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32 Relics From the Past That Simply Wouldn’t Fly Today

Wow, these aged like bruised cantaloupes

32 Relics From the Past That Simply Wouldn’t Fly Today

January 15, 2024 Add Cracked to Google

Do you ever stop and wonder if the currently acceptable things we do now won’t “hold up” in the future? Because people in that old millennium (and some in the earlier years of this millennium) were going about their day thinking everything was all good! Well, Boomers, Gen-Xers and geriatric Millennials, it wasn’t all good. Some of it was decent, but a lot of it, well, oof.

32

Mr. Mom

CRACKED YOUR ENTIRE PLOT CAN'T INVOLVE RIGID GENDER NORMS. MR. MOM A laid-off man becomes a stay-at-home dad while his wife returns to work. Jokes about a man changing diapers and ironing shirts couldn't be seen as ridiculous today. Don't worry, in the happy ending, he returns to work and his wife gets back to the homestead. — Source

31

CRACKED YOUR ENTIRE PLOT CAN'T BE ONE BIG TRANS JOKE ANYMORE. ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE The Einhorn is Finkle, Finkle is Einhorn plot has one big reveal of Einhorn's bulge tucked between her legs. This would never be played up as a joke today, and we wonder why it was even needed to tell a stolen dolphin story. — Source

30

CRACKED YOU CAN'T MAKE DARK, DISTURBING MOVIES FOR KIDS ANYMORE. In the '80s, we had The Dark Crystal, The NeverEnding Story, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, and Gremlins before everything brightened up in the '90s. Back then, a ghost gave Ray oral in Ghostbusters and Batman was made by Tim Burton. — Source

29

Soul Man

CRACKED BLACK FACE CAN'T BE YOUR ENTIRE PLOT ANYMORE. SOUL MAN In the 1986 movie, a spoiled white kid pretends to be black to nab a Harvard scholarship exclusive to black students. It does raise awareness of prejudice and racism, but all the blackface made it wildly offensive, even for 1986 standards. — Source

28

CRACKED YOUR VILLAIN'S PLOT CAN'T BE EASILY THWARTED BY GOOGLE. TOMORROW NEVER DIES ILL BACK ST This Bond villain is a media mogul who plans to manipulate the news to incite war between China and the UK. Today, social media and a quick googling of countless news sources would label this fake news within a few minutes. — Source

27

Manhattan

MANHATTAN al A won the BAFTA Award for best film in 1980. SH MEXUAL - - - In retrospect, it's unseemly to praise Woody Allen for making a film about his romance with a teenage girl. CRACKED.COM — Source

26

Dances with Wolves

KEVIN COSTNER DANCES CRACKED.COM WITH WOLVES This movie set the bar for White Savior tropes in Hollywood. It won Best Picture over Goodfellas. WINNER OF SEVEN ACADEMY AWARDS INCLUDING BEST PICTURE 1990 OAMPAS — Source

25

Ben-Hur

ELEVEN BEST PICTURE ACADEMY IN 1960. AWARDS Hugh Griffith won the Oscar for Best Actor in a Supporting Role in 1960. for playing rich Arab stereotype and doing blackface. CRACKED.COM — Source

24

Elvis

Collectible Bubbles Elvis memorabilia Elvis collectibles that were once highly sought after, like records, have become much less valuable. A lot of his superfans and collectors have passed away, leaving a glut of items on the market. CRACKED — Source

23

Comic Books

Collectible Bubbles NINE '90s comics Back in the '90s, X-Men #1, Superman #75, and Avengers #200 were wildly popular. Nowadays they're not worth much, because they were made in massive quantities and are pretty easy to get. CRACKED — Source

22

Collectible Bubbles Lunch boxes Back in the 1950s, '60s, and '70s, metal lunch boxes were really popular, and people would pay a lot for them. But then in the 1980s, plastic lunch boxes came out, and the value of metal lunch boxes dropped dramatically. CRACKED — Source

21

Collectibles

Collectible Bubbles Collector plates Norman Back in the '70s and '80s, collector plates were all the rage. Nowadays, you can usually get them for less than $10. CRACKED — Source

20

Collectible Bubbles a JO I ESPRS 00 topes e A Sports cards - The worth of a lot of collectibles from the '80s and '90s, like sports cards, has gone way down since it was at its highest in the early '90s. So much for pop culture ephemera as investment vehicles. CRACKED — Source

19

CRACKED.COM BANG 30 Minutes or Locel Lost Tropes 30 minutes or it's free The entire concept of pizzas being free if delivered late was already outdated when Jesse Eisenberg's 30 Minutes or Less came out. Also, now we crave pizza. Great. — Source

18

CRACKED.COM EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY ALARM WILL ND STAIR Lost Tropes New father's cigars Nothing says healthy environment like smoking around newborns! We haven't seen Knocked Up in ages, but if they didn't parody this trope but with joints, that's a total missed chance right there. — Source

17

CRACKED.COM Lost Tropes Going postal After a series of incidents during the '80s, '90s comedy was full of mailmen just losing it and shooting up people. You know, before shootings got a bit too real for laughs. — Source

16

Lost Tropes Funny suicide Suicide (by gun, train, etc.) was used as comedy in old cartoons. But suicide is serious business (unless you're Hitler in the bunker, in which case cue the Benny Hill music and fart sounds) CRACKED.COM — Source

15

‘90s Anti-Heroes

GRACKED COM Lost Tropes Extreme '90s anti-heroes. How badly has this aged? Just ask Rob Liefeld, who has become a joke for his radical characters with bloated muscles, childishly designed weapons, and, erm, suits full of pouches. Pouches are rad! — Source

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14

WEARING A BANDANA UNDER YOUR HAIR CANCELS OUT THE WHOLE POINT OF WEARING A BANDANA. I GUESS NOBODY TOLD THE HAIR METAL BANDS. (OR ME IN GRADE EIGHT.) CRACKED.COM — Source

13

HIGH SCHOOL APPAREL CRACKED.COM HIGHSCHOOL FOOTBALL HS LEADERSHIP SID HIGH SCHOOL 0 YOU WORE THESE TO SHOW TEAM SPIRIT AND PERSONAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS, AND THEY SERVE NO PURPOSE OUTSIDE OF HIGH SCHOOL. — Source

12

Nu METAL The perfect genre of music for any rebellious teen. Listening now, you feel like a brat with bad taste. MUSKA CRACKED.COM CIRCAFOOTWEAH — Source

11

Bacteria-ridden, knotted string you never take off because 'friendship'. And their slightly Make Your own SCOOBIES KMD more hygenic Secoble UNITED KAnnen plastic Lessness souse vigenen counterparts. The CRACKED.COM — Source

10

Kid Me: This is the greatest show of all time!! Adult me: ....why did i watch this... CRACKED.COM — Source

9

SUPER TRENDY HAIRDOS (FROM ANY DECADE) JON BON JOVI www.h LOOK RIDICULOUS NOW GRACKED.COM — Source

8

CRACKED.COM HIGH WATTAGE CAR AUDIO SYSTEM THE DISTRACT YOU FROM THE OTHER DRIVERS, CONTRIBUTE TO HEARING LOSS, MAKE CAR PARTS BUZZ, AND NO ROOM TO TRANSPORT ANYTHING ELSE SOUND SYSTEM. — Source

7

Collectible Bubbles Beanie Babies CAN and 8 BOOK Don't 2+ Help once - - dein run Aux no - on heart In the late '90s and early 2000s, Beanie Babies were all the rage. People were willing to pay huge amounts, with some even going for six figures. But eventually, the market cooled off, leaving many people with a lot less than they had invested. CRACKED — Source

6

THIS CANDY TREAT LETS YOU FRENCH-KISS JAR JAR BINKS. doo I CANDY Social JUS Binks ARE COFFEE WARS STAR I - We're assuming it tastes like thinly-veiled racism. CRACKED.COM — Source

5

CRACKED I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY CAT RIGHT SAID FRED S PUK BUDD Never listen too closely to this song, which is really a bleak portrait of self-defeating narcissism, but this pet-owner relationship is even better left unexplored. — Source

4

Sea Monkeys

Sea-monkeys are actually brine shrimp. THE - LIVE Institute the Sea-Monkeuse OCEAN-ZOO The World's Qualy Instant Puts! THE - JIME Instan EL Sea-Monkeus The People's OCEAN-ZOO The Morid's Only Instant Pital - entert to - The species (a cross-bred version of brine shrimp) doesn't exist in nature. They breath through their feet and grow a second eye in maturity. Gross. CRACKED.COM — Source

3

Menko

Pogs were a rip-off of the Japanese game Menko. Menko's been popular since the 1600s, travelling to Hawaii when Japanese people imigrated in the early 20th century. CRACKED.COM — Source

2

Skydancers were recalled in 2000. 8.9 million were recalled after about 150 reports of injuries, from eye injuries to facial lacerations to a broken rib. CRACKED.COM — Source

1

In the '90s, we wore stupidly- 1991 1992 1999 1990 oversized jeans. 97 1998 1999 1996 1997 And if you've 1992 got 1001 $300, 1905 you can buy them now. 1993 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 1999 NOW YOU KNOW: THE '90s CRACKED.COM — Source

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