30 of the Funniest Things Recruits Said to Drill Sergeants

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30 of the Funniest Things Recruits Said to Drill Sergeants

Whether we’re going Full Metal Jacket or headed up to space with Starship Troopers, we’ve seen all types of basic training and one thing is consistent throughout — drill sergeants are scary as hell. But no matter how tough they want to appear, they will crumble into laughter when a recruit has to go to the bathroom so bad he starts making siren noises. To that end, a few more of our nation’s finest drill sergeants took a break from boot camp and marched on over to Reddit to share some of the funniest things recruits have said to them. And while we don’t know how these recruits fared after basic training, we know that they’re capable of looking a threat straight in the eyes and making a joke, which is the most important survival instinct of all. 

Persy0376 . 2y Was the XO for basic training in 2002. We had this chunky kid, who on his first PT test could NOT do 2 sit- ups. Не was trying his hardest and the drill said, You'd better do better than that!!! The only thing you've ever done in your life is go from your gameboy to get cheetos!!' The kids was crying, saying, I can't - then the drill told him, Don't ever tell me you can't unless I tell you to fly!! And you'd better start running and flapping your arms if I do!! I had to walk away to

odomotto 2y Recruit fired all his blank ammo during ambush response training. Не crawled in ditch to opposite where the aggressors were, and started throwing rocks at them. DI came running in middle of the road blowing his whistle and screaming what the fuck are you doing?'. Recruit screamed back, throwing hand grenades drill sergeant.' With out missing a beat, the DI screamed out fucking standing. and walked away. ... 52.1k

CrabJam_102 . 2y In Navy bootcamp we have a thing before Battlestations called Amnesty Night. This is where we confess all the dumb shit we managed to get away with to our RDCs and not get in trouble. Our chief had a lisp, which we all talked shit about throughout boot camp, but never in front of him. We had a pretty short guy named Patterson that could do a perfect impression of our chief. Patterson proceeded to stand up in the middle of Foreward IG and said Why the fuck do I have to keep touching your dirty asth sthkivysth?

 2y Context: in army basic training, anything said to a drill sergeant needs to end with their title. Yes, drill sergeant. No, drill sergeant. So early into basic our drill sergeant was handing out rifles. Не asks my battle buddy for his serial number. Battle buddy rattles it off. So the drill sergeant, not having heard his title given, asks him who the fuck do you think you're speaking to? A drill sergeant? An asshole? A dickhead? My buddy, realizing he forgot the title and now fully flustered goes to say apologies, drill sergeant, but instead says apologies, dickhead.

James1995MREinfo . 2y When I was at basic we were returning from an obstacle course in busses. I was listening to music, sticking my arm out the window, just vibing. Bus driver stops the bus, yells at me to put my arms by my side. When we get back to the barracks I'm getting chewed out by the DS in front of everyone. Не asks me what the fuck were you doing, PRIVATE?! I told him physically what I was doing, and metaphorically by answering, I was just feelin the breeze Drill Sgt. Everyone laughs, he stifles his, and says

kcsapper . 2y Asked a private the difference between cover and concealment. Private said : Drill Sergeant! You asked what seems like a very important question which I am supposed to know the answer. However this private was imagining not being called on, and was not paying attention to the question! Drill Sergeant!! ... 40.1k

PavonineLuck . 2y I'm a military nurse and as part of our orientation we had to give vaccines to the new recruits at MCRD. One of the recruits was probably four foot nothing. They have yellow handprints on the wall for the bicillin shot and he couldnt even reach them. One of the Dls just kept yelling at him: defy all odds recruit! Defy all odds! ... 1.5k

jeep_rider . . 2y Marching the troops back to the barracks after lunch, I noticed a recruit with a white stain on his hip pocket. I halted the platoon and got in the recruits face. Me: recruit, that white stain on your shirt better be because you are excited for this afternoons training Recruit no Sgt. I am saving my snack for later Me: what snack are you saving? Recruit ice cream ... 5.5k

Infester56 . 2y I was a drill sergeant. Most of the time the PVTs don't say a lot of funny things, but dumb things. Drills were uttering far more funny lines than anyone else. A few things PVTs said that come to mind is the one who, in tears said he could not stay in the field because it would be detrimental to his health to not shower every night( he had no medical condition to back this, he was simply a germaphobe). Another PVT told us a story about being in porn, and enjoying it until they wanted him to

FashionableAnkel24 2y Not a DS but one of the recruits on my basic training misspelled his allergies form from penicillin to peniscilin and out staff ordered him to yell out as loud as he could what he was allergic too in front of our whole platoon and this kid just yells out: IM ALERGIC TO PENISCILIN MASTER CORPRAL!! Our master corporal just yells back THEN YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM THAT DICK RECRUIT! Funniest thing that happened in basic ... 818

Megamanfre 2y Story my mom told me from when she was in Naval Boot Camp back in the early 80s. When marching in formation one day, my mom saw a spider crawling on the ground, and moves out of formation. Her Dls (or whatever it's called in the Navy) get right in her face and are screaming at her asking why she marched out of formation. She replied with I saw a spider on the ground when the DI asked her why she didn't just step on it, my mom replied with a shudder because they crunch when you step

imac132 . 2y One guy got selected to go to the Natick Human Research Center after basic, which is basically a place where they use soldiers in experiments to test new gear. So he gets his pamphlet or whatever from the DS and as he's walking away he says Well, I didn't want a robo- dick in my ass but I guess I'm getting one and the DS just lost it laughing. Had to close the door to his office. ... 1.1k

 2y My brother did Army JROTC then joined the Air Force. In Army JROTC at the time, all officers were, Sir no matter their gender. The Air Force, being a little more progressive, used, Ma'am for female officers. After taking maybe two steps off the bus on day one of basic, a female drill instructor asks him a question, in which he replies, Yes, Sir, which prompted her to yell, Do I look like I have a dick? Then made him drop and do various torturous PT exercises loudly counting 1, Ma'am. 2 Ma'am etc. As soon as she

BlackIsTheSoul . 2y I feel bad for the guy but I gotta say it. His last name was Smellie. As in, smelly. So when I had him come into the class for the orientation/admin day the very first day, I ask everyone to stand up and give their rank, name, serial number. So when I heard Private Smellie, I lost it. I felt so bad for the guy.

dutchman195 2y Required to have creases in your uniform, and if you know anything about it you can sometimes fuck it up and give a shirt two creases. Commonly referred to as 'railroad tracks' On morning in formation for uniform inspection it was discovered someone had done this to their shirt. So in come the Dls. At one point one of them yelling asked Recruit X are you a train conductor? And sure as shit, he was before he joined. So he answered sir yes sir. Everyone got awkward quiet for what felt like 5 min but I'm sure it

penny_can . 2y I heard a recruit say this; DS: Did your mother send you here to piss me off? You write home and tell her you're doing a good job. Recruit: Sir, no, sir. My father sent me here to piss my mother off DS spun on his heel and marched off with his head down and his hand over mouth.

busdriverjoe . . 2y I ordered the platoon to form up facing West. One troop asked, Master corporal, our West or your West? I just walked away angrily and let his peers sort him out. I came out of my office and they were facing East... ... 39.8k

Beachyoshi . 2y In boot camp a recruit needed to use the restroom and wasn't allowed to. The recruit pleaded that it was an emergency. So the drill instructor says I don't hear any sirens and starts starting at the recruit. The recruit then proceeds to make siren noises. NO ONE could hold in their laughter. ... 1.2k

 . 2y In basic training, stood by our beds, inspection of Platoon Commander. In she comes, walks around, asks everyone questions. Guy next to me, who I'm still mates with now, got asked what he did before he joined. Не answered, proud as lunch and for everyone to hear, I sold condoms and nuts, ma'am. Her and the Corporals just started laughing, couldn't help it. ... 20.9k

jdoghenderson . . 2y We were on a casual run for PT nice and easy 3km. Finish the run, shitpump pvt X walks up to the sgt conducting the run and says sgt when does the real run start?  Thought he was hilarious. Ended up running 12km that day. Fuck that guy. ... 2.3k

GreatJanitor 2y I got kicked out during Basic for problems with authority and being a general fuck up. One morning we are on the grenade range and at this part we are told that in this dog house looking thing is a gunner shooting at our platoon and we have to high crawl up to it, toss the grenade in and roll away. I do that. Our grenades are steel balls that a small explosive screws into. My grenade doesn't explode. The Drill Sergeant looks in, pulls it out and looks at me: Private, you did not pull the pin

jdoghenderson . 2y During inspection the section leader would walk up to every recruit and look them over for issues with their uniform. Everyone had a cap badge on their beret and it's supposed to be over the left eyebrow. Unfortunately for me when I put my beret on the cap badge was directly in the middle of my head. Sgt walks up to me, stares me in the eye and says  Pvt. X are you the mythical cyclops of the underworld? quite a few push ups later and a lot of humiliation I finally figured out what

FireDad911 . 2y I was in reception battalion prior to starting basic training. A drill sergeant said something to one of the new recruits who didn't hear him and asked, What? The drill sergeant didn't take to kindly to this and proceeded to lay into the new recruit. Finally the recruit says, I'm sorry drill sergeant, l'll never say what again. Drill sergeant comes back with, Bullshit!! When I'm done with you you will be saying what every 5 seconds. You'll be saying, What size boot is up my ass? What nuts are on my chin? Still makes me laugh

JustAnAverageGuy 2y I had a recruit I nicknamed giggles, as she couldn't help but giggle anytime anything was happening or we were just still. I came up with a rule that anytime I caught her, she had to tell me a joke, and if it sucked her whole squad had to push. Formation just before chow, we were sharking, and sure enough giggles starts her thing. Alright giggles, let's hear it. Her response: How do you get an elephant in the subway? No clue giggles. How do you get an elephant in the subway? You take the S out of

 . 2y Sir! This recruit respectfully requests to go throw up! We were in the middle of a intensive training session. I allowed it, he ran to the bathroom, loudly emptied his stomach, ran back to me and said Sir! This recruit respectfully requests to resume intensive training! And he went right back into push-ups. Не did well. ... 384

Assod101 2y Went to Boot Camp (Marines) in 2005. There was no room for bullshit back then, and I assume that is still the case. Well about halfway through Boot Camp one night we finish everything and are in our racks to sleep. The moment the Drill Instructor flips the light switch off one of the recruits yells across the Squad bay Goodnight Sir!. So simple, so stupid, yet so absolutely hilarious. We spent the next 30 minutes getting ITed in the dark. I still look back at the moment and laugh sometimes. ... 13.2k

 . 2y Our DS called us a bunch of assholes who were not team players. So we came up with a cadence that had us yelling week to week. Cheek to cheek. Us assholes stick together. The DS would try to hide his smiles when we pulled that one out. ... 2k

Madelyn_Andr . . 2y Standing in formation at Fort Knox about to head to the range and everyone needs their gloves. One private comes out without them and the DS screams private where the fuck are your gloves? In this thick tennessee accent he goes well damn drill sarnt, I must of done left them sum bitches up sturs. The DS (from new jersey) just dies laughing. ... 965

lodelljax 2y At Basic I got the whole DS team laughing from a comment. DS starts yelling at me in my face about god knows what, on and on. Не is from the deep south and has a super strong Mississippi accent. I am an immigrant from South Africa (my accent sounds English or Australian to US people) only been in the USA for a few year and have been living in Oregon, and honestly I can only understand a bit of what he is saying. At the end he concludes with DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS COMING OUT OF

 2y Alright... I was the private in this one. We had recently got a new drill (Не was in this training to take over the next cycle). Anyway, he was pretty relaxed compared to our other drills, and we were due for an afternoon smoke session in the barracks. I, for the life of me can't remember what he said, or what smart ass remark I responded with (this was back in '07, in good ol' Knox). But I will never, ever forget what happend next. Не looks at me from across the room and tells Private, beat your
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