27 Funny Things People Did That They’ll Only Admit Anonymously

‘Farted on Ted Danson’s chair’
27 Funny Things People Did That They’ll Only Admit Anonymously

To be clear, all of us have done something that we’d only admit to anonymously. But it’s probably not to the degree of “kissing a dead rat in a field” because you “wanted to say goodbye.” That gesture is simultaneously repugnant and confusingly wholesome, and it makes sense that the person undertaking it would want to remain as unknown as possible. 

To that end, the anonymous performance artists of Reddit have recalled the secret acts they’ve committed that they wish to remain anonymous, and we really want to get to know the naked fighter.

conejohumano 105d My previous apt complex was notorious for having various water issues that resulted in them having to shut off the water for days at a time. One day I got fed up and shit in a doggie bag, then threw it at the leasing office. It was there for a couple days. ... Reply 458
letthetreeburn . 105d I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home. I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her. I wanted a friend. ... Reply 12.4k
KC ١٠ AZ adidas Alarming_Ad1746 . 105d 00 Chugged altar wine, ate communion hosts and then wheelied my BMX bike off the altar and down the aisle of my church. There were 3 of us. ... Reply 2.3k
ColtS117-B . 1 105d I visited the set of The Good Place and farted on Ted Danson's chair before season 2 aired. ... Reply 80
nc3100 . 105d My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk. Then they helped me take a shit on the toilet, wiped my ass and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked. Don't remember any of it. ... Reply 11.8k
stringaroundmyfinger . 105d Started compulsively keeping track of things in notes: books I'd read, outfits I'd worn, legs of flights I'd taken. I was trying to space out my hair washing so I even started tracking that on a calendar and ended up tracking it for 7 years straight. Reply 839
Arcadia250 105d I used to climb bathroom stalls like a spider monkey. Idk why. I could never just let it go, so I'd climb all overthe place trying to crap in the coolest way I could think of Then when it was time, I'd push and launch a turd rocket at the toilet, I would then spend 15 minutes laughing at the sound it made upon hitting the toilet. Or wall.. or floor.. Didn't really care. For some reason the -SPLAT- it made on impact caused me to lose all control and laugh until I'm crying God forbid there was
I_am_not_God_or_am_I . 105d When I was in middle school I covered myself with chocolate pudding and kraft cheese slices and would run out in front of incoming traffic on my street pretending to be a monster. ... Reply 144
lafleurcynique . 105d I write Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic. My favorite author in the fandom likes my stuff... It's so much fun, and I wish I could talk about it with people irl... ... Reply 1.5k
Lucinnda . 105d I was in the woods in the middle of the night tripping. I decided to shove snow inside me. Wanted to know what it felt like. It felt cold. ... Reply 939
bejeweled_sky . 1 105d All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand. We had to have an assembly about it. That person... Was me. ... Reply 13.1k
OKsurewhynotyep 105d Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment. So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something. Always kept about a half block behind. Не turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier. It was weird, and so was I. ... Reply 14.3k
idkbbitswatev. 105d I was caught touching a mannequins boob in the window of a store (when I was like 12!) by a woman walking down a sidewalk ... Reply 143
bashbishcrawls . 105d I downloaded Grindr bc I thought maybe I was gay but after a few dudes started messaging me I was like this is gay as fuck and deleted it ... Reply 21.8k
Grotesque-penguin, 105d Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers. It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time. I decided in my drunken state that it would be badass to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies. It wasn't. We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital. I quit a few weeks later. White collar wasn't for me. ... Reply 4.7k
Fun_Tailor8682 . 105d I was drunk once, oh long time ago when I was so young, peed standing over the toilet and showed it to my crush saying hey I can do it too. We dated for 2 years after that. ... Reply 5.6k
WaspslnMyGoatse . 105d One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then a farted it out onto the lawn. Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose. I did this because I was bored. My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time). ... Reply 15k
yarash 105d My cat has trained me to give her rides around the house by jumping on my shoulder. I walk her over to the peephole of the door, she looks out it (at it really). There is an dangling elephant thing with a bell that my wife has a decoration, she looks at and or sniffs it. I walk her to the back door to take a look for a minute (its glass). Then I drop her off at her cat scratching post and she jumps off. She purrs like a freak the entire time. It's adorable. We do
Spyranexis 105d I wrote a diary entry during an exam. On the extra exam sheet. I'm talking like, 1 and a half pages, full text with personal Details. I hadn't prepared for the test and knew I'd tank it. So figured I might as well use the time for something else. I got caught. Most humiliating day of my entire life. ... Reply 294
steelicarus . 105d Fought two naked guys naked. Not in an erotic way, just happened and I ended up with a cracked rib. ... Reply 68
hALLIEcinate. 105d Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn't know where else to get them. I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time. ... Reply 12.5k
SleepyBiologist . 105d My partner is weirdly prone to cysts. I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest. I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens ... Reply 884
 105d I didn't have any spaghetti sauce to make spaghetti so I cooked some elbow noodles and I put in a little light mayo and about 1/3 of a big container of powdered Parmesan cheese and mixed it. It tasted good. If you sat at the kitchen table and that is in front of you and you're blindfolded, you would think that was spaghetti with a lot of cheese. ... Reply 1.1k
This Coupon Good For FREE NUDE SergeantSalty20 . 105d I downloaded grindr so guys would dm me compliments as a boost to my self confidence ... Reply 520
 105d I helped my partner get unimpacted after a surgery. I am not sure I would ever be successful in the medical field ... Reply 7.2k
IllustriousBad577 . 105d I once had sex with a salad.
 105d i found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc i wanted to say goodbye : Reply 11.3k


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