John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

Authors
By
Published
Comments
Comments 0

34 of the Wildest Things People Own

By:
34 of the Wildest Things People Own

As you move through life, you’re going to accumulate stuff. Most of it is pretty self-explanatory, but if you’re lucky, you’ll acquire at least one thing along the way that renders people speechless. The key to owning something like this is to fully lean into it. Like the person who has a “penguina.” For the uninitiated, it’s a penguin pitcher that you fill with wine. Obviously, when you pour the wine, it comes out of the penguin’s beak. I mean, that’s a statement piece. 

Redditors have sorted through their household items to report the most head-scratching things they own, and we need Princess to be released from the closet.

silvertimeline . . 9y A talking dildo. ... 11

sspdsk8a . . 7y Bulletproof spandex. I'm a speedskater and it's mandatory safety attire. ... 641

SaladFury . 9y My brother has two of these dried up baby crocodiles that are dressed up in bride and groom clothing, standing on their two legs. ... 23

knitnat137 . 5y Two anatomical crocheted hearts ... 5

 • 9y A silicon breast implant. How I acquired it is the mystery. ... 7

RhythmicSkater . . 9y Life sized cardboard cutout of Sheldon Cooper. ... 4

LauraJ94 . 9y I have a pet African Рудту Hedgehog. A lot of people say WTF when I tell them ... 30

Spire-hawk . 293d I've got a couple of caskets in my garage ... 5

123eyeball. 9y A Dancing Singing full sized Gangnam Style Psy Doll ... 4

CashingOutinShinjuku . . 3y A giant, dirty razorblade on a big metal stick. It's not for murder, it's for cleaning aquarium glass ... 73

xxSovietRaptorxx - 7 7y My mummified snapping turtle head I bought at a redneck store. ... 11

jazzcasino 0 3y A fake mouth you're supposed to attach to a CPR dummy. ... 21

Vee32 . 5y A $1200 flashlight I'll never use. ... 2

ChefHannibal . 3y A cookbook for humans... I mean all cookbooks are for humans but yknow ... 11

Matvalicious . . 9y A dragon dildo and a horse vagina. ... 56

richard-777 . 3y A mead horn signed by R.L Stine ... 23

 . 3y Ovary embedded in parafin Jewelery made out of my baby teeth

P bertiek . 3y I keep giant roaches as pets. Sometimes they yell at me. Maybe that. ... 204

awkwardexorcism . 3y Probably my mummified animal collection lol ... 34

amjfxxxb 5y The skull of my dearly loved old rat. ... 2

nowhereman136 . 3y My grandfather lost his eye during World War 2. Не had several glass eyes that he would wear for different occasions. Не died back in the 90s and I now have his collection of glass eyes I literally have my grandfathers eyes ... 76

alert_armidiglet 293d I used to own a small, dark brown bottle that had the words 'Meat Juice' in raised letters on it. It was about the size of a tabasco bottle. It made me happy. When we moved, I had it on the kitchen window ledge. My cat, who was not pleased by the move, looked me dead in the eyes and then took her paw and knocked it into the sink, where it shattered. RIP meat juice bottle. RIP. ... 13

 9y I have a letter from Thomas Wilson...the actor who played Biff in Back to the Future...urging me to not write Back to the Future IV. I framed it and hung it in my office. ... 30

000-000-000yea 7y A penguina, which is a penguin that you fill with wine then pour it out of its beak into wine glasses. ... 159

bocefusly . 9y I have a small wooden donkey that you put cigarettes in. You pull down on one of the ears and a cigarette comes out of the ass. ... 19

kingsizeslim420 . 3y A mid-late 19th century child's skull. I've got an adult one as well, from a slightly later period - late 19th century/early 20th... But the child's one, I assume, would be slightly more, what the fuck...? ... 185

PowerSkunk92 . 7y I bought some dude's soul several years ago. It's sitting in a jar on my bookshelf in front of a framed contract that the weird fucker even signed in his own blood. There's a rather elaborate pentagram painted on the jar's lid. I bought it because I was drunk, and it seemed like a good idea to have an extra at the time. ... 1k

Dreadheadjon . 3y I have my dog's balls in a jar on a table that you see right as you enter my home. After I got him neutered 3 years ago, I thought it be something funny to have and cool to see up close. Now it would be weird to not see a pair of balls as I come home from work. ... 123

catgomrrgggggrowl . . 5y Probably some tail hair cut off of my steers from the royal Adelaide shows. ... 4

POster_Nutbag . 5y I have an 'adult toy' that's actually cast off a real draft horses penis. ... 2

bald_sausage 7y The picture of an older couple I don't know. Found it in goodwill. 3 dolla. ... 100

promiseiwillbeok - 3 3y A wall of framed mounted insects and old letters from an incarcerated ex. ... 9

Psychological_Eye556 . 3y My brothers freeze dried chihuahua Princess lives in my closet. ... 20

koolaid_snorkeler . 7y I share a very realistic artificial turd with my partner. It shows up when I least expect it in various places, when I am alone. Then I take it and hide it somewhere where my partner will find it when I am not around. It's been going on for over a year. We have never talked about it. ... 1.3k

Tags

Scroll down for the next article

MUST READ

John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

Authors
By
Published
Comments
Comments 0
Forgot Password?