403.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows The Good Place Jason Mendoza Jason is the nice, dumb wildcard that will entertain viewers of The Circle, Love is Blind, or damn near anything, because he'll just go for it. Sometimes that's all a show needs, and this guy really goes for it in The Bad Place of all places. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/9/4/1070394.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows The Sandman Desire Stirring up trouble is Desire's main thing. Not only would they thrive on Big Brother, RuPaul's Drag Race, and The Circle with their ability to gossip and create infighting, but they could easily manipulate people to get to the top of Survivor and other competitive shows. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/0/1/1070401.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Harry Potter Hermione Granger Put her in Master Chef Jr. or some other competition show to let her show her overachiever streak. Plus, if she's a sore loser, she can turn someone into a frog or something. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/0/2/1070402.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Marvel She-Hulk Great for physical reality competition shows, a great subject for a dating show, and she already knows how to talk to camera to share her inner thoughts. She's perfect for this medium. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/0/0/1070400.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows DC Comics Detective Chimp Everything's better with a talking ape in it, especially any reality competition show that allows Detective Chimp to show off his detecting skills while being off-putting to his teammates. Put him on The Mole and watch him work. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/9/7/1070397.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Celeste Madeline Anyone who can jump their way up an icy mountain top will do well on The Amazing Race. Also, she'd be good at showing her vulnerability during confessionals on other reality TV shows. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/9/6/1070396.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Pokémon Ditto Ditto can be anything and anyone, making them perfect for The Mole and such shows that require deception. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/9/2/1070392.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Charlie Kelly Charlie would be interesting to follow on dating shows or any reality competition programs due to this sweet yet unstable nature. Wildcard, bitches! CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/9/8/1070398.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows The Last of Us Ellie Williams Who else would win Survivor or other extreme reality competitions than someone who is a literal survivor? Ellie can make all the competitors eat her dust (or get eaten by the Infected). CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/9/5/1070395.jpg)
![Characters who would kill it on reality shows Game of Thrones Cersei Lannister Game of Thrones was basically Survivor with a medieval motif. Cersei would be excellent for other reality competition shows, given her ability to make/break alliances and stir up gossip. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/9/3/1070393.jpg)
![RADAGAST THE BROWN Excessive mushroom intake Flashbacks Visual distortions Keeps animals CONDITION Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder with animal hoarding tendencies CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/8/1/1070381.jpg)
![ECCENTRIC HO TENDENCIES Youe BIZARRE FASHION CHOICES BELIEF IN SPECIAL POWERS РНОЕВЕ HAS SCHIZOTYPAL PERSONALITY DISORDER CAUSED BY HER TRAUMATIC CHILDHOOD. GRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/8/6/1070386.jpg)
![CRACKED COM the office SUFFERING FROM FATIGUE, TIREDNESS, DEPRESSION, AND HAIR LOSS, IT SEEMS OBVIOUS THAT TOBY FLENDERSON IS SUFFERING FROM A CASE OF VITAMIN D DEFICIENCY.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/8/0/1070380.jpg)
![45 Wild, But Logical Real-World Speculations About Fictional Characters](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/7/7/1070377.gif)
![CRACKED.COM Swollen nose. Hyperactivity. Euphoria. MARIO IS SUFFERING FROM COCAINE ADDICTION.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/9/0/1070390.jpg)
![SpongeBob actually has signs of Williams syndrome, which include: Outgoing personality and excessive interest in other people. NTS Intellectual disabilities. Widely spaced teeth. A wide mouth and full cheeks. CRACKED COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/7/9/1070379.jpg)
![Despite constant mistreatment, Smithers, on The Simpsons, is utterly devoted to Mr. Burns and can't cope without him. Smithers could well have Stockholm Syndrome. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/7/3/1070373.jpg)
![Hermione Granger probably has obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. She's obsessed with rules, details, and order; an extreme perfectionist; blows off friends and social activities so she can work; and has an inflexible sense of morality she tries to impose on others. This isn't the same as OCD. People with OCD know they have it and want to change, but people with OCPD think they're fine and everyone else is wrong. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/8/3/1070383.jpg)
![CRACKED.COM Chris Traeger from Parks and Recreation has orthorexia, an eating disorder that makes a person overly concerned about the health benefits of the food they eat.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/7/2/1070372.jpg)
![Tony Stark is on the psychopathy spectrum. Не gets bored easily, takes risks often, is pretty impulsive, shows an inflated sense of self-worth, remorselessly manipulates people when he thinks he needs to, and has a tendency to avoid responsibility for his actions. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/8/5/1070385.jpg)
![Cinderella suffers from dependent personality disorder, where she constantly needs to be taken care of. Symptoms include fear of abandonment, relying on friends or family for decision-making, and behaving submissively. Constantly abused by her stepmother, but stays with her. Only goes to the ball after her Fairy Godmother helps her. Finally leaves her stepmother after marrying Prince Charming. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/8/9/1070389.jpg)
![Large, red, bulbous nose Red cheeks Santa Claus has rosacea. (Rosacea is a chronic, incurable inflammatory skin disease.) CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/8/2/1070382.jpg)
![Bugs Bunny appears unable to control his romantic urges even if it causes other people discomfort and distracts him from other aspects of his life (like an important basketball game in Space Jam.) That's sex addiction, folks! CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/8/7/1070387.jpg)
![CRACKED.COM SHORT STATURE BOWED LEGS ODDLY-SHAPED SKULL PROTRUDING CHEST Yosemite Sam has Rickets.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/7/8/1070378.jpg)
![CRACKED.COM Irritability. Excessive hunger. Decreased sex drive. GOKU SUFFERS FROM DIABETES.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/8/8/1070388.jpg)
![BABY DRIVER Asperger Syndrome Baby has above average motor skills in one thing, driving... ...has near superhuman memory in his subject of interest, music... ...doesn't socialize with outsiders... ...and would rather put his life in danger just to find a good song before driving. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/8/4/1070384.jpg)
![Ratatouille's Anton Ego has symptoms of iron deficiency anemia. He's very pale, and has huge dark circles around his eyes. Also, he says he doesn't swallow food unless he loves it. That could be a sign of low appetite, another symptom. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/7/4/1070374.jpg)
![MUST BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION EMBARASSES THOSE AROUND HIM BY BEING OVER EMOTIONAL EASILY INFLUENCED BY OTHERS BELIEVES RELATIONSHIPS ARE MORE INTIMATE THAN THEY ARE WORLD'S BEST BOSS MICHAEL SCOTT HAS HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER. CRACKED COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/7/6/1070376.jpg)
![GRACKED.COM POPEYE® Suffers from edema. a swelling caused by excess fluid trapped in THE the body's tissues SAiLOR MAN Nutrition %D Amount Per Serving o Facts Total Fat 0g o Serv Size 1/2 cup (115g) Sat Fat 0g Servings Per Container Trans Fat 0g about 2 0 Chotesterol 0mg Calories 30 13 Sodium 310mg Calories from Fat 0 Percent Daily Values (DV) Vitan Vitamin 140% are based on a 2,000 Iron 15% calorie diet INGREDIENTS: SPINACH, WATER, SALT. UONTE FOODS DISTRIBUTED BY DEL VI SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94111 PACKED IN U.S.A. Edema is usually caused by the body's Pleas retention](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/7/1/1070371.jpg)
![CRACKED COM the office Middle Age Low fiber diet Little to no exercise Anal fissures Kevin Malone is constipated.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/7/5/1070375.jpg)
![GRACKED.COM So Mr. Bennell, which do you think is more likely: that everyone you know has been taken away and replaced with an identical body snatcher'... ... or that you are delusional and suffer from Capgras syndrome?](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/6/9/1070369.jpg)
![The Cookie Monster on Sesame Street frequently eats large amounts of food rapidly and often while isolated from others. All signs of Binge-eating disorder. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/6/8/1070368.jpg)
![CRACKED COM Collecting useless items until there's no space for them. Her stuff literally reaches the roof of her cave. Feeling the need to save discarded items. She tried to save a bag full of useless stuff from a shark. Tendency toward avoidance. She jumps into the water once Eric regains consciousness and the dog shows up. Sorry Ariel, you have a compulsive hoarding disorder.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/7/0/1070370.jpg)
![DE<-TH NO-E •Has tall, slender body and spidery fingers •Curved back Diagnosis: Marfan Syndrome CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/6/6/1070366.jpg)
![С-ЗРО might have narcissistic personality disorder. - Excessively focused on what makes him special (he always brings up his capabilities, like how many forms of communication he knows) - Belittles others to make himself feel superior (he insults Artoo and blames him for everything) - Has a hard time adapting to change (he reacts to anything new with fear or barely concealed anger) CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/6/7/1070367.jpg)