33 of the Funniest Reasons People Asked for a Loan

‘I need to build a house for my monkeys’
33 of the Funniest Reasons People Asked for a Loan

Most of us could use more cash for the general costs of being alive, but some people need extra funds so they can make their dreams a reality — like the guy who wanted to construct a home for his pet monkeys (yes, plural), or the person who wanted to “build a giant space station” so they could “destroy a planet” (planet unspecified). One woman requested a loan to enact her revenge fantasy of buying the school she was flunking out of so that she could fire the teachers who were “plotting against her.” 

The bankers of Reddit have disclosed the funniest times people requested a loan from them, and while all of these loans were denied, the requests shed genuine insight into what people would do if they could secure some extra scratch.

OysterPuke. 7 7y I'm a teller, but one time a customer asked me to schedule him an appointment with a financial advisor at our branch because he was seriously considering taking out a loan to purchase a pet parrot.... ... 731
ProfessorDN . 7y I had a guy call up one time trying to get a loan to build a home for his pet monkeys. They were stinking up his living area and he wanted them to have their own place. ... 1.3k
rainbowdashtheawesom 7y I'd like to build a giant space station that can destroy a planet ... 448
QuarterCotro . 7y Crazy old lady came to our small credit union to request a multi-million dollar loan to open a water park. Her business plan was handwritten on unlined paper. She also claimed that she was the divorced wife of a country music star. ... 784
Inyerbhutt . 7 7y I had a guy who owned his own multi-level marketing business and was looking for a business development loan.
PrestigiousSystem0 - 3 Зу I once had a client apply for a loan for porn supplies, I was the unfortunate one who had to tell him that we would not be giving him the $150,000 loan ... 99
TroutSnifferrr . 3y Had $5,000 cash in their bank account, asked for a $500,000 loan. I ask how they intend to pay the first payment. They literally said, I don't know. I responded with I don't know either. Denied. ... 4
NWC5790 . 7y I had three guys come in asking for a loan to buy gasoline. They wanted to buy a shit ton of gas, store it and resell it after the price went up. They had charts with girls in bikinis on it, I think they thought they'd be speaking with a man. It got real weird after that but none the less, I declined their loan request to buy gasoline. ... 1.8k
Agent9262 . 3y $25,000 for a Scientology donation. They had great credit and income so I had to approve it. ... 3
kaylamartinez. 7y We had a customer request a loan for a possible funeral. They ended up being denied so we didn't get any more of an explanation. ... 327
shyrra . . 7y Once had a guy try to get a loan to start his business of home pharmaceutical sales. With two previous convictions for hard drugs. At that point it's like he's not even trying to be clever. ... 3.7k
 . 7y Work in wealth management, had a client request a 'loan' from her trust fund. She was attending college and flunking out, she wanted to BUY the private school and fire all the teachers who were 'plotting against her'. Sadly that request was denied. ... 5.6k
ShabbaRoberts . . 7y Just last week I had someone want to apply for a loan so she could go eat at Luby's with her friends. ... 589
working_cheese_hotdo . . 7y I actually know a guy who would do this. He'd go and get like a $200 loan and take his girlfriend out to eat and get a hotel room or something. Which wouldn't really be that big of a deal if you had the money to pay it back and were doing it to build up your credit, but he rarely had the money which is why he would get the loan in the first place. ... 310
Spoonfork59 . 3y A woman called asking for a personal loan to pay the negative balance in her account that she owed us. ... 2.2k
ANoobConvert . 3y One of my coworkers had a customer get approved for a business credit card and he quickly used that to spend 10k on breast enhancement for his wife.... When we asked him how this could even be considered a business expense he told us, well she's in sales... ... 17.4k
avenueirregular . 3 3y A guy wanted $200 for concert tickets. His credit score was 420. Не did not get a loan. ... 363
inviroe5113 . 3y My uncle was a banker and he once had someone who wanted £13,000 to convert their garage to, and I quote A Christian Grey Torture Chamber. Obviously that wasn't approved ... 3
 . 7y i i had one customer who wanted to open a restaurant. she had a good deal of experience managing a restaurant which is great. unfortunately she had nothing planned. not even a location. she walked in to ask about a loan with no idea what she was going to use it for. ... 687
BookerDeWittsCarbine . 7y I also work in the same field and had a client call up and demand a loan so he could buy an airplane. Like a 747. Не was stuck in a storm in O'Hare and wanted to fly home. Не was upset the airline wouldn't fly because it was unsafe. One of the more bizarre calls I've taken... ... 871
wgr9381 . 7y I used to be in consumer lending for a credit union call center and a lady called in one time asking for a personal loan. Our policy was to ask what the funds were going to be used for. When I asked, she said, I need to buy a bell pepper for dinner. I was sure I misheard her and asked her to explain. So she said, I am trying to make dinner and it requires a bell pepper. I need the loan to get the bell pepper. ... 199
Chocolatbar . Зу I worked at a bank for a few years and my со worker told me that some guy wanted to get a loan to make a machine to jerk you off. I wish he got the loan. ... 1
Kerbalnaught1 7 7 7y Buying a revenge snake. EDIT: So people want the whole story, so here it goes: A customer walks in. Не asks for $200. I asked him why as he was filling out the paperwork. Не said his Ex has been breaking into his house almost every night, but she is terrified of snakes. Не was going to buy a massive snake and sleep with it, until she stops breaking in. If she doesn't he is going to release the snake into her apartment. I gave him a mortified look, worrying that his genius will escape him. Не gave
Dontneedanything . 3y We had a guy who needed just a little more money to catch the Sasquatch. Не had a guy that was willing to pay him billions of dollars once he caught it. It sounds like a joke but the guy was dead serious. ... 4.1k
Duke1246 . 3y My aunt's old ex boyfriend was a banker. Always told us about how someone wanted a loan for a small business that was a BBQ joint with strippers but the strippers are eating BBQ and people are watching and throwing money. ... 4.3k
The_D-Rex 7y I had a guy come in acting rudely to the greeter, who then referred them over to myself. Guy was in his fifties and looked liked he lived in his car. Proceeds to tell me he needs five thousand dollars to fly to Washington to solve the murder of his son and retrieve the body. Не does not want to do any paperwork for this and tells me he's a cocaine dealer, and he wants to leave ten thousand dollars worth of coke for the five grand cash without even showing an ID. Не assures me he's a
CaelusBell 7y I also forgot about the guy who watched a video on youtube about a way to make infinite energy, and was wanting to borrow funds to build a machine so that he could put the commercial energy companies out of business. Another guy wanted to borrow funds because he had won the Indonesian National Lottery and was required to send them some upfront taxes and fees, after days trying to convince him that as he had never entered an Indonesian Lottery that it was exceedingly unlikely that he had won one, he went to another bank that would
Scottrunz . 7y A guy who sold steaks had used all of his customers money (30k) on his own stuff. Не was supposed to deliver $30,000 of steaks that had already been paid for in 2 weeks. Не wanted a loan to get more steaks. Spoiler alert: his credit was not fantastic. Не also left me voicemails for the next 2 months that consisted of him saying hello repeatedly or cursing. ... 71
quarlOw 3y I used to work in a department of Wells Fargo that specialized in the weird. All the loans no other department would touch. It started as a way to keep business customers with lots of money happy. Like a courtesy loan knowing that we would make money from them elsewhere. One of the most iconic loans, that we used as an example to explain to other departments what we did, was a loan where a farmer put up a barn as collateral to get a loan to buy his wife's dentures. 1.9k
xXweebhunterXx . 3y I used to practice the art of personal loans, someone wanted $10,000 to buy a ranch in Tennessee, and we were in L.A., so I asked him how he planned to buy a ranch in Tennessee with only $10k. Не then ran away without a word. To this day I still wonder what he really would have done with the 10k if I had given it to him. ... 7k
pokemonprofessor121 . 3y I work in 401(k) administration. You can take a loan out on your 401(k) depending on how the plan is set up. One of the provisions for many plans is that you can take a $5000 loan if you have a baby or adopt. Someone called in asking to take a loan because their friend had a baby. Ummmmm, what? No, we won't give you $5000 whenever someone you know has a child. ... 3.9k
ostentia 0 Зу I worked as a bank teller in college. My branch had a guy try to take out a $60,000 personal loan to help his girlfriend in Russia pay off border control so she could finally come join him in the US after a two-year exclusively text-based relationship. No matter what we said, he remained firmly convinced that she existed and was in love with him and that the $30,000 he'd already sent her was money well spent. We didn't give him the loan. Не closed his accounts on the spot, taking the entire <1,000 he had left
obnoxioususername69 . Зу Gentleman came into my small local credit union to apply for a car loan. Great, what kind of car is it? A Jeep. Awesome! What's the exact model? Uh, it's custom. Well, what year is it? 1989. Oh, hmm, a little on the older side... And the mileage? Not sure, the guy I'm buying it from is in . Oh, I'm sorry sir, it would have to be registered in-state. Oh. Well do you know how to register a monster truck with the DMV? ...Excuse me? Yeah, the Jeep's been converted to a monster truck. I'm not


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