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Cool your jets, Bill

30 Entitled Celebrities and CEOs With Egos Bigger Than Their Bank Accounts

December 18, 2023

One unfortunate side effect of surrounding yourself with people who tell you how beautiful and awesome and funny you are is that you might start to believe it. A lot of these celebrities worked hard to get where they are, but being a great actor doesn’t entitle you to a hot audience at a comedy club.

30

CELEBRITIES that tried stand-up JOHN MAYER blamed bombing on his sex appeal. After bombing at The Slipper Room, Mayer said, It was combative in the sense that the crowd didn't accept the fact that the jock, the guy who gets the girls, was at a place where guys go who talk about how they don't get girls. CRACKED — Source

29

CELEBRITIES that tried stand-up GAVIN McINNES stand-up should stand back and stand by. The Proud Boys founder was ready to perform at the comedy event Stand Back & Stand By (a nod to Trump's comments), but Penn State was forced to cancel the event after protests turned violent. CRACKED — Source

28

CELEBRITIES that tried stand-up Rapper T.I. got an arena's worth of boos. STATE us At the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, T.I performed alongside pros Nick Cannon and Eddie Griffin. The arena gave him a chance, but his jokes drew boos for most of his set. CRACKED — Source

27

CELEBRITIES that tried stand-up ANN COULTER in the Liberal lion's den. After attacks from actual comedians, Coulter's retorts on Comedy Central's Roast of Rob Lowe got silence, heckling, and even booing. Showing off her book In Trump We Trust only amplified the boos. CRACKED — Source

26

Madonna on The Tonight Show

CELEBRITIES that tried stand-up MADONNA alienated her audience. Jimmy Fallon had Madonna on The Tonight Show doing stand-up, and although the crowd was initially excited, they soon quieted after multiple bits about her collection of Picassos and Warhols. CRACKED — Source

25

BILL MURRAY vs. CHEVY CHASE BELUSHI'S DRESSING ROOM CRACKED.COM Chase was back as host two seasons after ditching SNL. Murray told Chase everyone hated him, Chase made fun of Murray's complexion, and punches started flying right before air. Belushi got in the middle and took most of the blows before Chevy escaped to deliver the monologue. — Source

24

STEVEN SEAGAL vs. JOHN LEGUIZAMO MOVIE SET CRACKED.COM Seagal let the Executive Decision cast know I'm in command, according to co-star Leguizamo. I started cracking up. Then he Taekwondo'ed my ass against a brick wall and hit me with his elbow. He's six-foot-five. His publicist told my publicist that he wants to punch me out. I better stop talking about him. — Source

23

ANDY DICK VS. JON LOVITZ THE LAUGH FACTORY CRACKED.COM The trouble started when Lovitz accused Dick of contributing to Phil Hartman's death by giving cocaine to his then-sober wife. Dick later told Lovitz, I put the Phil Hartman hex on you, you're the next one to die. When the two met at a comedy club a week later, Lovitz grabbed him by his shirt and smashed his head into the bar. And I did it again. I would have kept going, but the doorman broke it up. — Source

22

ROB LOWE VS. TOM CRUISE TULSA, OKLAHOMA CRACKED.COM During an Outsiders fight scene rehearsal, Lowe accidentally decked Cruise. I got one clean shot on Tom, and Tom is such a competitive lunatic - which is what I love about him-but the next thing you know he's ready to kill me, remembers Lowe. He's a whole lot of guy. It's like the United States and China right now. If you treat China like a foe surely she will become one. — Source

21

Being James Bond went to George Lazenby's head. On the set of On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Lazenby would frequently make crew members nervous by drunkenly tossing liquor bottles into the air and shooting them to pieces. CRACKED.COM — Source

20

Bob Parsons went elephant hunting in Zimbabwe. The GoDaddy CEO shared the footage publicly. In the video, Bob and his guides track down a herd of elephants and shoot one. Then the video cuts to dozens of villagers ripping the elephant apart for its meat. Hell's Bells by AC/DC plays in the background. CRACKED.COM — Source

19

Marlon Brando wore an ice bucket filming Dr. Moreau. Brando told the director he'd not perform unless 2'4 actor Nelson de la Rosa appeared next to him at all times. You know the miniature version of Dr. Moreau who accompanies him? He's not in the book or the script. Brando forced them to add all those scenes. CRACKED.COM — Source

18

John Mackey made a fake identity to talk himself up. The Whole Foods CEO made a message poster named Rahodeb, who posted hundreds of times praising his company and slamming his competition. Не also took to flattering himself in the third person, praising his cute haircut and declaring, Mackey CRACKEDARKS like a model for Brooks Brothers. — Source

17

Sean Young got sued by James Woods for stalking. Which included her leaving a decapitated doll at his doorstep and mailing him gory images. Later, when she was passed up for the role of Catwoman in Batman Returns, she showed up unannounced at the studio lot in a makeshift Catwoman outfit. Tim Burton CRACKED.COM hid from her in the bathroom. — Source

16

Randy Quaid got arrested for squatting. So he fled to Canada. Не and his wife claimed they were being targeted by Star Whackers, a group he says killed off celebrities such as Heath Ledger and David Carradine. The couple even created a documentary on the subject, starring Quaid wearing nothing but an open fur coat. CRACKED.COM — Source

15

Wesley Snipes choked out the director of Blade: Trinity. P4 Не said David Goyer should be fired, Goyer replied that Snipes should be fired, and Snipes tried to strangle him. Не spent most of the shoot in his trailer. The film relied on a stand-in for most scenes, then cut to unrelated Snipes closeups for reaction shots. CRACKED.COM — Source

14

George Lucas' 2015 flop Strange Magic was one of his biggest passion projects. It's an animated musical with a story built around lyrics from Lucas' favorite songs (those songs are about 70% of the movie). His goal was to make another Star Wars, but for girls, and he worked on the movie on and off for 15 years. It had the worst opening of any animated film, ever, and got 17% on Rotten Tomatoes. CRACKED.COM — Source

13

Will Smith came up with After Earth as a parenting metaphor. In the movie, a sci-fi soldier (Will Smith) guides his son (his real-life son Jaden) through a post-apocalyptic landscape. For Will Smith, it was really about him helping Jaden navigate show business. The movie got an 11% Rotten Tomatoes score and six Golden Raspberry nominations (the Smiths won an acting Razzie each, and another one as the Worst Screen Combo). CRACKED.COM — Source

12

Metallica were excited to make an album with Lou Reed. They blamed fans when it sucked. Lulu debuted to pitiful sales, selling only 13,000 copies in its first week. James Hetfield later called the fans who criticized the effort fearful people who are probably typing from their mom's basement that they still live in. CRACKED.COM — Source

11

Shaq Fu, the 1994 video game featuring Shaquille O'Neal, was a huge failure. SHADFU . In 2014, O'Neal launched an Indiegogo campaign, asking for $450,000 to make Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn. The game came out in 2018 and also flopped, with a Metacritic score of 36. CLEVELAND 33 CRACKED.COM — Source

10

CRACKED COM ie TV ds Heidi Montag spent nearly $2 million of her own money on her first album, titled Superficial. The album, which she and her husband produced themselves, took three years to make. Despite boasts that it was comparable to Michael HETDI Jackson's Thriller in terms MONTAS of sound and quality, SUPERACIAL Superficial was met with poor sales and bad reviews. Au — Source

9

In 2015, Morrissey wrote a novel about a 1970s relay team that gets embroiled in black magic. The novel, List of the Lost, has phrases like bulbous salutation (meaning erection), lush houses of beddy-bye shut-eye snoozled in sleepland, and Whoever put the pain in painting had also put the fun in funeral. Book reviewers and Morrissey fans both hated it. CRACKED.COM — Source

8

Kevin Spacey sang and danced to get investors for Beyond the Sea. Не wrote, directed and starred in it because his mom loved Bobby Darin. Audiences, however, did not share his passion, and the movie bombed at the box office, making less than a third of its $25 million budget. CRACKED.COM — Source

7

In 1984, Paul McCartney wrote the screenplay for and played himself in Give My Regards to Broad Street. Somehow, he has zero charisma, and manages to make being a rock star look dull and plodding. Also, there's a rehashed plot, flat characters, and many pointless dream sequences. It bombed hard, critically and financially. Why did McCartney make it? Because being the star of his own movie was his childhood dream. CRACKED.COM — Source

6

William Frawley I LOVE LUCY CRACKED.COM The actor who played Fred was reportedly a tough guy to work with. His weirdest hangup was probably the Yankees clause in his contract: he would get extra time off whenever the Yankees made the World Series, which happened 7 times over the course of the show. — Source

5

Uma Thurman CRACKED.COM She pulled the movie star equivalent of calling dibs on top bunk: a contract clause that said no other cast member may receive more favorable dressing rooms. — Source

4

Cher CRACKED.COM She requires an entire separate room to keep her human hair wigs in. — Source

3

Prince CRACKED.COM The Artist preferred everything in his dressing room be wrapped in cling wrap, so he could unwrap it himself. Bubble wrap sounds like it'd be more satisfying, but what do I know? — Source

2

Roger Moore LIVE AND LET DIE CRACKED.COM In an extremely Bond-ian move, Moore haggled to get unlimited Montecristo cigars. — Source

1

Bill Murray KINGPIN CRACKED.COM When Chris Elliott accepted the role of Ernie McCracken, he knew that Murray had dibs on it, if he decided to show up to set. Murray did show up, and Elliott was demoted to The Gambler, a small cameo role. — Source

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