John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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33 Funny Stories About the School Weirdo

33 Funny Stories About the School Weirdo

If you know a weird adult, they likely started off as a weird child. And when you think about all of the weird kids you knew in childhood, you may wonder what they got into when they reached adulthood. One Redditor, for instance, reminisced about the kid at their middle school who staged a bomb threat. Fortunately, the kid wasn’t only weird but also dumb, and thought making a bomb threat meant just writing “bomb threat” all over the walls. To add insult to injury, the kid spelled it “boom theret.” Like I said, you gotta wonder what he ended up getting into later in life. 

Others have told similar stories about their school weirdos, and I’d argue that the guy who brought a toaster to make tuna melts in class was not a weirdo. He was a genius.

deepspacemirage . . 2y Bring a toaster and make tuna melts in computer class. ... 10.6k

OH_CALI2017 . 2y Showing us a video he uploaded to YouTube of him cutting his poop in half with a hanger as it was laying in the toilet bowl.

Chariesa . 2y Не brought a blow up doll to our farewell dance (senior prom in the usa) as his date. Complete with fish nets and everything. Edit: he was also wearing a kilt. We aren't from Scotland. ... 9.5k

marrymary420. 2y We had a guy who wore a dragon tail, believing he was a dragon and same story for a different guy but his thing was wearing a cat bell. There were lots of rumors about the cat bell guy..... 2.5k

memoryduel . 2y Не heard that you'd automatically get suspended if you peed your pants at school. Не wanted to find out if it was true, peed his pants, got suspended. ... 7.5k

angusthedangus . 2 2y At my middle school, someone decided to get a little attention with a good old fashioned bomb threat. Except they thought that a bomb threat meant literally writing bomb threat somewhere. Worse yet, they misspelled the fuck out of it, and wrote boom theret. So we had to go on a brief, very awkward lockdown while the police checked the perimeter for booms. ... 1.6k

YairleyD . 2 2y Every lunch he would put a baguette in his sleeve and secretly eat it. ... 2.6k

mutantenzyme. 2y Impressively imitated the barking of a dog. Really sounded like a dog with a deep, fierce bark, not like a middle-school student.

DivinerElite . 2y Не would say very obscure elements on the periodic table and start singing about it as if it were his friend (We were like 7/8) ... 1.9k

DerJungeGoethe . 2y A wild kid activated a fire hose and started blasting everyone that came his way, students, teachers, didn't matter. ... 35.6k

DarkPasta e 2y Well, there was frog boy, all he did was run around the woods catching lizards, frogs, raising tadpoles in a bucket. That kinda stuff. Не had ADD before ADD was a thing, so he was labelled active, and our teacher would sometimes just let him run out of the classroom to do a couple laps. Не was just crazy energetic, but all smiles. Не superglued the woodshop tools to the wall. And he covered the school kitchen with flour. That kind of stuff. Не went on to be a professional motocross rider. ... 793

ReturnOfTheFox . 2y In first grade there was this kid who stood by the sink in the back of the classroom eating bits of those brown paper towels. The teacher was constantly telling him to stop eating them and go back to his seat. ... 9.9k

Fun-Acadia-8735 . 2y She wrote a list of all the girls and boys she wanted to kiss and murder and then casually passed it out on the playground. ... 25.2k

 . 2y Не kicked his best friend in the chest for making him spill his Mountain Dew. ... 902

Atlv0486 . 2y His locker only ever had three things in it. His American flag cape, one of those foldable razor scooters and a box turtle. ... 5.1k

Ihave4braincells . 2y jumping on the giant christmas tree from the 2nd floor balcony, that was the last time they put a christmas tree on our school ... 10.5k

prehistoric_humans . 2y Spoke elvish. On a daily basis. ... 11.6k

Owls_feather . 2y One boy was once caught eating grass. When asked why, he said i always wanted to be a cow. I think he turned out fine, but it was weird ... 5.7k

 . 2y One girl used to run/gallop around the playground on her own, pretending she was a horse. This is at too old an age for the rest of us to be doing this, think 14/15. She got a medicine degree and is doing her surgical training at the moment. I bumped into her in a hospital after over a decade, alll I could think of to say was do you still love horses? She laughed and said she had her own horse now. Figures. ... 27k

Theonering1 2y Had a kid nicknamed cheeseburger in the grade ahead of me in highschool. Не got his nickname because when it was time for his class to go to lunch, he snuck into the roof and crawled his way into the cafeteria, dropped down and proceeded to steal all the cheeseburger put out for lunch. Unfortunately they caught him in the act and sent him to the principal's office. A year later he was caught stealing a teacher's computer, and in the process of being arrested he bit the officers hand, getting him sent to juvi never to be

SookHe 2y For elementary school, I was that weird kid. I didn't talk until I was 5, and when i started, I had maybe a 20 word vocabulary and only spoke when spoken too for about 3 to 4 years. But, at age 5 when I just started to talking, the local 10 year old genius who was also our neighbour (was actually a genius, graduated at 12 or something close), walked up to me and said, 'The answer to every question can be found through observing, and then walked off. That's it. That is all he said. I, on

iheartrevolution 2y Weird kid in elementary was a self proclaimed alien. Once, while waiting for the bus, she told me On my planet we eat people like you and proceeded to bite me. We later became friends in high school and she used to give me massages during lunch break in the quad. Just realized now she was likely tenderizing me. ... 33.3k

10per . . 2y Не didn't say much, but if asked, he would go to the front of the class and perform Tip-Toe Through the Tulips with all of the emotion and volume of Tiny Tim, holding nothing back. ... 17.5k

Zack_Knifed . 2y LOL had this weird kid in my class who was otherwise okay but just would do really unexplainable stuff. Не once opened his lunchbox in class and threw the contents right onto the overhead ceiling fan. It was something liquidy and greenish. Hit the spinning fan, splashed down all over us, the walls, the board. The poor teacher got the worst rain down on his face. As a punishment, the entire class was made to clean the classroom. Surprisingly, we were not mad at him, we all had a real good laugh at it. ... 3.3k

foxybite11 . 2y When the teacher told him to sit down he screamed Fuck you cow, fast forward 2 years he tells everyone he's a vampire and stabs my friend with a pen to try to make him bleed. Не was weird like. ... 19.7k

qmanchoo . 2y This one kid wore cheap button down collar shirts to school every day, and he would only ever button the top button and let the shirt billow around him when he walked. Не would stated that he was convinced by doing this every day it would catch on and he'd start a trend in the school and be popular. Не was forever alone on that hill lol ... 13.2k

GamingMechanic . . 2y They weren't weird exactly but there was a girl who used to pick ear wax out and eat it, in class, during break, anytime she could get a finger near her ear really. ... 2.9k

robsc_16 . 2y A guy I knew in highschool had a mouse living in his car. Not a pet mouse or anything, just a wild mouse. Не would intentionally leave food in the backseat for it. I almost didn't believe it until I saw the thing run under the seat when he opened the door. Не also wore this full cow suit to school one time, which freaked an autistic kid who had a specific fear of cows. There was a lot of debate if he wore it to freak the kid out our if he wore it just to be weird.

sendmePMsofyourBMs . 2y The weird kid at my highschool tied a string around his pencil case and pulled out around the halls pretending it was a dog. Не still lives in my hometown. I think unemployed. Oh also weird girl in middle school acted like a cat. She would meow and hiss at people, lick the water fountain and rub her body on the teacher's legs. In 8th grade. I have no idea where she ended up. ... 686

 . 2y There was this pair of boys in the year above me in highschool who used to make dirt bike noises every where they went. Lasted months. You'd randomly hear them coming down the stairs. Bwaaa bwaarrt bwaaa! ... 6.7k

MitchellCretan . 2y Не once asked me to play spies with him. Knowing he didn't play with many people, I said yes. Не took me on a mission around the school, before coming to a stop in front of bushes, pulling his pants all the way down and then started peeing in the bushes. At that point I was out ... 16.6k

adarkbleu . 2y There was a girl that pretended to be a horse and make horse noises & she also would draw pictures of all the guys faces in detention with their body's as half goat/ horse with very detailed massive male genitalia. She was a really good artist lol. ... 18.8k

 . 2y There was a kid who used to eat erasers and growl at other kids. ... 15.4k


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John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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