John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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18 Grindr Hookups Gone Hilariously Wrong

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18 Grindr Hookups Gone Hilariously Wrong

It’s never been more difficult to find normal, no-strings-attached casual sex, and no one knows this better than the gay people on Grindr. And while, yes, the majority of dating and hookup apps will never be normal, there’s a certain point where exchanges go from being “weird,” to edging into uncanny valley territory. For instance, one Grindr user was looking for a casual hookup and wound up in a conversation with someone attempting to catfish him with his own pictures. Meanwhile, another guy got catfished by a woman who was having trouble finding a boyfriend. 

Whatever the case, these Redditors have shared the stories of horny missions they’ve had to abort — whether it was because of confusion about a dog, a mortician kink or a drag dress-up session that turned into a sprint.

bro-no-l-didnt . 5y I met an older guy, and when I invited him round to my student flat it turned out he was nothing like his picture (I'm talking the wrong ethnicity...), I decided straight away nothing sexual was going to happen so we sat in silence together and awkwardly watched Jeremy Kyle before he started questioning me about my preferred footwear, and how much I liked shoes etc, flash-forward 15 minutes and he asked if he could buy my flip flops off me for £10. Long story short, I got paid £10 to watch the Jeremy Kyle show with

tommygunz007 . 5 5y Went to a guy's house. Не had no power, hadn't showered, and there was an extension cord running from the neighbors house across the snow to feed an alarm clock and radio. Times are hard but daymn.. that some ruff life. I noped out of there. ... 392

Vettran 5y Probably the time that I hooked up with a dude and neither of us could host, so we made the logical decision to just find a secluded spot and go at it. Long story short, we got caught by an entire passenger train that apparently ran right behind the fence two metres away from the act, which was well underway... ... 1.7k

strotho 5y Not gay but bi. Started talking with this guy that was in my area, he asked me if I was free right now and I said no since it was late and I live with my parents who don't know that I'm bi. Asked him to sent me his location out of curiosity to know more precisely where he was and I did the same. For those who don't use Grindr, there's a Send location option that sends the person a map of your approximate area without giving your exact address. After sending it to him, he kept

Troupe_Lead_Zirconia 5y This happened a few months back but still gives me shivers. At first the date was moving along rather well. A dinner, a movie and finally we ended up at his place. We talked about our careers, I remember he said he was doing work for a concrete company, I mentioned I was going to school for Mortuary sciences. Не proceeded to ask me if I was ever scared to go on dates. I of course said no, but then he started asking pretty dark questions: What would happen if I died on this date? What would you

 5y Not particularly horrifying, but suitably harrowing at the time... An older guy hit me up looking for a good old midday session at his place. I arrive at the provided address, with hair, makeup, and costume on, to find a sprawling 5 bedroom dwelling along the river, with a perfectly manicured yard and the whole nine yards. I went up to the door and he invited me in. We proceeded to have a nice chat, and then he gave me a full set of diamond jewelry and a fur to wear while we did the deed. Whatever, I've

Captain_PrettyCock 5y The guy asked me if I would let him have sex with my golden retriever. I was back from college for the summer and my parents were gone for the weekend. I meet someone on Grindr and invite him over and the first thing he does when he walks into my house and sees my dog is ask if he was trained to mount people!! I told him to fuck off and get the hell out of my house and he called me a cock tease. My Grindr picture was a picture of my dog and I on

raliberti2 5y chatted with a guy for a while. he seemed real nice.. we had things in common. his pics were hot.. so I went out to meet him.... he was a hoarder.. as soon as I walked into his house the stench nearly knocked me over. there were giant piles of junk in every room that he had covered with blankets to 'tidy up'.. the bathroom had a cracked toilet with a rotten floor and mildew covered food packaging.. I didn't even want to sit. but I figured, he seemed so nice, maybe there is something wrong with him

dinosaregaylikeme . 5y I got catfished. It wasn't even a man. It was a woman who couldn't find a decent man so she started looking towards gay men. I had the hardest time explaining to her that gay men only date men. They don't just fuck only men. We also only date men. ... 5.4k

Meowmeow_kitten . 5y Guy started snorting coke and casually joking that he had a loaded gun and would blow my head off if I tried anything. ... 7

Winterbass . 5y Had a guy message me about how I looked good in this and that shirt. Even went so far to tell me I smelled good and guessed which kind of perfume I usually wear. Blocked the shit out of him and never went on Grindr again. That shit was just too far for me. After a while I figured out where he likely saw me. To this day I still feel uncomfortable getting anywhere near that street, which is pretty often unfortunately because all the stores are there. ... 4

 . 5y One time this guy sent me a picture of him tied up with cum dump written on his ass. Не kept asking to buy condoms full of my cum for like $20-30 a piece. For an 18 year old broke college student at the time I considered it, but I didn't want my DNA around his inevitable murder scene. Also it's grosss. ... 10

derkajohns . 5y My first time at a gay bar this one guy was hitting on me. I was 19, he was around 22. I wasn't interested, but also too nice to tell him I wasnt interested. As my friends and I were leaving, he asked for a kiss and my number, I politely declined. That night he messaged me on grindr. I blocked him. I went back home (about 150 miles away) and he messaged me again on a new profile. Blocked. 2 days later again. And again, and again, and again. This was 4 years ago. Не still

ajohnny99 . 5y So sometimes the distance feature is good. Many times it is not. Say for instance you are in a hotel and a very pushy stranger knocks on your door cause Grindr says you are like 10 feet away. ... 9

bhermoth12 . 5y Not grindr but on a different app...was horny and wanted someone to blow me...I'm also into older guys as well and this older man was ok looking and available to do some sucking...he told me his home is a bit messy, but i brushed it off and assume it wouldnt be that bad...i go to his house, went through the garage to enter his house and saw dog shit everywhere...my eyes widened and i just couldnt believe what i saw...told him i forgot condoms in my car, got in my car and drove off...he then messaged me

Cyanide_Revolver . 5y Speaking on behalf of my bi-sexual friend. Не met up with a guy about two years ago and they fucked, no problems there. They message back and for the very now and again and my friend realises the guy goes to the same uni as him, fairly coincidental. Then in one of our new classes my friend realises that the guy he fucked is going to be our lecturer. ... 8

IWantALargeFarva в 5y I'm a straight girl, but one of my best friends is a bi man. Не found a guy to hook up with, that guy could host, pictures were exchanged. Everything was going well. My friend show up at the guy's house and they start getting down to business. Then the guy excused himself for a minute. When he returned, he was wearing all of my friend's clothes. And then wanted to keep fucking my friend like that. Не politely asked for his clothes back and just left. Не said it was pretty strange and there was no

 . 5y someone was catfishing me with my own pictures. I was flattered but straight up freaked out when they started sending me pictures that I never sent anywhere to anyone (not even through messaging). ... 6

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John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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