25 of the Funniest Tweets from December 12, 2023

$12.67 is better than most of us
25 of the Funniest Tweets from December 12, 2023

As the latest installment of Variety’s Actors on Actors comes to a conclusion, the focus will shift to directors taking a step from behind the camera and into the spotlight for Directors on Directors (they’re clearly not so clever about names over at Variety). This year’s pairings include actor/directors Ben Affleck and Michael B. Jordan who did double duty for Air and Creed III respectively, certifiable freaks Ari Aster and Yorgos Lanthimos and a $4 billion conversation between Greta Gerwig and James Cameron. The five “illuminating conversations between the most exciting filmmakers in the industry” kick off tomorrow, December 13th, and continue through the following week. 

Variety won’t be the only place you can find Affleck either. Thanks to a deal between Warner Bros. Discovery and Fox streamer Tubi, DC Universe movies have another home amidst the constant shuffling at Max. The deal will see the Dunkin’ lover who donned the Batsuit in movies like Suicide Squad and Birds of Prey hitting Tubi’s on-demand lineup in 2024. It also includes DC’s slate of TV shows like Gotham and Batwoman, which are already available to watch on the ad-supported streamer.

In between trying to figure out what superhero movie is streaming where, the timeline has been doing it’s thing in full force today. The funniest tweets include those about the connection between Gossip Girl and the CIA, a meal fit for Scooby and Shaggy and some pure, uncut, Colombian baby wipes.

Mike Townsend @townsendy... 23h ... I absolutely love squashing garlic with the back of a knife. Pressing down on the blade, leaning my entire body into it until that little bulb is obliterated beneath me. I dont fuck with garlic crushers, I keep it all anologue, all raw power. Just me and the garlic. 30 1,279 15.4K 550K
carl marks @whoreby_parker-2 21h ... a new pair of shoes has hit the shared roommate shoe rack KE M 5 396 15.5K 767K
Dr Sean Travers @seanjetravers 1d ... 'I'm coming over you better not be the knitted octopus when I get there' Me: 102 3,303 34.7K 852K
swag @chillextremist. 1d Self-fulfillment needs Chips Psychological needs Basic needs People being nice to me 6 883 6,300 365K
oh ok. @_itsashleyc_.1d My goal was to save 10k by December. I'm at $12.67 333 9,379 65.1K 2M
Sunday Nobody @sunday_nobo... 1d ... Making a hidden shrine for Mike KING G Wazowski and hiding it in a public library Age of Vice 0 for people to find IAN KARON Look I STEP If J I E Wazowe Nobody Across S MOTOR The Monter Sunday Nutrida Sunday Nobody Latitudes Mike - I I tha Across my Green Skin The One Eyed Dragon Ru Sunday Age of Vice Q Deepti Ka 6 bleed Wazowsk Videogle 1 en REA 5 НА Sunday Nob KARON - RISPORT Sunday Nabou Sunly Nohad the 3 : : nbs : KING I Age of Vice
Fredward, Fredward @Fredwar... 1d ... (guy who should go fuck himself) so I should just go fuck myself? 18 4,307 30.9K 852K
n @bimbopillled 1d Men love gossip so much that they created intelligence agencies 45 1K 8.2K 302K
indigo @indigotrance . 23h ... Sonic Adventure 2 The illusion... 3 LAST HERO DARK ...of free choice. 19 1.9K 14K 248K
Miss Andrist @virtuaIh8r . 1 1d ... I'm gonna make u a playlist | already know all my favorite songs thank u thank u us 17 2K 18K 623K
Teedgee™ @TeedgeeOfficial. 1d this is the kinda shit shaggy and scooby would gobble up in like 5 seconds before the monster comes out of nowhere Sir Goofy @sirgoofy28.3d WHO TF ORDERED THAT C Sungary Joy TikTokcs. Jolling judyannpedros ® 50 6.2K 88K 2.2M
Jason @jaesyun 1d The way I thought he handed you a straight up uncut brick Margaretsnatchr @margaretsnatchr. dd Sometimes I love being gay. Had to poop at the bar and my friend handed me this bag of baby wipes :) 7 6.1K 183 282K
d+ @normalgirl53 16h ... my next piercing is gonna be to the frontal lobe 9 1.2K 5.1K 125K
DreamLeaf @DreamLeaf5 . 19h There's a fucking wheat field in manhattan?? @fasc1nate.23h Fascinating The Twin Towers from a wheat field in Manhattan. 81K 308 1.9K 4.5M
braden @BradenIsBored_. 1d Each new sentence is a surprise. @repkevin... 3/3/23 Congressman Kevin Hern After the Challenger tragically exploded, my dreams of being an astronaut were cut short. But I did what I had to do - including hog farming-to purchase my first McDonalds in 1997. Today, I am honored to represent #OKO1 in the U.S. Congress. Never EVER give up. M 34 1.1K 24K 1.7M
YOLANDA PARODY @yolanda_parody.1d rat ! (they/them) @rratpak_ttv.18h non-binary people don't owe you androgyny 25 2,423 11.3K Ed Stevens (#BLM) @Vectner Replying to @rratpak_ttv One does owes me money though 8:46 AM 1/23/22 Twitter for Android 4 Likes 4 653 9.3K 220K
m. @moseason_ 1d ... Y'all been going CRAZY this holiday! I love this DANGER THIN ICE 88 5.6K 44K 5.1M
Goth Shaggy Rogers @crumlingothic_ 20h Proud of all the Irish nominees at the Golden Globes 9 661 7.5K 225K
Zack Brown @ZackBrownDC.1d Armie Hammer when he's craving a harvest bowl on a Thursday Kevin & Trevor @KevinandTrevor. 2d sweetgreen OUR PEOPLE ARE OUR BEST INGREDIENT Join the team at: www.sweetgreen.com/careers 11 197 8.3K 835K
jodie @jodieegrace.21h she did WHAT The Swift Society tss @TheSwiftSociety-21h Travis Kelce shot by @TaylorSwift13 Signature LII 1 13 1.2K 34K 2M
Dirk Fuckner @timerube. 1d my sister just told me she doesn't understand whether a movie is good or bad. i i don't understand that aspect of it. how is this possible 455 3,347 38K 2.8M
helena @freshhel 1d This girl at whole foods has re-filmed a tiktok street interview 3 times and it feels like im watching a seagull eat a band aid 11 489 19.6K 534K
horse dentist @equine_dentist. 1d ... god i want to be invited to this so fucking bad 1/2 54 7,641 61.6K 2.1M
Jordan 4 Short @TheTashee... 1d ... My neighbors are fighting, why this bitch gon say okaaay I cheated go ahead, scream it, so the gay boys next door can hear you ........ like bitch Imaoooooooo GIF 699 8,027 101K 2.2M
Luis Vercetti @97Vercetti.1d ... just realized the last day of 2023 will be 123123 @toxicbible 12 3,292 23.5K 1.2M
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