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30 Depressing Facts About Nine-to-Five Jobs That’ll Make You Want to Quit Your Job and Join a Commune

Can I call in depressed?

30 Depressing Facts About Nine-to-Five Jobs That’ll Make You Want to Quit Your Job and Join a Commune

December 20, 2023

Working a nine-to-five? Couldn’t be me. Nope, I prefer to work with my hands, like my ancestors. You’ll find me down here in the listicle mines, day in and day out, chiseling pure fact out of the bedrock of content deep beneath the internet. It ain't much, but it's honest work.

But for the rest of you office-dwelling squares, here are some depressing facts about your fancy computer jobs…

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30

Your manager probably gives you motivational pep talks. Which have been shown to cause depression. It's very common for modern companies to devote meeting time to cheerleading and fawning over staff. The thing is, somebody trying to force you into positive thinking will actually make you more depressed, and depending on your temperament it can actually make you more likely to commit suicide. The reason: You can tell it's bullshit, which makes you think anything positive is probably also a lie. CRACKED.COM http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1910979,00.html — Source

29

Email is an essential tool for business communication. - T - G a ] } 6 P В And it's a terrible way to communicate. Email is practically tailor-made for creating misunderstandings, because we can't parse humor or sarcasm. One study showed that we think we're twice as funny as we actually are, by having senders and recipients rank their comments on a scale of one to funny. Another study showed that only 56 percent of people can even detect sarcasm in email. CRACKED.COM http://www.collisiondetection.net/mt/archives/2006/06/study_people_th.php#001506 — Source

28

Want to get some work done? Try telecommuting. 14 - - National Home Para - You still might not NEW AV get anything done. While 86 percent of respondents to a Harris poll said they prefer to work alone, 63 percent said they'd still rather work at the office than at home. Apparently the distractions at home are still worse than the distractions in the workplace. Other reasons include a lack of equipment, lack of motivation, and the desire to keep clear boundaries between work and home. http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/201. 3/05/08/7 CRACKED.COM -things-that-kill-your-productivity-at-work/#2080644d6368 — Source

27

Know what gets employees motivated? Team-building. Motivated to look for a different job. Surveys show that team-based retreats and activities designed to build trust and cooperation among employees actually leave employees annoyed, embarrassed, and feeling they've wasted their time. And more than half of those surveyed reported that team-building exercises didn't help them to work better with their colleagues at all. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/ CRACKED.COM 9063890/Team-building-doesnt-improve-work.htm/ — Source

26

Your commute is annoying but not doing you any harm, right? Actually, it's messing you up pretty badly. People who travel more than 30 minutes to work report higher anxiety and lower levels of happiness and life satisfaction. Commuting also wrecks your sleep, and not just because you have to get up early. The sleep you do get is worse, and you wake up more exhausted. On top of that, traveling more than 10 miles every morning is associated with elevated blood sugar, cholesterol, and blood pressure. CRACKED.COM http://time.com/9912/10-things-your-commute-does-to-your-body/ — Source

25

Working Overtime

Working overtime is great, because of all the extra money. It's also a lot of extra deadly. That's not hyperbole. People who work 11-hour days run a 67 percent higher risk of heart disease than their full-time counterparts. The cause, according to the American Journal of Epidemiology, is a combination of stress, raised blood pressure, and unhealthy diets caused by spending mealtimes at the office eating takeout and grazing from the vending machines. http://www.forbes. com/sites/daviddisalvo/2012/09/1 2/why- CRACKED.COM working-more-than-8-hours-a-day-can-kill-you/#2d6681526509 — Source

24

The ability to get work mail anywhere should boost productivity. But actually, it does the opposite. The 24/7 workplace sounds great on paper: Even when you're on vacation, a quick swipe on your smartphone will keep you current on work issues. The problem is, people who check mail during their downtime wind up feeling overwhelmed, cranky, and nowhere near maximum productivity. On the other hand, people who completely unplug during vacation report an 82 percent increase in productivity. CRACKED COM https://www.bellophthalmic.com/why-the-247-workplace-is-killing-your-productivity/ — Source

23

A good business makes sure its employees have the latest tech. MacBook Pro - - Kslegulony U Clable bezproblemows Which completely throws them probl off. When an workers Ksiegu equipment or updated provides software, their first reaction office its with new is to panic and demand a return to the old way. That's because our brains underestimate the length of time it takes to learn a new task, so we get frustrated and then overestimate how long it'll take us to get good at it. So productivity goes down. CRACKED.COM http://phys.org/news/2010-07-consumers-underpredict-ability-products.html — Source

22

Those bright lights at your office sure do keep you alert. Actually, they're making you tired. The use of fluorescent lights and/or over-illumination can cause health concerns including headache, fatigue, stress, anxiety, cardiovascular disease, and, wait for it, erectile dysfunction. See, the human body is designed to respond to sunlight. Anything brighter makes our bodies react as if we're in total darkness, which messes up our natural sleep cycle. CRACKED.COM http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih. gov/pmc/articles/PMC2627884/ — Source

21

All that equipment sure makes your workplace efficient. Too bad it's also poisoning the air. Specifically, the copy machine and laser printer give off ozone. The EPA warns that even inhaling small amounts can lead to chest pain, coughing, shortness of breath, and throat irritation. Manufacturers know this, which is why copiers and laser printers come with filters. But in many offices people either forget to change it or opt not to in order to save money. CRACKED.COM http://www. djclarke.co.ukfile09.html — Source

20

Good team players check their sarcasm at the door. Which is killing workplace creativity. Scientists have found that sarcasm actually boosts your creativity and problem-solving skills. Apparently, being subjected to snarky comments kicks your brain into creative mode, because you have to parse the true meaning of a person's words. Yes, they'll piss you off, but when you get to work, you'll be ready to approach it constructively. http://www.thegrindstone com/2011/08/02/career-management/ CRACKED.COM study-your-sarcastic-co-worker-may-be-making-you-more-creative/ — Source

19

More than 70% of lawyers in the world live in the US. The city with the highest population of lawyers is Washington, DC; where one in every twenty-two people is a lawyer, and those lawyers typically earn 25% more than the country's average salary for lawyers. CRACKED.COM — Source

18

OOL and Nothing motivates LIP 11 100 CV 561899154 DULLASS workers like that THEME MARATHON steady Y51666195 = paycheck. ... - TOYOTA RAY adidas دو YST646T9540 - BEASTY OF SELA CP 56199956A . if 100 1234204 ASTED 61666135 e C.AA OF 56199915A ПРАМЕНИИ F4 OOT OF AMERICA THEWS DE 56199915A مكما 100 ... KOREA DOLLARS 11 500 ONERIA HIKEND 105464799 DE THETNITED OLLARS CHELL ONERES 1954 SHUTIO CFSC U.S. Unless they IS 56199954 need 51 to 915A be creative. Because creativity stems from the will to create, you are at your most artistic when you neither expect nor get any reward. — Source

17

Thirty percent of Tesla employees feel they've been silenced by NDAs. NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT greement) is entered into on this S address at The total is twice the tech industry average, and over four times that of Linkedln, the company with the fewest complaints of being silenced by an NDA. CRACKED.COM — Source

16

When you're at work, you shouldn't be thinking about sex. Unless you need to think logically. Scientists have found that thinking about sex stimulates the part of your brain that focuses on the present and thinks logically and analytically. On the other hand, thinking about romance and love turns your focus to the future and improves your creativity. So think about sex if you want to focus, and think about love if you want to be creative. CRACKED.COM http://edition.cnn com/2010/LIVING/personal/02/10/o.love.makes you creative/index.html — Source

15

LAWYERS ARE TWICE AS LIKELY TO STRUGGLE WITH DRINKING PROBLEMS THAN THE REST OF THE POPULATION. ACCORDING TO THE AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION, ONE IN FIVE ATTORNEYS SUFFERS FROM ALCOHOLISM. GRACKED.COM — Source

14

Want to get some work done? Call a meeting. Which is the opposite of getting work done. According to business productivity guru Jason Fried, meetings are counterproductive, because they require people to stop the actual work they're doing. They're also inefficient, because they'll grow to fill the time they've been allotted no matter how much time is actually needed. They waste time, they waste money, and they procreate by spawning more meetings. CRACKED.COM https://www.ted. .com/talks/jason_fried_why_work_doesn_t_happen_at_work?language=en — Source

13

CRACKED COM Facebook moderators, who view content like animal snuff films and child porn, are only allowed 9 minutes of wellness time per day. That's 1.88% of their day that they get to recover from the horrors they are required to see. Their annual salary is $28,800. — Source

12

Many teachers in the U.S. work part-time jobs during the summer or even after school due to their low pay. mc2 7 Despite this, they are often obligated to spend upwards of $500 on supplies out of pocket each year. CRACKED.COM — Source

11

30 Depressing Facts About Nine-to-Five Jobs That’ll Make You Want to Quit Your Job and Join a Commune — Source

10

CRACKED.COM Code 1728862C 12 12 17950 nearly twice as likely to live 9270 ... Tipped workers S are ICA in poverty as THE untipped workers. L3 PERA 360 93355223 G 6 ES OR the be F794177 because 21 This could base for 158 tipped workers can be 71% lower pay 12 than the federal minimum wage. L05824309 C L 12 21 — Source

9

Management Training

According to a nationwide study by Career Builder, 58% of managers involved in the study said that they did not receive any management training prior to becoming managers. CRACKED.COM — Source

8

30 Depressing Facts About Nine-to-Five Jobs That’ll Make You Want to Quit Your Job and Join a Commune — Source

7

Got a creative team? You'll want to give them an open office. Don't. That's the worst setup for creative types. Open-office layouts, with their large, shared tables and cubicle-free workspaces, are absolutely deadly for the creative process. Work is phase-based, like sleep. The constant interruptions caused by an open-office model disrupt the brain from reaching a deep, thoughtful state, so it constantly has to start over-often preventing creative thought entirely. CRACKED.COM https://www.ted.com/talks/jason_fried_why_work_doesn_t_happen_at_work?language=en — Source

6

Today's workplace is geared toward multitasking. Unfortunately, your brain isn't. Neuroscientists claim that, for the most part, multitasking is physically impossible. The brain is able to switch its focus between separate processes really fast, but that's not the same thing. Instead of saving time, multitaskers are segmenting the workload and making it harder to concentrate on any one task enough to actually get it done correctly. CRACKED.COM http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyld=95256794 — Source

5

30 Depressing Facts About Nine-to-Five Jobs That’ll Make You Want to Quit Your Job and Join a Commune — Source

4

Your boss wants you to show up rested every day. But you do better work when you're tired. Scientists found that people who were tested during their least optimal time of day (when they were at their most tired) were more effective at solving puzzles that required creative thinking than when they were at their most alert. Which probably explains why your most brilliant, outside-the-box ideas always come to you in the middle of the night. CRACKED.COM http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10. 1080/13546783.2011.6256637journalCode-ptar20 — Source

3

Sitting all day is bad for you, so now there's the standing desk. Which, as it turns out, is also bad for you. Standing all day is exhausting. On top of that, standing desks put your monitor and keyboard in a position that will wreck your neck and increase your risk of carpal tunnel syndrome. You might lose a few pounds, but the desks are actually harder on people who are overweight because they put too much of a strain on the back, joints, and circulatory system. CRACKED.COM http://healthland.time com/2011/04/1 3/the-dangers-of-sitting-at-work%E2%80%94and-standing/ — Source

2

30 Depressing Facts About Nine-to-Five Jobs That’ll Make You Want to Quit Your Job and Join a Commune — Source

1

If you do well at work, you'll get a nice, quiet office. You'd be better off at a coffee shop. Think of your brain as a jeep. When it has a smooth road under it, it rolls just fine, but it doesn't do everything it's capable of. But when you take it into a harsher environment, it can tackle anything you throw it at. In much the same way, your abstract thinking switches into high gear when your brain is forced to tune out a bunch of background noise. CRACKED.COM http://www. v.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/06/study-of-the- day-why-crowded-coffee-shops-fire-up-your-creativity/258742/ — Source

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