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27 Fast-Food Items Whose Main Ingredient Was Stupidity

December 25, 2023

Fast-food chains just can’t stop tinkering. They don’t think, “Wow, we must’ve created something special here because the whole world seems to enjoy it.” No, no. They have to justify their paycheck. If they were done tinkering, they wouldn’t be needed anymore. So they get in their fancy suits and head on down to their big ol’ boardrooms to come up with some new way to mess with a good thing. A “Whopperito?!” Grow up!

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27

The Double Sensation was a twin-crusted pizza. Pizza Hut SENSATION HILK CRACKED.COM Pizza Hut gave customers in Singapore more of what nobody really likes all that much - the crust! They called it a pizza within a pizza, but it was realy just an excuse to fill you up with more bread... and apparently offload some excess Alfredo sauce. — Source

26

Fries + onion rings = Frings. CRACKED.COM You know that unique exhiliration of finding an onion ring in your french fries? Jack in the Box attempted to replicate that, but achieved the opposite: the devastating betrayal of being denied sufficient onion rings. — Source

25

Bigfoot Pizza was just too-big pizza. CRACKED.COM Its whole... thing was that it was too big: too big for minimum wage-earning delivery guys to comfortably hold it, and too big for your ravenous family to snarf it down in one sitting. — Source

24

The McSpaghetti is exactly what's on the tin. CRACKED.COM Ordering a Chicken McDo with McSpaghetti was a needlessly long way of ordering a chicken leg and some spaghetti -- but a really quick way to get heartburn. — Source

23

Shake 'em Up Fries were DIY cheese fries. CRACKED.COM Burger King gave customers the experience of being a real fry chef! Customers would dump a packet of flavoring into a bag of fries, and shake the whole thing up until every fry was sticky as hell. — Source

22

The McHotDog danced on Ray Kroc's grave. hot dog ho CRACKED COM Even though the Krocs started off in the hot dog biz, Ray Kroc later refused to sell them at McDonalds because he couldn't be sure the meat was high enough quality. Turns out: Americans don't really care about the quality of their speedy meats! — Source

21

McStuffins were Hot Pockets. CRACKED.COM McDonalds wanted to get in on the scalding pouch pastry game with two of their signature flavor profiles: ...chicken teriyaki, and ...pepperoni pizza. — Source

20

McDonald's egged on sci-fi nerds sze CHUAR sauce MU DEA time the CRACKED.COM After the notorious Rick & Morty Szechuan sauce episode, McDonald's very publicly over-promised a limited time return of their signature sugar goop. Fans turned out in droves, and were extremely miffed when they quickly ran out. Dan Harmon says the show had nothing to do with the promotion -- Ronald brought this on himself. — Source

19

The Priazzo was uncookably thick deep-dish pizza. CRACKED.COM Pizza Hut threw an Italian-sounding name on a casserole that was so thick, it took longer to cook than anyone was willing to wait for it. — Source

18

McDonald's Hula Burger The hula burger was a cheeseburger minus the burger, plus grilled pineapple. Made to appeal to Catholics abstainning during Lent, it failed miserably where Filet-O-Fish succeeded. CRACKED.COM — Source

17

McDonald's Lobster Roll Lobster Roll made with 100% Real North Atlantic Lobster Aside from Filet-O-Fish (which was a Lent godsend), there's something so unsettlingly (in my digestive system) about McDonald's carrying seafood. CRACKED.COM — Source

16

Taco Bell's Seafood Salad To compete with the Filet-O-Fish, Taco Bell introduced a seafood salad in the 1980s. Unsurprisingly, it was a complete flop. Salad AND seafood? From Taco Bell? Hard pass. CRACKED.COM — Source

15

Burger King's Burger Pizza In a clear publicity stunt (that we are continuing to help hype, so it's effective), a 2,500 calorie pizza-sized burger was only available in New York because New Yorkers aren't snobs about their pizza or anything. CRACKED.COM — Source

14

McDonald's Onion Nuggets Onion Nuggets Before the Chicken McNugget, there was the Onion Nugget. Introduced in the 1970s, they were clumps of onions deep-breaded and fried. CRACKED.COM — Source

13

Burger King's Whopperito CLAME Most people look at a Whopper and go, You know what would make this better? If it were a burrito, too. Not all foods need to be a mash-up, but don't tell Burger King, who sold the novelty item to compete with Chipotle. CRACKED.COM — Source

12

Pizza Hut's Hot Dog Bites Pizza Sure, hot dogs and pizza are good on their own, but Pizza Hut made sure to prove you can have too much of a good thing. The hot dog crust pizza came with a side of mustard and pretzel version. CRACKED.COM — Source

11

Taco Bell's Bell Beefer In the 1970s, Taco Bell introduced its chili burger. Basically a taco but with a bun instead of a shell. As if there weren't enough fast-food burger options, who thought we needed a harder-to-eat attempt? CRACKED.COM — Source

10

Dry Pork and Seaweed Donut DUNKIN' DONUTS Dry Pork and Seaweed Donut CRACKED.COM On paper, this looks like a lazy corporate April Fools Day joke. But in practice, it's actually a pretty daring savory experience from a company that specializes in sugar water. It's made with a special yeast dough, which kind of brings the whole thing together. — Source

9

Mashed Potato Beef Burger MCDONALD'S 100% Manly Man CRACKED.COM For a while, McDonald's China was on a big masculinity kick. Lots of their commercials highlighted the manliness of meat eaters - none moreso than this burger that dared to include a layer of potato salad. — Source

8

Ninja Burger BURGER KING NIN BURGE CRACKED.COM BK has tried several different black burgs in different parts of the world, with various ingredients dyed black with bamboo charcoal and squid ink. One version includes an oversized, floppy strip of meat to simulate the tongue of a popular anime ninja. — Source

7

Double Down Dog KFC KFC DOUBLE DOWN WARNING OUTRAGEOUS Y DE DOG CRACKED.COM KFC shook us to our very core in 2010 when they first announced the Double Down as an April Fools joke, then sold it for real less than two weeks later. Then, in 2015, while the meat-eating public was still reeling from whiplash, they unleashed this hot dog version upon the good people of the Phillipines. — Source

6

Gracoro Burger MCDONALD'S CRACKED.COM McDonald's Japan once offered this deep-fried dollop of macaroni, shrimp, and white sauce. — Source

5

Cheeseburger- Stuffed Crust PIZZA HUT CRACKED.COM This was simply a pizza surrounded by sliders. It's the most American food innovation since American cheese, and yet it's only ever been available in the Middle East and the UK. — Source

4

The McAfrika MCDONALD'S McAfrika CRACKED.COM In 2002, McDonald's Norway took some heat for dropping their unfortunately named, pita-based BLT right smack dab in the middle of a massive famine in Africa. — Source

3

Waffle Taco TACO BELL CRACKED.COM In 2014, Taco Bell disrupted the wet hot American breakfast scene with a waffle, your choice of sausage or bacon, and a haphazard ice cream scoop of egg. — Source

2

Doritos Pizza PIZZA HUT CRACKED.COM They nearly out-pizza'd their own hut by placing Dorito shards around the perimeter of their 'za, like a crown of thorns. Lest you think they didn't go big enough, they also stuffed the crust with that boldest of cheeses: mozzarella. — Source

1

Edible nail polish KFC TS PINGER LICKIN SENGER GOOD TCKIN GOOD CRACKED.COM In 2016, KFC dropped two flavors of edible nail polish in Hong Kong. The BBC did a taste test, and found Hot t & Spicy to be more translucent than advertised, and Original Recipe to be straight-up green. Both bottles recommended not saving their goop for multiple uses. — Source

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