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31 Dumb Predictions About the Future That Have Us Laughing at the Past Like Nelson Muntz

Oh, we marked your words alright

31 Dumb Predictions About the Future That Have Us Laughing at the Past Like Nelson Muntz

December 31, 2023

Today we salute the fine men and women who confidently bet against Michael Jordan, The Beatles and the internet. The nerve. The audacity. The sheer confidence that these incredibly wrong people had is just totally commendable.

31

By the mid 1980's, automated autos, noiseless pneumatic sub- ways and luxury-liner hovercraft will have radically restructured our surface mobility David Rorvik in the October 1970 issue of CRACKED.COM Playboy magazine — Source

30

NY AF 85 500 The coming of the wireless era will make war impossible, because it will make war ridiculous. -Guglielmo Marconi CRACKED.COM — Source

29

The 2014 World's Fair will have exhibits showing cities in the deep sea with bathyscaphe liners carrying men and supplies across and into the abyss. ..Isaac Asimov CRACKED COM — Source

28

Where a calculator like ENIAC today is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh only 1.5 tons. and Popular Mechanics, 1949 CRACKED.COM — Source

27

There's simply no demand for YouTube. YOUTUBE COFOUNDER CRACKED COM Cofounder and СТО Steve Chen once said there's just not that many videos I want to watch. Strange that a man with zero foresight could accidentally invent a perpetual motion propaganda machine! — Source

26

Tired: gold. Wired: steel. THOMAS EDISON CRACKED.COM Edison was convinced we were on the verge of dispensing precious metals like a Taco Bell soda fountain. And what would we do with the power of alchemy? Devalue gold and turn all our furniture into cold, hard steel. — Source

25

Bad Predictions

Nothing bad will happen to the stock market. IRVING FISHER CRACKED.COM 3 days before the stock market crash, an American economist declared that stocks had reached a permanently high plateau. — Source

24

Brick-and-mortar stores have nothing to worry about. TIME MAGAZINE CRACKED.COM Their 1966 prediction that remote shopping will flop was based on the observation that women like to get out of the house. — Source

23

Telephone

The telephone has no legs. WESTERN UNION CRACKED COM In an internal memo, employees were told that the telephone shouldn't be seriously considered as a means of communication. — Source

22

The Warner Bros. Were Kind of Dumb

Audiences don't want to hear actors. A WARNER BRO. CRACKED.COM H.M. Warner thought silent movies were the height of cinema: Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? — Source

21

Horrible Predictions

Smoking's probably fine. NATIONAL CANCER INSTITUTE CRACKED.COM W.C. Heuper, director of the institute's Environmental Cancer Section, was pretty darn sure that, if smoking played a part in lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one. — Source

20

Michael Jordan won't carry this franchise. CHICAGO BULLS GM LLS 1 CRACKED.COM General Manager Rod Thorn was almost apologetic that there was no one taller he could have drafted: What can you do? Jordan isn't going to turn this franchise around. — Source

19

TV won't last 6 months. 20TH CENTURY FOX CRACKED.COM Studio exec Darryl Zanuck predicted that people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night. Staring at that box is the only thing that gets us through the day! — Source

18

50 THE INTERNET 5 DECEMBER 1995 CompuServe Internet Services AHENET - - The - Insurance - f - 1 - - Rystan WT - Maketing il iw - и MADE CRACKED.COM I predict the Internet will soon go spectacularly supernova and in 1996 catastrophically collapse. -Robert Metcalfe, the inventor of Ethernet. Не said he'd eat his words if he were wrong. And so he did, sticking a magazine page in a blender then eating the goop with a spoon. — Source

17

50 THE BEATLES 5 FEBRUARY 1962 CRACKED.COM We don't like the sound. Guitar groups are on their way out. -Dick Rowe, head of artists and repertoire at Decca Records. The Beatles then went on to some success, as did rock music in general. — Source

16

Terrible Predictions

55 MOVING 50 5 HOUSES JULY 1971 CRACKED.COM The house of the future would have no roots Gone would be water pipes, drains, power lines; the autonomous home could therefore move, or be moved, to anywhere on earth. -Arthur C. Clarke. Не wasn't predicting RVs, which already existed. — Source

15

FEMALE 50 5 EVOLUTION DECEMBER 1950 1950 , 2000 O GRACKED.com The woman of the year 2000 will be will be more than six feet tall, wear a size 11 shoe, have shoulders like a wrestler and muscles like a truck driver. -Associated Press. True for some women. AP also predicted, She may even be president. — Source

14

50 BATHROOMS 5 2000 1900 CRACKED CON French artists predicted life in the year 2000 for the 1900 World Exhibition. They foresaw machines scrubbing you clean and applying makeup. Even with access to robotics today, we prefer handling certain intimate activities ourselves. — Source

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13

55 50 5 TRAINS 1850 : 8 SIERRA RAILROAD CRACKED COM Rail travel at high speed is not possible because passengers, unable to breathe, would die of asphyxia. -Irish professor Dionysius Lardner. We do have high-speed trains now, as well as even faster transport methods. — Source

12

Animal Labor

65 ay in U Things or 50 ANIMALS Join the Species Already Extinct 5 - NOVEMBER 1926 - - the , sight... the the - before - - - 141 y investiga - GRACKED.COM the teaght will It's grobable ber be right - wild benef the by to Me - - M . masily - - - - ... - - - . - Loos - - the - - a - - - when .. - - Production - - . 4b to - - - - why - - - - - - - - - two - — Source

11

Bad Predictions

HOME 50 5 APPLIANCES 1955 CRACKED.COM Nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality within ten years. -Alex Lewyt, vacuum company president. We have nuclear power today, but it makes a lot more sense to produce it centrally than to stick a reactor in every appliance. — Source

10

KEANU REEVES IN SPEED Phone CRACKED.COM Long before The Matrix and John Wick, critics said he couldn't lead a big-budget blockbuster like Speed. Не shaved off his long hair, bulked up, and his performance as Jack Travern made him an unexpected action star who would soon become the highest-paid of all time. — Source

9

HEATH LEDGER AS THE JOKER CRACKED.COM Fans were outraged that Ledger was cast as the Joker. Known for A Knight's tale and Brokeback Mountain, critics cried too young, too pretty, and not good enough, but his performance is considered among the all-time best, and he became the first actor in a superhero movie to be nominated for (and win) an Oscar. — Source

8

DANIEL CRAIG AS JAMES BOND CRACKED.COM In 2005, the Blonde Bond controversy had fans boycott the film. They saw James Bond as sleek, elegant, and debonair whereas mostly-unknown Craig seemed like a meathead. His 5 installments as Bond from 2006 to 2021 have grossed nearly $4 billion. — Source

7

CHARLIZE THERON IN MONSTER CRACKED.COM In 2003, it was hard for critics and audiences to imagine Charlize Theron as gritty, crazed killer, Aileen Wuornos. She received an Oscar and Robert Ebert praised it as, One of the greatest performances in the history of cinema. — Source

6

ROBERT DOWNEY JR. AS TONY STARK CRACKED COM Marvel Studios fought against the casting, and Director Jon Favreau stated, Robert was a tough sell. They wanted a lesser-known actor with no baggage who was 10 years younger. RDJ has since become synonymous with Iron Man, and kicked off the trend of superhero obsession we're currently living in. — Source

5

RENEE ZELLWEGER AS BRIDGET JONES CRACKED.COM Bridget Jones was British literature's most iconic female character of the 90s, so casting a petite Texan like Zellweger saw the headline, 'Crap American Comedian Playing English Icon'. The career-defining role won over fans everywhere and earned an Oscar nom. — Source

4

MICHAEL KEATON AS BATMAN CRACKED.COM Warner Bros received 50,000 protest letters from angry fans after Keaton was cast in 1989, but both Keaton Batmans are considered the gold standard of superhero films, and the best Batman debate usually comes down to Bale or Keaton. — Source

3

Turbine A Gue DOLLAR 263 Co Hondensator COINS SOLA SIDENU YOSHELLEI SOLTES STACEL CRACKED.COM In 2007, the US government thought 42 dollar coins would replace bills, saving the mint $4.4 billion over the next couple decades. But people liked bills more. Half of all dollar coins sit uncirculated in government vaults. — Source

2

Turbine A DOME HOMES Torbin Gue 263 330 Hondensator SOLK CRACKED COM In the '60s, architects thought dome homes would catch on because they would totally shrug off damage from hurricanes and other natural disasters. Buyers rejected them because they looked completely bloody stupid. 8 — Source

1

FLYING CARS SOLK 3218 fe CRACKED.COM Henry Ford had a plan for cheap, easy-to-use, personal planes everyone can own. A plane in every driveway! Then his prototype (avoidably) crashed during a test flight, and Ford scrapped the whole idea. HA 8 — Source

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