18 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of January 29, 2024

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18 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of January 29, 2024

Today’s most depraved tech guru continues to push the boundaries of innovation in ways that no one is asking for. This week, Elon Musk took to Twitter to announce that the first human recipient of a Neuralink implant is supposedly “recovering well” and showing “promising neuron spike detection.” The company, which was founded in 2016, is seeking to “redefine the boundaries of human capability” by enabling people to control devices like phones and computers simply by thinking. Twitter users weren’t shy about sharing their thoughts on the matter, going as far as to say that Musk’s update on the project reads exactly like something you’d find in just about every sci-fi horror game from the last 30 years. 

Hopefully, reality doesn’t imitate art, because the last thing we need are Muskified zombies roaming the Earth — Twitter Blue subscribers are horrifying enough.

That said, Musk and the Neuralink recipient were in good company this week in terms of digital burns. Other sick digs included those about art-school kids, a girl who sounds like Mr. Krabs and Justin Timberlake having his own music held against him.

Evil Rodney @SkinnyTuna 5d Drake looks like this Pepsi 2003 @pepsibong . 5 5d PEPSI III ER! I BOYS 3 254 4.4K 189K

Motivational Pictures With Reality Deep Meani... 3h ... The little one bit someone too hard and now they're sending her away like Joe Biden's dog POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave.1 14h Boygenius announces they're going away for the foreseeable future. 4 123 2.2K 104K

Kristen Mulrooney @missmulrooney 19h I don't usually share strong opinions here but this is the worst bedroom I've ever seen and I can't get past it © Instagram Blake Lively's relatable bedroom shows her unmade bed 148 2.3K 178 168K

sean @_sn_n 1d Ron DeSantis does Ella @Elladeyforyou 44 Women are really strong, men will never understand the pain we go through everyday 425 19 14K 444K

Girl Posts @itgirlposts 2d please i'm dragged everywhere 11:21PM you liked me tweet i thought you was pop crave 11:25PM 2 new messages why u typing like mr crabs..  you liked me tweet 6.1K 135 143K 2.8M

мх. GARY @thegaryfuqua 19h Geneva look like she's about to ask me if i wanna save 20% by using my JcPenney card today 6.4K 36 374 353K

HELLOTEFI @hellotefi . 8h cry me a river POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave. 8h Justin Timberlake is seething that drama with Britney Spears is overshadowing his new music, a source tells Page Six. gig E 48 5.5K 71K del 1.6M

Jeff McDevitt @JeffMcDev. 1d ee 8 ??? Sig ACME SALTED CARAMEL ROTISSERIE CHICKEN Total Price Packed On Sell Thru Unit Price Net Wt/Ct Fab 02.24 $ 7.99 Jan.31.24 1 $ 7.99/Pcs INGREDIENTS: WHOLE CHICKENS WITHOUT NECK AND GIBLETS,WITH UP TO 5% RETAINED WATER,CONTAINS 2% OR LESS: NATURAL CARAMEL FLAVOR,NATURAL VANILLA FLAVOR.SALT.SILICON DIOXIDE AS ANTI- CAKING AGENT,SUGAR. MADE IN A FACILITY THAT PROCESSES PEANUTS, MILK, EGGS, WHEAT SOY, TREE NUTS, FISH, SHELLFISH, AND SESAME PRODUCTS LEARN ABOUT THIS PACKAGE: AlbertsonsCompanies.com/isThisRecyclable SALTED 2,000 calories a day is used for general nutrition advice but calorie needs vary. Additional nutrition information available CARAMEL upon request.

sehaj @sehahaj 5d sex is a very intimate and sacred act remember, your body is a temple, and you shouldn't be sharing it with anyone who is an engineering student. 505 11K 66K 2.4M

HO @exist2post.1 10 Boys who are the youngest in the family have a distinct little bitch vibe about them 274 9K 72K 2.5M

choya @mayonnnnnn_ . 1 19h ... lil sis said it's giving 30 when i used lol in conversation 20 9 227 9.4K

jack nasty @heidenfiles 1d people r gonna start having grandmas named Kenzie... 155 2.9K 54K 2M

Charles Bramesco @intothecrevasse 23h This tweet is missing the ?! at the end IndieWire IndieWire @IndieWire.23h Bob Marley and 'Madame Web' Are the Best Hopes for February Box Office trib.al/kx0yXme 5 406 12K 454K

yo yo yo muthafucka whats good haha maayn... 14h ... ???? laurenelizabeth 7h ... X honestly most of the time the emojis are just to cover the fact that the girl isn't slaying the pic! but mommy looks decent! sorry! 8 28 520 29K

Davey Sockrocker @daveysockrocker - 3d January 29, 2024 The first human received an implant from A Neuralink yesterday and is resovering well. Initial results show promising neuron Cassette Tape spike detection. x OK Michael Irving @MikeIrvo . 3 3d The audio log you find in a trashed Elon Musk Subscrib @elonmusk office in a sci-fi horror game: rst human received an implan @Neuralink yesterday and is ering well. results show promising neuro detection. n.30 Jan 24.6.7M Views 106 15K 113K 4.1M

Lee Elms @JWIMYS . 1d ... No disrespect but don't perform none of this shit at the Super Bowl Usher Raymond IV @Usher 2d U been asking...so I had to deliver. The official tracklist for my new album, #COMINGHOME 2.9.24 Pre-order NOW ushermusic.lnk.to/COMINGHOME COMING HOME 1 Coming Home performed by USHER & Burna Boy 2 Good Good performed by USHER Summer Walker & 21 Savage 3 A-Town Girl performed by USHER & Latto 4 Cold Blooded performed by USHER & The-Dream 5 Kissing Strangers 6. Keep On Dancin' 7. Risk It All performed by USHER & H.E.R. 8. Bop 9. Stone Kold

sara @deadpoetssara3 3d ... Mokosh, @pangpilled - 4d I love seeing art school kids struggle to hold their big ass drawings on their way to school. Hahaha. That's what you get for being gay. 240 26K 172K 4.6M

Drew @drubov 3d ... Dracula looks like his father took him into the city to see a marching bad when he was a young boy 15 107 942 40K

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