John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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23 Times People Got Sweet, Sweet Revenge on Someone Being Rude

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23 Times People Got Sweet, Sweet Revenge on Someone Being Rude

While taking the high road is the mature option, it doesn’t come with that sweet high of getting even. You know the feeling — the specific joy that derives from watching someone tumble off of their high horse with such force that the ground shakes. There’s nothing like it! 

To that end, Redditors have sounded off about the times someone was rude to them, and instead of stewing about it, they got sweet, sweet revenge. And just so you know, if you ever find yourself too lazy to take your grocery cart back to the caddy, there’s at least one person out there ready to teach you a lesson.

steffanlv 0 11y SEO Some douche bag in a humvee decided to park in a handicap spot at a kroger. I was young at the time and out riding with my dad, a repo man...in a repo truck. Не towed the humvee to a parking spot on the opposite side of the parking lot. We waited till the owner came out and looked around in disbelief. She thought someone stole her car. My dad drove up to her, rolled down the window and said are you ok, miss? Woman said, my car was stolen. My dad replied well, maybe you

The1Honkey . 11y I work for a rental car company and if you call me up at the end of the day demanding that I deliver you a car and swearing at me. You will be left stranded on the side of the road and I will not lose even alittle sleep about it. However if I'm moments from closing and you're nice and polite I will go out of my way to help you and stay after we close if I have to. Not being an asshole pays dividends children. ... 186

xThrowawayITx.1 11y I work in a University computer lab, in all of the lab rooms we have it clearly posted No food, No drinks. I've repeatedly told a particular group that is in the Journalism program to at least clean up their mess in the lab room designated for their class only. They never do and I end up cleaning the mess. The other night I go to lock up that particular lab room and they have left a mess and Fox News running on the TV in there... Just went ahead and put a channel lock with passcode on

shuffledy . 11y At the end of a long commute home, after a hard week, i went to a Millies Cookies store just before closing time. As I walked up to the counter, not 5 feet from it, some guy ran from behind me and tried to cut in front of me - the girl working there insisted i was first (thank you). Outraged at what that guy tried to do, and noticing there was not much cookies left, I said Hi, I'll take absolutely everything you have. Cost me close to $60, but it was so worth it. ... 557

 11y When people are rude to me in the drive through, I bend their straw so it gets a crack in it. So later on, about halfway through their drink, their straw stops working! HA! ... 425

TheGentileWookie . 11y When I was working a shitty job in my younger days, a customer was upset that he had to wait in line like everyone else before being able to make his purchase. Не actually said, Do you know who I am? I own hotels! To which I replied, Well sir, I'm sorry, but this isn't Monopoly, this is Krispy Kreme. Не was not pleased. ... 603

eljesus . 11y I watched a lazy shopper park their grocery cart right behind another persons car instead of putting it in the cart return. I got out of my car, ran up and moved the cart and put it behind her car. I then ran off and watched her have to get back out of her car since she couldn't back out, and then finally proceed to put up her cart the right way. I felt like a champion of the people. ... 3.6k

wehopeuchoke . 11y I work at a retail location that does returns strictly only with tags on the clothes. There was one customer who was exceptionally rude to our staff. She called both women working dumb bitches, which pissed me off. She came up to the register telling me she'll probably return all the things shes buying and is just trying to impress her friends. So I took all the tags off the clothes when i was bagging everything. I bettered the world that day. ... 2.2k

Tristan2353 . 11y Guy got out of his car to express some road rage to me. I just got out of my truck, walked past him, pushed the lock button on his door, closed it, walked past him again (his mouth hanging open this time), got back in my truck and drove off. Не seemed to be frozen with confusion. ... 225

I_Have_Unobtainium . 11y I volunteer at my university, safe walks and all that jazz. We are required to report suspicious and illegal activity. Witnessed a woman driving a mercedes-benz across a lawn to bypass the parking gate, tearing up this gorgeous lawn. Being an ex-landscaper, and mad at some rich bitch being too cheap for parking, I am not amused, so we reported it to the parking authority. They show up while the chick is still getting crap out of her trunk, box her in, and start writing a ticket. She ended up driving away, over a curb, peeling her

 11y I work in local theatre, and we have a lot of rude, awful women who are part of local ballet schools come through our venue who are the mothers of the dancers. Once this woman rang up wanting seats to an almost sold out ballet performance that had been on sale for 4 months the day before the show, and did nothing but abuse me for 5 minutes because she left buying them too late, whined about how she shouldn't have to pay to for her kids, whined that we should get a bigger venue (it seats just

LeBenox 11y Me and my friends were in line at a coffee place on a boardwalk after a days surfing when the woman infront of me when fucking crazy and started screaming at the girl making the drinks something along the lines of You fucking ingrate! I'm deathly allergic to milk you god damn prick. I want to speak to your fucking manager before I rip you fucking head off. I specifically asked for Soy milk. How could I be any more blunt about S.O.Y. You could have fucking killed me She was told to stop swearing or they would

shakakka99 11y i worked at Fayva (shoe store). We took back everything, no matter what. A stupid policy, but then again, Fayva isn't in business anymore. One day a woman walks in during Communion season, returning a pair of boys dress shoes she bought 3 days earlier. The kid must've played football in them - they were literally covered in mud, grease, and scuffmarks. This was the ONE person I refused a refund. She went batshit on me, yelling, screaming, demanding a manager. So my manager comes up behind me, and I just know he's going to give this woman her money, and

asshat_backwards 11y Was in theater quite a few years back (some action flick, I think Jean Claude Van Damme) and there were two 16- year-old-or-so kids in front of me who were, in turn, behind a group of smaller kids - - say 12 or so. I was alone --the wife hates action movies. I quickly noticed that the two older kids were fucking with the younger ones - - kicking their seat backs, throwing popcorn at them, flicking spit at them, the works. The theater was crowded so the little guys couldn't move. Finally one of the doucheteens leans forward and (I think) flicked one kid's

iamanowl 11y I work at a bar and for the past several weeks I've been dealing with a regular guy who just hits on me all the time in the most sleaziest way possible (Trying to look down my shirt, touching the small of my back, he even called me his girlfriend to a co-worker). I've told him countless times that I'm not interested and that I actually found his advances inappropriate and incredibly rude. Of course this doesn't stop him. Advance to today. I had the day off and decided that it would be fun to visit work and

 11y I was standing in line at a bank waiting to deposit my paycheck (this sentence just made me feel old) and this young woman came in talking loudly on her phone about how she was mad at her friend. The line was pretty long and I was two people from the front. She starts one by one bitching to the person in front of her how little time she has and how much of a hurry she's in. People get tired of her mouth and decide sooner or later to let her pass them. By the time she

Instantwinner1 11y Just the other day I was at a Chinese buffet and the three people in the booth next to me were questioning the waitress (she appeared to be Asian-Hispanic) about voting for the President and who she planned to vote for. She had trouble understanding them and communicating that she could not vote. They immediately began taunting her that she shouldn't be here if she couldn't vote, that she didn't even know who the President of the United States is, and then took a picture and said they would post it on Facebook. I later found out the

fightmeimjackedirl 11y Jackass in the gym once was making some kids of about 14 feel crap telling them to put some man weights on the bar and to stop being pussies and girls and real lame cliche shit. anyway every time they find a new workout he comes and repeats the process lifting bigger and trying to embarrass them. I was annoyed but tired and let it slide. Only it happened again, same kids came in 2 days later and he was there also. he starts doing exactly what he did before. Well that was it. I walked up right

IsaidMarkItEIGHT 11y I'm in a massive line at a store. I'm next in line, but the person in front of me has a shitload of stuff. A helpful clerk sees the mess and opens another isle saying, I can help the next customer. Well, that's me. However, the checkout counter has two sides- a right and a left. It is set up for people to come to the right side, but the left can be used as well. As I am stepping over to her counter, this asshole from the very end of my line is sprinting to her counter,

wave517 11y I was riding my bike to work one day and when crossing a street (in the legal zone with a walk sign) a woman ran me over. She drove through the crosswalk looking to turn right and ran right into me. She stopped after I got bumped hard enough by her fender to take a spill and have some bruising all down my side. She gave me an exasperated, my bad wave and continued to talk on her cell phone, ignoring me as I picked myself and my bike up. I walked right up to her open window,

DeLaNope 11y Went to go get my exhaust fixed, no big deal- pothole poked a hole in it. When I went to go pick up the car a couple hours later, I am treated to a woman SCREAMING at the guy behind the counter- she's positively foaming because she has been waiting nearly 30 minutes for her car to be fixed. She even goes so far as to call the guy an INSIGNIFICANT LAZY IMMIGRANT. Guy looks at her- looks at me. Throws me my keys- Here you go, your Magnum's ready- no charge. Looks her directly in the eyes.

mastad0420 . 11y My sister and I worked for Circuit City. There was an angry customer she was dealing with who said that a woman didnt know what she was talking about, she needed to get her manager. She got her manager Laurie. Не said no a woman cant help me let me speak to your manager. She got her manager Ruthanne. Не was so mad at this point and said dont any fucking men work at this store. Im listening to this so I walk out and say in my most feminine voice possible, hello sir can I help

rushn006 11y I was working as a manager in a big nightclub about a year ago. I dont wear a uniform, but have a radio and run the security team. The venue has a great smoking section that looks out onto the street. One night the venue was packed so I did my usual roam making sure that there were no problems, however it wasg too packed to walk through the smoking section, so I walked down the street instead, but could still very easily see into the smoking section. One guy stares me down, then calls me over, and

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John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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