28 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, March 28, 2024

He’s not wrong…
28 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, March 28, 2024

Joy Behar has been a mainstay on The View for 25 seasons, but in an evil alternate universe, she would’ve been a mainstay on another very famous show. Thankfully, her prayers were answered, and it never panned out. In an episode of The View’s companion podcast Behind the Table, Behar recalled auditioning for Saturday Night Live at the start of her stand-up career. Behar described being met with no laughs after she performed the character bits she’d come up with in front of Lorne Michaels. While Michaels famously doesn’t provide reactions during SNL auditions, Behar admitted it was “a little depressing to have to audition for somebody and they don’t laugh.” She went on to add that she “was so not ready for the stress of a job like that,” and felt lucky that she didn’t have to deal with it in the long run. 

Meanwhile, the Pop-Tart is getting its Oppenheimer moment, thanks to Jerry Seinfeld. A trailer has been released for Unfrosted: The Pop-Tart Storywhich tracks the 1960s-era race between Kellogg’s and Post to bring the humble breakfast pastry to shelves across the country. Co-writer and director Seinfeld is joined by Melissa McCarthy and Jim Gaffigan, along with a slew of cameos, including those from Jack McBrayerBill Burr and James Marsden. The film pops out on Netflix this May. 

Over on the timeline, we’re getting our usual daily serving of hysterical tweets. Today’s funniest include those about a daughter’s ominous kiss, a father who is going to be very upset and a mother who isn’t actually going to be a mother.

rocky @WAYSTIAR. 12h this is genuinely so crazy hello KATE HUDSON: I've seen you brush your teeth in the morning. I know what your body odor smells like. I can smell you from five blocks away. I know all your different style kisses. And I know all your different style hugs. If I were walking down a street and some guy came up and slapped my ass, if it were you, I would know it was you. MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY: Well, you know what? If I were blindfolded and told to walk over and slap 10 asses, I would know which one
budum @TimAllenItalian 17h It's that easy The TSA guy said my toothpaste was too big And took it And I nodded solemnly and said the world's a safer place now And he laughed and gave it back 32 3,257 113K 1.2M
Heben Nigatu @hebennigatu 18h ... If I had a dollar for every time Mark Ruffalo was in a movie where he falls for a woman who presents as an adult but is actually a girl learning how to live in adult world I'd have two dollars which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice FOOK ISRCO CARMICHAEL 13. going on 30 60 3,840 53.6K 1.1M
i like food @messedupfoods 6h ... Katcy Stephan V Follow @katcystephan asked the bartender at my resort to make me his favorite drink and he gave me THIS 21 371 5,706 100K
arvo färt @arvofart. 16h ... Cocaine is a funny drug to observe other people doing. Like, you're at a party, and suddenly three of your friends emerge from a locked room, more annoying than they were before Honey @honeyscube.2 2d how did y'all react the first time yall seen someone doing c*ke? 68 3,534 63.2K 2.9M
francis @gorgeousbrains.23h ... just found out my job doesn't recognize easter sunday as a holiday, therefore no holiday pay... who art in heaven I don't think my father, would be too pleased to hear about this. 91 5,681 69.6K 1.6M
Just Dani @thequeengeek·1 1d ... My 5yo has an eye that seems to drift away from the other. I was like That's disconcerting. It started happening more and more, so I took her to a fancy pediatric ophthalmologist and lol nope. She can just MOVE HER EYES INDEPEDENTENTLY and has been doing it to freak me out. 109 1,395 41.4K 1M
hush @tinned_fish 21h ... Coworkers don't seem to love when I use the gif of kermit jumping off a building in the work slack 3 115 1,971 47.2K
Envy @MoMelaninMoPrbz-14h ... Y'all my daughter just walked up to me kissed me and said I love you so much, I will never forget you when you pass away........... ............ Ok?. 570 4,506 76.9K 1.6M
jenn @jennsun 15h ... one of my classmates said he's going into consulting because he likes giving people his opinion but he doesn't like doing anything lol 98 2,477 32K 1.1M
b. @briarenee_ . 23h what's your cashapp? fleezyflee zzz @diafleeezy 1d what y'all know abt these ??? S UNION 4 a - 66K 312 4.9K 2.9M
FAT GANDALF @sofarrsogud . 21h ZOOKEEPER: So this snake is 3.14 metres long ME: *way too loud* A pi-thon ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids 5 342 3K 60K
$lap @slvppy 1d thought it was 5 bald mfs in the whip 279 9.5K 136K 3.5M
ADMIT ONE @FulIMeasures.15h just tried handing this to my boss and he fucking fired me??? Cut4 @Cut4.16h Don't worry baseball fans ... Cut4 got you 20 24 OPENING DAY TM To Whom It May Concern: Please excuse from on Thursday, March 28, 2024. It's Major League Baseball's Opening Day which is basically a holiday for Baseball is the best so we are sure you understand. Best, CUT4 11 485 10K 804K
Al @SweatieAngle 1d NO MOM ITS FOR SHARPENING SWORDS SWEAR GOD weird medieval guys BOOK OUT NOW!!.2 2d a 14th century whetstone used for sharpening swords, found in torre de meira, spain 10 39 927 24K
WilliamTheBonqueror @WillTheKid1507 8h More people have seen this tweet than died in WW1 Robert F. Kennedy @sexyRFK-3 3d MEN, which do you prefer? The aristocratic elegance of the small breasted woman, OR The Nietzschean pro-sex, pro-beauty large breasted woman? 76 1.3K 41K 1.9M
Shoulda Known Better @shegot99problms . 1d ... I'm gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds. 45 762 4.5K del 106K
big mama @bald_baddie 1d My mama talking to me in Bitmoji again and I- Today 12:47 PM Hey girl hey! Hey mama How's YOUR DAY? It's better now that I'm up and moving. My cycle started Read 1:34 PM WELL 452 3K 63K 1.1M
lan @imgrandsure 1d this is the best way to find new pubs Really wanna go here on Sunday. Looks so uninviting 16:41 Yes please, looks awful 16:41 18 185 8.1K 343K
Truly Humbled Under God @_FlyFreakinTye 1d ... Spaghetti be dead wrong all that YELLIN in the microwave to still be cold 81 4.1K 30K 778K
troythedesigner @troythedesigner . 1d the grinch if he had an onlyfans: Muva @MinkSum. 1d My shoes came 8.8K 108K 58 3.5M
ruby innes @rubyinnes. 1d ... - Stefanos Tsitsipas @steftsitsipas - 2d We put round pizza in a square box and eat it in triangles. 36 4.8K 44K 1.1M
good reddit @GoodReddit 18h ... r/Muppets r/ Join u/jwmahaffey9 2h Is Diddy the first Muppets cameo to have their home raided by the feds? 38 6 Share 25 1,161 34.1K 1.3M
Mikey * @Bootlegkhaled-15h ... I remember when $200 in groceries had to go in the trunk, now you can put them 3 bags in the passenger seat 10 1,502 4,273 123K
katie @skatie420.15h i was keeping it a secret, but i'm so happy to finally share the news that found a sonogram on the ground in the dirt and picked it up. i'm beyond excited for this new chapter. what a blessing - DO BROO 141 1,194 52.8K 1.4M
... @GoodReddit - 15h good reddit Join TESCO r/tesco 21h Shoplifting haul EMERGY MONSTER ZERO SUGAR ZERO SUGAR ULTRA PEACHY KEEN 1 MONSTER MONSTER EN TRA ER PEAGHY BY ENE TRA PEACHY R G Y KEL: MONSTER PACK ORIGINAL PHILADELPHIA has guession Fresh and SMART creamy taste PRILADER ORIGINAL TESCO BRITISH CUCUMBER C30 Rus E UK City ALF IGA WIM Wash Ltz. Instand Nature Usa. SO GN Carden Gresham Marine Road House Dun to Policy beich RU 1.2M 45.2K 1,793 78
Reverend Doctor Bob Sacamano 1d ... Let this sick fucking bastard cook, he's on to something none of us have ever even considered before. Sometimes you have to be daring. h @easterngoblin 1d Lasagna grilled cheese kinda night 175 7,372 96.9K da 6.7M
Clark Kent @kjthegreatone 1d ... Friends with these type of houses you always had a blast with cause they had no rules until they tell you a sad story and then you be ready to go back home to your structure J Girl @juliethardt. 2d Your new crush finally invited you over.. are you staying or leaving? 88 2,770 30.1K 1.3M


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