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32 Fast-Food Meals That Could’ve Spent a Little More Time in the Oven

The food can be fast. But the ideas behind these menu items could’ve used some more time

32 Fast-Food Meals That Could’ve Spent a Little More Time in the Oven

December 08, 2023

Gather ‘round, you precious little fast-food chains. Today’s lesson is titled, “Stay in your lane!” Dearest McDonald’s, You may want to serve hot pockets, hot dogs, spaghetti and a pineapple burger, but we kindly ask that you say it with us, “Stay in your lane!” What are you snickering at, Burger King? Would you like a repeat of your “Burger Pizza” or Whopper burrito fiascos? Didn’t think so.

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32

Taco Bell's Black Jack Taco NEW! BLACK JACK TACO 89c The taco was not particularly notable aside from its black shell. Unfortunately,the shell had the unfortunate side effect of turning your poo green. Not a fun surprise. CRACKED.COM — Source

31

Taco Bell's Seafood Salad To compete with the Filet-O-Fish, Taco Bell introduced a seafood salad in the 1980s. Unsurprisingly, it was a complete flop. Salad AND seafood? From Taco Bell? Hard pass. CRACKED.COM — Source

30

McDonald's McSalad Shakers Grilled Chef Chicken Caesar Garden Props to McDonald's for attempting to make salads fun, but there's a reason we don't normally eat salads out of cups. This stayed on the menu for three years, not bad for a healthier option. CRACKED.COM — Source

29

Red Ramen Burger RED ROBIN CRAGKED.COM The ramen burger became a big deal around 2013. And - not a lot of people know this, but -- ramen sounds a lot like robin. Red Robin swiftly capitalized on this synchronicity by releasing their Red Ramen Burger a full 3 years later. — Source

28

Kit Kat Chocodilla TACO BELL CRACKED.COM This dessert item is just... Kit Kats melted in a tortilla. It seems entirely possible that Taco Bell's r&d team is just two roommates who haven't been grocery shopping in a while and are too high to go now. — Source

27

Angriest Whopper BURGER KING CRACKED.COM This burger was supposed to be super spicy--to the extent that it warned off predators with its vibrant colors, like a poisonous frog. They even made a big deal about cooking the first batch with fire from a volcano, which is... honestly pretty rad. — Source

26

Dry Pork and Seaweed Donut DUNKIN' DONUTS Dry Pork and Seaweed Donut CRACKED.COM On paper, this looks like a lazy corporate April Fools Day joke. But in practice, it's actually a pretty daring savory experience from a company that specializes in sugar water. It's made with a special yeast dough, which kind of brings the whole thing together. — Source

25

Mashed Potato Beef Burger MCDONALD'S 100% Manly Man CRACKED.COM For a while, McDonald's China was on a big masculinity kick. Lots of their commercials highlighted the manliness of meat eaters - none moreso than this burger that dared to include a layer of potato salad. — Source

24

The Double Sensation was a twin-crusted pizza. Pizza Hut SENSATION HILK CRACKED.COM Pizza Hut gave customers in Singapore more of what nobody really likes all that much - the crust! They called it a pizza within a pizza, but it was realy just an excuse to fill you up with more bread... and apparently offload some excess Alfredo sauce. — Source

23

Fries + onion rings = Frings. CRACKED.COM You know that unique exhiliration of finding an onion ring in your french fries? Jack in the Box attempted to replicate that, but achieved the opposite: the devastating betrayal of being denied sufficient onion rings. — Source

22

Bundles were just sliders. CRACKED.COM Burger King's laughably small burgers were fun for the whole family: not quite enough to satiate a child, and a choking hazard for adults! — Source

21

Bigfoot Pizza was just too-big pizza. CRACKED.COM Its whole... thing was that it was too big: too big for minimum wage-earning delivery guys to comfortably hold it, and too big for your ravenous family to snarf it down in one sitting. — Source

20

The McLobster was a lobster meat hot dog. CRACKED.COM This abomination (which should have been called a Slobster Joe, first of all) had trouble gaining traction between the coasts because it's hard to ship lobster inland before it spoils. — Source

19

Burger King's Burger Pizza In a clear publicity stunt (that we are continuing to help hype, so it's effective), a 2,500 calorie pizza-sized burger was only available in New York because New Yorkers aren't snobs about their pizza or anything. CRACKED.COM — Source

18

McDonald's Onion Nuggets Onion Nuggets Before the Chicken McNugget, there was the Onion Nugget. Introduced in the 1970s, they were clumps of onions deep-breaded and fried. CRACKED.COM — Source

17

Burger King's Whopperito CLAME Most people look at a Whopper and go, You know what would make this better? If it were a burrito, too. Not all foods need to be a mash-up, but don't tell Burger King, who sold the novelty item to compete with Chipotle. CRACKED.COM — Source

16

Ninja Burger BURGER KING NIN BURGE CRACKED.COM BK has tried several different black burgs in different parts of the world, with various ingredients dyed black with bamboo charcoal and squid ink. One version includes an oversized, floppy strip of meat to simulate the tongue of a popular anime ninja. — Source

15

Double Down Dog KFC KFC DOUBLE DOWN WARNING OUTRAGEOUS Y DE DOG CRACKED.COM KFC shook us to our very core in 2010 when they first announced the Double Down as an April Fools joke, then sold it for real less than two weeks later. Then, in 2015, while the meat-eating public was still reeling from whiplash, they unleashed this hot dog version upon the good people of the Phillipines. — Source

14

Come on in, take a load off!

Gracoro Burger MCDONALD'S CRACKED.COM McDonald's Japan once offered this deep-fried dollop of macaroni, shrimp, and white sauce. — Source

13

Cheeseburger- Stuffed Crust PIZZA HUT CRACKED.COM This was simply a pizza surrounded by sliders. It's the most American food innovation since American cheese, and yet it's only ever been available in the Middle East and the UK. — Source

12

Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt FRIENDLY'S CRACKED.COM Friendly's rested on their laurels after inventing the clown-shaped ice cream sundae - until 2010, when they decided to bookend their, frankly, already generous hamburgers with two grilled cheese sandwiches. — Source

11

The McAfrika MCDONALD'S McAfrika CRACKED.COM In 2002, McDonald's Norway took some heat for dropping their unfortunately named, pita-based BLT right smack dab in the middle of a massive famine in Africa. — Source

10

Waffle Taco TACO BELL CRACKED.COM In 2014, Taco Bell disrupted the wet hot American breakfast scene with a waffle, your choice of sausage or bacon, and a haphazard ice cream scoop of egg. — Source

9

Doritos Pizza PIZZA HUT CRACKED.COM They nearly out-pizza'd their own hut by placing Dorito shards around the perimeter of their 'za, like a crown of thorns. Lest you think they didn't go big enough, they also stuffed the crust with that boldest of cheeses: mozzarella. — Source

8

McSpaghetti

The McSpaghetti is exactly what's on the tin. CRACKED.COM Ordering a Chicken McDo with McSpaghetti was a needlessly long way of ordering a chicken leg and some spaghetti -- but a really quick way to get heartburn. — Source

7

The Gold 'n' Grill just slapped a pineapple slice on a burg. $1.10 CRACKED.COM McDonald's big idea in 1984 was to huck a slab of pineapple on top of a regular cheeseburger, presumably to tear this great nation apart at the seams Hawaiian pizza had exposed. — Source

6

Shake 'em Up Fries were DIY cheese fries. CRACKED.COM Burger King gave customers the experience of being a real fry chef! Customers would dump a packet of flavoring into a bag of fries, and shake the whole thing up until every fry was sticky as hell. — Source

5

The McHotDog danced on Ray Kroc's grave. hot dog ho CRACKED COM Even though the Krocs started off in the hot dog biz, Ray Kroc later refused to sell them at McDonalds because he couldn't be sure the meat was high enough quality. Turns out: Americans don't really care about the quality of their speedy meats! — Source

4

Peg Leg Chicken was a drumstick. CRACKED.COM Long John Silver's tried to crawl from the sea onto land in the 70's and 80's by offering a fried drumstick. Wait - is that supposed to be... Long John Silver's missing leg??? — Source

3

The Bell Beefer was a sloppy Joe. CRACKED.COM Look, Taco Bell is great at coming up with exciting new ways to funnel ground beef down our necks. But horking down something called a beefer is where Americans draw the line. — Source

2

The Priazzo was uncookably thick deep-dish pizza. CRACKED.COM Pizza Hut threw an Italian-sounding name on a casserole that was so thick, it took longer to cook than anyone was willing to wait for it. — Source

1

McStuffins were Hot Pockets. CRACKED.COM McDonalds wanted to get in on the scalding pouch pastry game with two of their signature flavor profiles: ...chicken teriyaki, and ...pepperoni pizza. — Source

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